Demyx walked across the field wondering to himself...
/So now he wants me... But would he run if Zexion turned up tomorrow... I guess at first I thought he was sexy and cool and I just wanted him to want me... Now... Its more that I care... A lot more than I expected myself to... I'm scared because I know I'll be in deep... And if he breaks my heart, which looks quite probable... It'll hurt like nothing I've ever experienced.../
Axel stood where Demyx had left him staring after him as he disappeared...
When suddenly his phone beeped.
*1 Message recieved*
"Huh?"
/Please say yes please!/
-Marluxia-
*I know this is going to sound strange... But I haven't been able to get you out of my head since what happened... I've literally spent every waking moment and some sleeping thinking of your green eyes, your scent and how you sound in complete esctasy... I don't know how I've never seen it before... Please come and see me again.*
/WHAT!?/
He took his phone in his hand and read over the message a few more times...
And replied.
*I'll come over... But what happened last time was a once off... Its not going to happen again.*
Marluxia smiled when his phone beeped and promptly text back.
*Shall we say at about 8 tonight?*
Axel started walking across the school playing field.
*Yeah... Thats cool by me, or else I could drop over now?*
*No no 8 is good... It'll give me some time to prepare. See you then. Ciao.*
Something about this agreement made Axel feel uneasy...
/Prepare? For what?/
But he figured it was just morning after syndome, where you sleep with someone you know you shouldn't and then never want to see them again...
He put his phone into his pocket and continued to walk across the field towards home humming to himself.
*Still here, still clean... I confessed in therapy that I'd been shooting up heroin on occasion too. They were all impressed with my progress and I feel better after getting that off my chest... They're a little concerned that I was sharing needles and are sending me in for blood tests... I'm scared... I've only ever shared needles with Marluxia... But he's slept with a lot of people... I really hope everythings gonna be okay... If not... I dunno what I'm gonna do... I'm really frightened... I wish I could get in touch with Axel and tell him I still love him, just in case... But I know I can't do that... It'd just fuck him up and I need everything simple right now... For both of our sakes...*
Demyx walked in through his front door and there was a note left by the telephone...
He picked it up and unfolded it.
*Hi honey! Sorry I had to run out didn't get a chance to make dinner but I've left some money so you can order in! I'll probably be back late... I've left enough just in case Axel drops over too! Have a nice night! Love you*
So he had some time to think and things to think about and money for junk food...
Which was always a plus.
He dragged his bag into the kitchen and set it on top of the kitchen table and put the kettle on he took a mug out of the cupboard and threw in a spoonful of instant coffee and grabbed a few chocolate bars from the fridge.
Once the kettle boiled he poured half milk half water into the cup...
No sugar...
He was one of few people his age that almost drank his coffee 'properly'...
Apart from all the milk that is...
He got his mug of coffee and sat in a big chair in the living room, he turned the radio on using the remote on the arm of the chair and light airy chillout music started wafting through the room...
Demyx shook his head at the radio and switched it until he found something a little more guitar inspired...
"Perfect."
He began to sip and his coffee and unchained his mind to let it wander freely over the matter at hand.
/I like him... I know I do... Okay pros and cons... Okay pros, he likes me, hes amazingly hot and hes really really sweet... Cons, hes still hurt over his ex, he has a bit of a coke habit and he slept with someone while also kinda seeing me... But that doesnt really count. Although theres a giant risk of me getting my heart smashed up into millions of little pieces that could take years to reconstruct... We have fun together though and hes definitely not just trying to get into my pants... He stood up to Zexion on my behalf, punched a guy in the face and took care of me at the hospital when I broke my rib... Why can't I just flip a coin?/
He shifted in his seat restlessly.
/Maybe I should call him and talk to him about what I'm feeling? No... I can't throw that burden on him... I need to make this decision on my own.../
Axel reached his house and walked in Reno was in the kitchen.
"So how'd it go?"
Axel sighed.
"Well... He's gonna think about it..."
"Is he gonna stay tonight?"
Axel shook his head.
"No he needs time alone to think about everything I've screwed up and decide if I'm worth it..."
Reno nodded.
"So just you and me then bro?"
"Uhm... No actually... I'm heading out for a bit too..."
Reno looked up from the newspaper he was glancing at suspiciously.
"Where are you off to?"
Axel froze at the foot of the stairs.
"Marluxia's... But not for the reasons you're thinking... I'm just going cause he text me today... He wants to talk to me and I want to explain that I'm not interested..."
Reno shrugged.
"Ass is ass I guess... Whore."
"It's not like that!"
Reno picked up his newspaper.
"Well let me know how it goes anyways if you need a lift from there or need to be broken out just send a text I'll be over in a flash..."
Axel smiled.
"When did you get nice?"
"I'm your brother... I'm allowed be nice now and then... Hell I'll even beat him up if he doesn't pay you! You may be a whore but you're my brother..."
Axel grinned to himself shaking his head and made his way to his bedroom, he sat on the side of the bed and took his shoes off, then slowly peeled off his t shirt and jeans...
/Right I'll sleep and then get up go to Marluxia tell him I'm not interested and then come back... I'll probably be back here for ten... Early night for me so./
With that all sorted out in his head he set his alarm for 19.00 and got into bed.
Marluxia was just out of the shower smiling to himself as it turned 18.45.
/Perhaps I should prepare some food...? Or would that look too... Hmmm... Maybe I'll just order in.../
He walked to his bedroom with a white towel slung lazily around his hips and taking the hairdryer from its stand started drying his hair off and humming.
/This should prove interesting if nothing else.../
Axel's alarm beeped and he rolled over to tap a button on his phone to stop the Soil song that was currently blasting his ears to bits.
"Alright alright I'm up..."
He rolled off the bed lazily and looked through his wardrobe when his phone beeped.
*1 message recieved*
He tapped the button to open it.
-Marluxia-
*Just wondering what you like more? Italian or Asian food?*
Axel thought on this for a few moments...
/Pizza or Ramen? Right now... Ramen./
*I'd say at this very moment Asian... Why'd you ask?*
He placed his phone back on his bed and pulled out a long sleeved black and red striped t shirt and tight black jeans and shrugging at his choice of clothing pulled them on and checked himself out in the mirror.
/Yeah its cool... It'll do. But my hair sucks... Stupid spikes go everywhere after I sleep on em.../
His phone beeped.
*Asian it is.*
His mind went from his phone to his hair as he spent a good twenty minutes rearranging his spikes into organised chaos.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
/Ladykiller... Shame I'm gay./
And with that he grabbed a black knee lenght coat with loads of silver zips and straps everywhere, threw it on and called to Reno.
"I'm off out."
Reno shouted back.
"I won't wait up... But if you're not back by morning theres gonna be a search party this time... Slut."
"Okay okay... I'M NOT A FUCKING SLUT!"
"Have fun!"
"Later! BITCH!"
He pulled the door closed and started walking towards Marluxia's house he put his headphones in his ears.
/Just gonna go explain myself have some food leave... Thats it./
But for some reason the nagging feeling that something just wasn't right kept on at him.
Demyx was staring at his mobile which lay on his bed...
/I could invite Axel over... Things could get... Heavy... I think I want to be with him... But I dunno if I'd want... Then again.../
His mind flashed through with some imagined scenes of what could happen if Axel came over and he could feel what happened at the bus stop happen again.
/Great... Now I'm confused and horny.../
Marluxia heard the doorbell and called down the stairs.
"Come in it's open."
Axel pushed the door open and closed it behind him when he turned back Marluxia was on his way down the marble staircase barefoot...
Buttoning up his shirt...
/Oh God.../
The redhead felt himself gulp at the sight of the toned stomach under the long sleeved silk shirt.
/I must've been really fucking out of it to have missed that.../
"Hello Axel! Foods out on the table, just let me grab a bottle of wine."
Axel made his way out to the kitchen.
/WOAH! This place is fucking HUGE! How didn't I notice all of this before?/
But when he thought back on all the times he'd dragged Zexion out of here and the previous time he'd visited he began to understand why...
Marluxia appeared behind him with a few bottles in his hand.
"Well don't be shy take a seat dig in! Now what do you like? White red or rose?"
Axel shrugged out of his coat and hung it on the back of his chair.
"Uhm... Whites good..."
Marluxia nodded and put the other two into the fridge and busied himself with opening the bottle of wine.
Axel opened his mouth choosing his words carefully.
"I'm not sure exactly how to say this... But whatever you think is going to happen here isn't."
The pink haired man turned looking innocently at him.
"What you think because I invite you over for dinner it must be because I want to get into your pants?"
Axel's face reddened and he picked up the chopsticks and started eating not saying another word.
Marluxia smiled and filled up Axel's wine glass.
Demyx sat alone in the sitting room...
It had gotten dark...
And Axel was doing a really good job of leaving him alone and letting him think...
He was undecided if he liked it or not.
/Should I...? No no... Not until I've completely decided.../
He flipped through channels restlessly then got up pulled the curtains and turned the lights on.
/Whens my mom gonna be out all night again though...?/
He picked up his phone and started to text.
Axel still feeling embarassed about what he'd implied was slightly relieved to hear his phone beep and pressed the button immediately.
*Hey Axel, it's Demyx. Still tinking bout wht u said earlier... But in the meantme f u wanna cum over the house is free... And my mom left money 4 junk food! :]*
/Demyx wants me to head over? Interesting... But how do I excuse myself from here without being rude?/
Before Axel had figured out his getaway plan he noticed Marluxia staring at him from across the table.
The redhead lowered his eyes and downed the rest of his wine, which Marluxia instantly refilled.
"So would you like me to show you all of the house?"
The redhead nodded.
"Sure... I didn't notice how big it was before..."
Marluxia grinned.
"Pretty. Fucking. Big."
Axel wondered why he was grinning so much and kept drinking fast to try and make getting through the night a little easier.
Marluxia led Axel from the dining room through a chrome kitchen and slid back a glass door then hit a lightswitch which made a lot of lights come on all at once.
He led Axel out into the garden.
"This is my garden..."
He leaned down to smell a dark red rose then stood up and pointed towards the pool.
"Thats the pool... Of course you can see that..."
Leading him back inside he slid the door closed and flipped the lights back off.
"This is the kitchen, I like to cook... The odd time... But with my job I'm not always here... So it doesn't get used too often..."
Axel now feeling the wine decided to pipe up a question.
"What do you work as anyway?"
Marluxia turned around to face Axel.
"Oh I'm a sales rep for Destiny Incorporated... Basically travelling and spreading the word of the company and what we do and hey if I can make some new clients along the way so much the better... Shall we continue?"
Axel nodded.
"Lead the way."
Demyx was sitting alone in his living room.
/Why hasn't he text back? I'm sure that message delivered.../
He checked his phone.
/I'll send it again... Just in case.../
Marluxia continued to lead Axel around.
"This is the dining room, you've seen this already..."
He walked in through some double doors.
"This is the living room. I believe you've been in here too."
The pink haired man proceeded to lead Axel upstairs.
Axel began to get a feeling in the pit of his stomach but ignored it assuming he was just being stupid.
"This is the bathroom! The bath can fit five people and can do a jacuzzi setting and stuff... Loads of buttons and great for parties!"
He continued down the hallway talking as he went.
"This place used to have five bedrooms... I thought it was pointless... So I knocked down a few walls and made two of the rooms bigger... This ones the activity room and the other one is a music cum art room... I couldn't think of anything else to do with it..."
He laughed leading Axel towards his bedroom.
"And this as you know is my bedroom."
He opened the door and everything was white apart from the pale wooden floor and rose petals spread from just in front of where they were standing at the door across the floor and across the bedsheets.
Marluxia looked into his eyes and led him towards the bed and sat him on the edge of it slowly he moved his lips to Axel's cheek and his hand up his t shirt.
"No Marluxia..."
Marluxia's lips caught his own and he pushed him back onto the bed slowly as he kissed his lips he pushed his hands above his head Axel felt something cold and a distinct 'click' sound...
Alarmed he tried to move his hands down but couldn't...
He looked up and found his hands were cuffed to the headboard.
"Marluxia what the hell!? Let me out of these! This qualifies as rape you know?!"
Before he could protest anymore his phone started ringing Marluxia took it from Axel's pocket.
"Demyx huh? Should I take this?"
He went to answer the call but Axel shouted.
"No please don't!"
Marluxia smiled.
"Well... Tell you what... I won't answer this call... Under one condition..."
Axel was wide eyed.
"W-What do you want me to do?"
Marluxia smiled.
"You don't have to do anything..."
He straddled Axel's waist and pulled his t shirt up so his stomach and chest were revealed, slowly he moved off him and ran his tongue over Axel's stomach making him inadvertently gasp.
"See Axel? Your mouth says no... But your body cries out for me."
The redhead shook his head.
"Don't lie to yourself."
He unlocked his hands and pulled his t shirt off before securing him to the headboard again Axel tried to struggle free but Marluxia overpowered him.
"Please Marluxia don't!"
The pink haired man pulled off Axel's black skate shoes and socks and then unzipped his jeans and slowly kissed him from his stomach right up to his lips.
"This isn't right... Please..."
Marluxia's lips silenced his pleas.
"Shhhh..."
Slowly he pulled Axel's jeans down around his ankles and then abandoned them altogether.
Left only in his boxer shorts Axel struggled against the handcuffs Zexion had him secured to the headboard with.
/Don't these things usually have safety latches.../
"For someone whos struggling so much to get away you sure look like you'd like to continue..."
Axel didn't dare look down at the massive hard on he knew he had.
/Even my own fucking bodies betraying me./
"Let me the fuck out of these handcuffs you giant prick!?!"
Marluxia smiled.
"As you wish... But first..."
Slowly he started unbuttoning his shirt and as much as Axel wanted to look away he just couldn't...
The silk shirt fell to the floor and Axel's member was becoming harder by the second.
"Please... Just let me out..."
Marluxia's hands travelled down Axel's body and found the waistband of his boxer shorts slowly he pulled them down and used his tongue to lick the lenght of Axel's erection making him gasp for breath.
"Please... Please..."
Marluxia continued this for a couple of minutes gauging Axel's reaction...
Before taking the whole thing into his mouth and making Axel buck his hips forward in surprise.
Marluxia's eyes caught Axel's as his mouth worked the struggling teens lenght.
"Please... Just let me... Go... Oh God... Please..."
Marluxia quickened his pace a little and Axel's hands were gripping the chains of the handcuffs.
His breath grew heavier as Marluxia continued...
"Please..."
Marluxia suddenly stopped and Axel looked distraught.
"What? I thought you wanted me to stop?"
Axel wide eyed shook his head.
"Sooo... You want me to keep going?"
The redhead nodded his head manicly.
Marluxia went down mouth open but stopped just before his lips met his skin.
"You know... I don't really feel like doing it anymore... All your shouting put me off kinda made me feel like you wern't enjoying it."
Axel was about to explode and tried to push his erection into Marluxia's mouth.
"Now now... Naughty naughty... If you want all you need do is ask..."
"Please I'm begging you to continue! Please!"
Marluxia shrugged but started pleasuring Axel with his hand.
Axel's head fell back against the pillow and his eyes slid closed.
"Oh God... I'm gonna..."
Marluxia stopped again.
"Oh no you don't..."
Axel's mouth was open and his eyes opened.
"What the...? Why?"
Marluxia's voice was very matter of fact.
"Because I'm not ready for you to yet..."
With that said he stood up and unzipped his trousers and let them fall.
Axel mentally noted that he was probably hadn't been wearing underwear while they were having dinner either and gulped as he felt himself react to Marluxia's now naked body.
Axel's breathing was still heavy.
"Please stop tormenting me. Just do it."
Marluxia sat on the bed beside Axel and fully removed his underwear.
"Do what?"
His hand found Axel's erection and started going again.
Axel gasped at the sudden pleasure.
"Fuck me!"
"With pleasure."
Slowly and deliberately he spread Axel's legs and savoured the sight of him defenceless...
Naked...
Begging for to be fucked...
"Open your mouth."
Axel did as he was told and almost gagged as Marluxia forced himself inside as far as he could.
"Good."
He then grabbed Axel's knees with his hands and pulling Axel down the bed slowly inched his way inside him.
The redhead moaned on contact and tried to get Marluxia further inside but Marluxia held him at bay.
Axel sighed, frustrated.
"Fuck me! I need it. I can't stand this any longer! This is torture!"
Marluxia grinned down at Axel.
"As you wish."
He pushed inside fully making Axel moan and grip his restraints.
"Let me out... Of these... Please... I need to... Touch you..."
Marluxia released one of Axel's hands which immediately gripped his back at the shoulder blade and dragged its nails down to the base of his back.
"Please... Let me... Out of... These..."
He threw his head back as Marluxia sped up and finally released his other hand.
Friction from Marluxia's stomach was slowly bring him closer and closer to orgasm he was feeling so tormented by Marluxia's stopping and starting he tried keeping his mouth firmly shut...
But struggled and made a noise that warned Marluxia to slow down.
"No... Please... I need to..."
His nails dug into Marluxia's shoulder blades as he tried to speed the friction up but Marluxia kept control and kept Axel wanting.
Axel's mouth was dry and he was fast running out of energy.
"Please I'll do anything just make me..."
Before Axel could finish the sentence Marluxia sped up using one hand to pleasure Axel and the other to grip the bed sheets.
The redheads eyes fell closed and his breathing sped up his hands held onto Marluxia's shoulders so fiercely that one of his nails pierced the skin causing Marluxia to bleed...
His short breaths turned into sighs and his was body now sitting upright on Marluxia's lap facing him.
"M-Marluxia oh God!"
He went tense just as he released across their stomachs...
Everything felt slow motion as he climaxed and his body fell limp against Marluxia's knees, who came deep inside him moments after.
Axel could feel his heart pounding against his rib cage as Marluxia's breaths began to return to normal.
Slowly he pulled out of Axel and lay facing him on the bed.
The rose petals were everywhere... Squashed into their skin, the bedsheets, on the floor and some perfectly untouched...
Their scent had escaped into the air giving the room a scent of roses mixed with sweat...
Marluxia looked at Axel's arms.
"Why do you do that to yourself?"
Axel now self conscious tried to cover them with his hands...
"I just get... Sad and pissed sometimes..."
Marluxia took Axel's arm in his hands and kissed the scars and cuts from his wrist to the crook of his elbow.
"Anytime you feel sad... Or pissed... You should... Call me..."
Axel was wide eyed, the gesture felt too caring, too personal...
They were just fucking, they were casual fuck buddies...
That was all.
Axel stood up.
"I have to leave."
Marluxia reached out for him.
"Whats the rush? Why not stay?"
Axel shook his head.
"I can't... I have to go."
"Please stay... At least if you won't stay... Let me drop you home."
Axel was in the middle of pulling his t shirt back on when Marluxia crawled up behind him and kissed his neck lightly sending goosebumps across his arms and chest.
"Stop, please... I really have to go..."
Marluxia stopped and shrugged.
"Theres just no pleasing some people... Alrighty where do you wanna go?"
He picked his phone up from the bedside table and his blood ran cold.
His phone was on a call...
To Demyx.
Slowly he lifted it to his ear.
"H-Hello?"
He could hear sobbing.
"I didn't believe it was really you... But now I know it is."
"Demyx I didn't mean... It was a total mistake! He tricked me! I didn't know you were on call!"
"Oh and I finally have an answer to your question Axel... Stay away from me. I never want to talk to you again."
With that, the line went dead.
Marluxia went to console Axel but Axel pushed him away.
"Leave me alone I don't even want to look at you."
He walked past the music and activity rooms and back down the marble staircase and out into the night air, his eyes were clouded with tears as he called his brother.
"Hey Reno... I need you to pick me up..."
"Jesus what happened you sound like shit!"
"Please just come get me I'll explain on the way home..."
"Alright be there in five."
Axel started to walk towards his house he was angry with himself for been taken in so easily.
/Since when have I become so weak?/
He took out his phone and started texting.
*Demyx I'm sorry, I could try and make up a bunch of excuses...
Truth is, I'm lonely and I still miss Zexion a bit.
But I meant what I asked you today.
I want to be with you...
The problem being I'm probably just not ready for it yet...
I don't want you to be a replacement for anyone.
I don't want to get with you bone you and then fuck off...
Because thats not who I am...
Well thats not usually who I am.
My intention for tonight was to go home and go to bed.
Marluxia text me today and I told him I'd go over to him...
I meant to tell him it was a mistake and a stupid one at that.
He chained me up and tormented and teased me until I would've fucked a dog if it had of been standing there...
All I can say is I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to happen and Marluxia had my phone...
I was cuffed to the headboard at the time.
If you never talk to me again I understand...
And if you actually read this thank you for hearing me out, you're a great friend.
And will probably make someone a really happy man.*
He sent it and less than a minute later he had a return text.
*Like I said before... We're not together so I guess it doesn't concern me...*
Axel looked mournfully at his phone.
*Listen he blackmailed me and handcuffed me to the headboard and threatened to answer the phone to you... I didn't want to hurt you... I don't like him... I like you... And on top of that I really really want to be with you. He answered the phone and got his way anyway...*
Demyx sighed.
*Its none of my business what you do... But it hurts me, somehow I'm in too deep even if I'm not in at all.*
Axel stopped staring at the words on the screen.
*So you want me to piss off and never ever talk to you again..?*
Demyx picked his phone up.
*No... Against my better judgement... I'm gonna say yes to what you asked... I want to be with you too... But this is your first and last chance... Officially... Now get over here before I change my mind.*
Axel grinned down at his phone.
/Don't have to tell me twice./
He dialled Reno's number.
"Hey Axel I'm on my way."
"False alarm... I'm on my way to Demyx's house."
"Slut."
"I am not a slut."
"Talk to you in the morning whore."
"See ya... Wait I'm not a..."
The phone died in his hand and he laughed running in the general direction of Demyx's house.
/This night has been so fucking crazy... I wonder what else is in store for me?/
He climbed over someones garden wall and running through peoples back gardens through their flowers and past guard dogs kept jumping walls to the next one with an energy that wasn't his own, until he came to another road.
His phone beeped randomly and he pulled it from his pocket.
*Well tonight was fun... I hope we can do it again sometime...*
/Marluxia.../
*How about no? I'm as of ten minutes ago no longer single and no longer available for raping. Sorry fuckwad. Playtimes over.*
Now beaming to himself he ran up the street to Demyx's house slowing down as he neared it.
/Gotta look not desperate... Uncaring.../
He rang the doorbell and leaned against the doorframe acting like nothing was the matter but the minute Demyx's front door swung open, Demyx's arms were around his neck and he was being pulled inside.
"Demyx what the hell?"
The blonde grinned.
"I think I've waited long enough don't you?"
Axel was breathless from running but the thought of Demyx naked suddenly had him feeling enegetic again, that and Demyx was dragging him upstairs.
"How long were you planning this for?"
Demyx just giggled and pulled Axel into his bedroom, pulling his t shirt off in the process, Axel could do nothing but stare...
His skin was pale and white ghostly...
Like undisturbed snow...
Pure and beautiful just waiting to be touched he removed every piece of clothing he had and grabbed Axel's shoulders.
"Well? Why are you still dressed Axel?"
Axel gulped.
"Are you sure you want this...? You want me? As... You know?"
Demyx raised an eyebrow.
"Uhm?"
He looked a little nervous.
Axel lay Demyx down gently and removed his own shirt.
He started kissing Demyx's stomach softly.
"I want this to be special for you... I want this to be good... You gave me another chance... I want to give you this in return."
He ran his hands down Demyx's body making him sigh softly...
Axel brought his mouth up to Demyx's neck and kissed him from his neck to his shoulder blades.
Demyx's eyelids were fluttering at the contact...
"I need you to... I want you..."
"Shhh... Not yet..."
His lips continued down his body until he reached his navel when Demyx stopped him.
"If you do that..."
He blushed slightly.
"Just trust me... I'm pretty worked up..."
Axel smiled slowly unbuttoning his jeans and standing up Demyx handed him a condom which he lay on the bed next to him then leaned down next to Demyx...
"This might hurt a little at first..."
Demyx nodded looking a little nervous now.
Axel put the condom on and lay on top of Demyx whispering.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
Demyx nodded fervently.
Axel lubed himself up.
/How long has he been planning this anyways... He seems to have everything ready and waiting.../
Then pulling Demyx's knees apart pulled the blonde to him slowly inching himself inside.
Demyx winced slightly as Axel pushed fully inside.
"It'll get better... I promise..."
Slowly he moved keeping the rhythm of his hand pleasuring Demyx and his thrusts well paced.
Demyx settled quickly into it the feeling becoming familiar and pleasurable.
More pleasurable with every movement he found his hands gripping the bedsheets and moans escaping his mouth where he had meant to keep them stifled.
Until he knew that he wasn't going to last much longer.
"Axel I'm gonna..."
Before he could finish the sentence his body arched towards the ceiling and his hands were gripping the sheets so hard they turned white.
A long drawn out moan escaped his lips and he felt the warmth of what he knew was the result of his own pleasure run across his stomach and fell back down into the bedsheets.
Axel was watching in fascination and gripping Demyx's thighs moaned and moved feeding his desire off what he'd just witnessed and straightening up orgasmed and lay down on top of Demyx listening to his heart pounding against his ribs...
Demyx managed to whisper one word.
"Amazing..."
Axel didn't move he just continued to breathe and then answered.
"Totally..."
Before they could say another thing Axel's phone started ringing and curious he got up and threw the condom in the bin before answering.
"Hello?"
Zexion's voice answered.
"Axel?"
"What the?"
"I'm not calling to torment or tease... I'm calling to let you know I just got the results of a blood test..."
Axel's heart started to beat harder.
"And?"
He could hear Zexion sob down the phone.
"You need to get tested right away."
Axel paled and the line went dead.
Demyx could clearly see the difference in Axel.
"Whats wrong? Whats happened?"
Axel shook his head.
"I-I have to go..."
With that he pulled his clothes on and walked down the stairs with Demyx in tow.
"Listen just tell me whats wrong..."
The redhead couldn't even hear him.
Shock took over his limbs and Axel walked straight out the door and left Demyx standing there shirtless.
The blonde watched as he walked down the street.
/What was that about?/
Saturday, 26 February 2011
First Encounter Chapter 11
Demyx awoke the next morning alone...
The whole house was empty, Reno had gone to work and Axel...
He didn't know where he was, but was getting the idea that this was Axel's way of telling him he'd outstayed his welcome and that he just wasn't interested...
Wiping his eyes he sat up and pulled a dark pair of jeans from his bag just as he pulled them on he heard keys in the door and peeked out of the bedroom door to see who it was...
There at the end of the stairs stood Axel.
Demyx wanted to be angry and cold and uncaring...
But in the pit of his stomach he felt a mix of butterflies and dread and excitement...
He stepped back into the room to grab his t shirt and stood on a creaky floorboard.
/FUCK FUCK FUCK! Maybe... He didn't hear...?/
No such luck...
Step by step Axel was walking towards his room and swung the door open whilst Demyx was in the middle of getting his t shirt on, Demyx decided to play the 'oh its just you card'.
Axel looked at Demyx smiling.
"Hi! I didn't think you were coming back last night... So I headed out for a walk."
Demyx turned around.
"Listen, you don't have to explain yourself to me..."
He threw his last few things into his backpack, threw it over one of his shoulders and made for the door.
Axel looked confused.
"Where are you going?"
Demyx stopped without turning around.
"Home..."
"Why?"
"I'm not willing to be your doormat while you're off whoring yourself."
Axel stepped in front of Demyx.
"Why do you think I was out 'whoring' myself anyway?"
Demyx was trying to hold back tears.
"Honestly Axel? I can fucking smell him off you... Not that its my business, we were never really happening anyway and then lying about it... Excuse me."
With that Demyx left the room with Axel in tow.
"Okay okay, I'll tell you the truth..."
Demyx stopped dead in his tracks bracing himself against finding out who it was, he took a deep breath and didn't turn around.
"Okay..."
There was a long silence and Demyx took a deep breath.
"Where were you last night? Who do you think would go through all this shit and come out to their mother just to get a few more days to spend with you? Who do you think would worry and stay up half the night in tears worrying about what happened to you? Who do you think would search for hours to find you and get no result and search again?"
There was a long pause between them.
"I did Axel and I did it as your friend... I wasn't trying to get into your pants or whatever you think I'm doing all this for... You know how I feel... Now tell me what happened..."
The redhead took a deep breath.
"Are you sure you want to hear this?"
Demyx looked at the floor.
"Probably not, but looks like I'll have to."
Axel sat on the stairs.
"Right... You left last night and went to your house... I was fine just lying on my bed and whatever... Then I started to feel a bit... You know... So I did a line... Then seeing I had only a little left I did the rest of it... With every intention of giving up as soon as it was gone... So I waited for you... And eventually it got really late and I went for a walk... While walking up a road I caught sight of Marluxia's house..."
Demyx put his bag down and sat on the stairs his back still facing Axel.
"And?"
The redhead shifted slightly.
"I stood there for a little while thinking... And then went up the garden path..."
Demyx could feel bile beginning to make its way up his throat.
"And I was standing on the doorstep... And he opened the door... I asked him for something that would make me forget Zexion ever existed or at least ease the pain of the fact that he does..."
The blonde could feel the tears well up in his eyes.
"And?"
"And he invited me in... We had a drink... Then we talked for ages... Then he set a line on the table and invited me to do half of it..."
"And of course you did it..."
Demyx spat the words out like poison.
Axel sighed his voice cracking.
"Y-Yeah... Then we talked a little more about Zexion... Next thing I knew, he was kissing me... And... Then... Then we went upstairs..."
The images flashed through his mind like forbidden memories, things that he knew he should be ashamed of... But just couldn't quite bear to part with...
Demyx's voice was shakey.
"So you slept with him?"
Axel stayed very quiet for what seemed like forever and all Demyx could hear was his heart beating loudly in his ears and the sound of his own throat trying to swallow away the lump that was forming there.
"Yeah... I did."
Demyx was shaking, he felt dizzy and sick he wanted to tell Axel he adored him, that he was so disappointed and how he wanted to be the one he came to when things got bad...
But all he could muster was,
"Okay."
Before picking up his backpack and walking to the door.
"No Demyx wait! Please!"
Axel stood in front of the door but Demyx's eyes were fixed firmly on the floor.
"Look at me... Please."
The blonde kept his eyes firmly on the floor and whispered.
"I don't think I can..."
With that he pulled the door and Axel stepped aside to let him pass, Demyx stepped outside into the morning grey and stopped not turning around...
"And just as I was starting to fall for you too..."
Axel watched as Demyx rounded the corner making eye contact just for a moment and then disappearing behind a wall.
He kicked the door when he got in.
/Damn it... What the fuck?/
He went up the stairs and went straight into the bathroom and picked up the blade.
/You stupid stupid fuck you messed up everything you had for the sake of preserving a fucking memory and because you got horny!? STUPID STUPID BASTARD!/
His right arm was bloodied from the crook of his elbow to the crease of where his hand began.
/Fuck... Now I have to clean this up too.../
He heard his brothers keys in the door and panicked...
Grabbing a sponge from the shower he wiped the drips of blood from the floor and ran his arm under the water.
It stung like hell...
But there were far worse things than physical pain in this world he realised and took as warning that it'd probably be the least painful thing he'd experience today...
Demyx was walking home tears running down his face when it started to rain...
/I can't believe he'd lead me on like that... Why would he ever do that to me? I thought he was at the very least my friend.../
He really didn't want to go home...
But where else could he go?
Street after street he walked, downtown, around by the hospital and ended up at the pier...
It was deserted except for some fishermen he noticed as he walked up to the end of it and sat down feet dangling over the edge, he looked into the water and could barely make out his reflection through all the raindrops that were hitting the water...
He decided he would return to school the next day just to get his mind off it...
But for now, he was okay just sitting in the rain...
Marluxia sat in his living room staring at the raindrops sliding down the window outside.
His thoughts were full of the night before...
It wasn't by any means the best sex he'd ever had, but it was stuck in his head...
Something about him captured his thoughts and held on for dear life, the way his body jerked when it was becoming too much and the irresistable way his eyes rolled backwards and slid shut just before he came...
He still had the marks his nails left on his back he'd been gripping on so hard.
/Still raining.../
He looked at his phone tempted to call Axel and picked it up and dialled in the number and almost pressed call a dozen or so times then threw his phone onto the couch beside him just out of reach.
/Don't be stupid... It was most likely a once off... And you're just wanting him cause you know you can't have him... Again... Right?/
Axel pulled his sleeves down to cover the damage he'd just inflicted on himself just as his brother came into his room.
"Where the fuck were you last night? Demyx was waiting here all night came out searching twice... In fact wheres he now?"
"He went home..."
"Can't say I blame him... Now why the fuck didn't you call? And where were you?"
Axel looked ashamed.
"Well I left my phone somewhere where i couldn't hear it and I was close by..."
Reno frowned.
"I didn't ask for a general direction I asked where you were!"
Axel sighed quietly ashamed to admit where he was.
"Marluxia's..."
Reno laughed.
"Fuck off... You hate Marluxia."
"I know thats what makes this situation all the more confusing..."
Reno stopped dead in his tracks.
"You didn't..."
"Didn't what?"
"Sleep with him..."
Axel nodded slowly.
Reno shook his head.
"What are you on drugs? Havent you despised him for most of your life?"
Axel was slightly startled by the question...
"I'm not on anything... And yeah... Like I said I have no idea why it happened..."
Reno shrugged.
"I've just heard hes a bit of a manwhore... wouldn't wanna see you hurt bro."
Demyx slowly made his way home again from the pier. he was still finding it hard to cope with and kept his head down for the whole way home he didnt want to be seen or questioned by anyone who might know him, his eyes were tear stained and he just wanted to go home lie on his bed and die.
/I don't want to fall in love I don't wanna date anyone... I just want to be left alone... Rip my heart out and leave it at home so nothing outside there can effect it.../
He sighed to himself... He'd been so absorbed in his thoughts his house was already in view.
/If I go straight upstairs maybe she wont question me... Maybe I can just go upstairs and she'll leave me be.../
He stuck his key in the door and just as he was about to turn it the door opened.
"Hi Demyx... What happened? Did Axel come back? And how come you're back?"
Tears started to fall down his face.
"Jesus Demyx! Whats wrong? Did something happen to him?"
The blonde boy shook his head.
"No... Nothing happened to him, hes fine... Excuse me."
With that he walked up the stairs to his room and locked the door.
He lay on his bed and let the tears roll into his pillow.
/Axel how could you do this to me?/
Marluxia's phone still lay next to him on the couch...
/You could call him... What could it hurt the worst he could say is no... But what are you looking for? More sex? Remember he was pretty coked up last night... He might completely regret it today.../
This last thought made him wince slightly...
He didn't regret it, it hadn't been a big deal at the time...
But the more he thought about it the more vividly he could remember his green eyes sliding shut, how tightly he had gripped him and how his body had arched and his breath became heavy just right before he came, afterwards too how he'd seemed so helpless, needing to be touched... How they lay there together touching but not reaching out... How Axel had so easily nestled his head into his chest when he'd wrapped his arms around his tiny waist...
He was tall in height but tiny in figure... Almost feminine... He'd remembered pulling his arm up from his side and noticing the fresh cuts mixed with white lines shining in the moonlight... But didn't dare to ask about them... They fell asleep like that and awoke the same way... Marluxia couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up beside someone from the night before... Or looked at them while they'd slept and this was scaring him...
He looked out into the rain and once again picked up his phone, only to throw it across the couch again.
Demyx returned to school the next day alone...
The wide halls seemed like they would swallow him whole and he knew if he wasn't careful he might run into Roxas again...
He would have to deal with him in class but that was controlled and he could handle snide comments, he could even handle Roxas if he was alone but he usually hung around in groups of 3 or more...
/The last thing I need is something else broken.../
With that the bell rang and he made his way up the cream coloured staircase to maths class.
His usual seat was empty and it was the same old class no changes whatsoever since he'd left...
So he sat down and lay his bag on the ground, pulled out his maths book and laid it on the desk, only to have it purposely knocked off his table by Roxas passing by who sniggered and said.
"Oooops sorry Demyx! Accidents happen!"
/Fucking asshole... I am in no mood./
He picked the book up off the floor and walked to Roxas' table where he and his gang were laughing and with the book in hand raised his hand very deliberately and swung his hand full force with the book still grasped in it and hit Roxas in the side of the face.
Roxas went pale when the book caught his face and there was a collective gasp from the class...
Demyx was almost instantly hauled off to the principals office but he was grinning and even gave Roxas the finger on the way out.
"And so Demyx was here when I arrived back... And I told him everything... We wern't official or anything... But he took it really hard... And now I dunno what to do..."
Reno was wide eyed.
"You actually screwed him... I kinda thought you were kidding at first! But thats pretty bad, especially cause you hated him so much!"
Axel shook his head.
"Thats exactly why its so confusing... I enjoyed the deed... Just not the consequences..."
Reno's eyes were like saucers.
"Well say Marluxia asked you to be with him would you go for it?"
Axel thought for a moment...
"I wouldn't say so... But then again I didn't think I'd screw him either..."
Reno thought for another moment.
"Between Zexion and Marluxia?"
"Zexion obviously."
Reno nodded.
"Fair enough alright between Marluxia and Demyx?"
Axel answered almost immediately.
"Demyx."
Reno took a sip of the coffee that was sitting on the kitchen counter in front of him.
"So how about Zexion and Demyx?"
Axel shook his head.
"I hope thats a choice I don't ever have to make..."
*I've been clean for two weeks now... It's difficult I'm not gonna lie... I haven't had any fallbacks yet... They say if I continue like this I might even be able to head home and continue from there... I'm not sure if being at home would get me back into bad habits, or if it would give me the support I need to stay off it for good? Right now I'm just gonna worry about keeping myself busy and keeping my mind occupied and remember why I came here in the first place.*
Zexion gazed at the small picture of Axel which he stuck to his notebook.
/Just a little longer baby and I'll be back to you and I can be the boyfriend we both know you deserve and we'll never have to be separated again./
Reno shook his head.
"It's a choice that you'll have to make anyway... If you never let go of Zexion how are you ever supposed to love anyone else?"
Axel nodded frowning and pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled Demyx's number.
Demyx noticed his phone vibrating but couldn't pull it out as he was in trouble as it was...
So it rang out three times before he was even called into the principals office.
"Demyx... We take it as a very serious offence hitting or any kind of violence towards another student in any way shape or form you know that."
The blonde boy nodded.
"Since its a first offence we'll let you off lightly but if this happens again there'll be trouble got it?"
Demyx stood up and leaned over the table.
"And what about gay bashing? Is that perfectly acceptable in your school?"
The principal looked stumped.
"Well no form of violence towards another person for any reason is tolerated here."
"Then you should really check your surveillence cameras more..."
With that Demyx stood up and went to leave.
"We're clearly not done here Demyx you're suspended for 3 days... And what exactly did you mean by that last comment?"
The blonde sighed.
"Well the reason my rib is broken is due to Roxas' out of my years gay hating antics... Him and his cronies decided to jump me after school and I wound up going to hospital. I was unconscious for several hours and was grateful that Axel was nearby and kind enough to come and look after me so long story short I have a broken rib cause I like guys... Course if you had of checked your security cameras like you're supposed to I would never have taken revenge into my own hands and hit him with my maths book... Is that all?"
The principal a little shocked about what she'd just been told went to find out about the security camera footage straight away...
Demyx walked out into the rain with his head down he pulled his hood up and made his way over towards the school shelters...
/At least this way I won't get grilled by my mom about what happened.../
He was mid stride when he was stopped by hands on his shoulders his blue eyes searched the familiar looking body and finally met its sad owners acid green eyes.
Demyx wanted to talk to say anything to push him away to tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again.
But a hand on his chin tilted his head up and before he could stop himself or protest his bag was in the wet grass and his hands were tangled in Axels hair, his lips and tongue mingling with Axel's...
Axel's hands slid down Demyx's back his embrace tightening as though he was afraid to let go...
When their lips parted Axel's lips were at Demyx's ear.
"I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. I don't expect you to forgive me. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry... And I regret hurting you. I don't even know why I did it..."
The blonde was taken offguard and just nodded taking a sharp breath inwards.
"How do I know you're not lying?"
Axel shrugged.
"I guess you don't... But I'm not going to ask you to trust me either..."
Demyx turned back to Axel and looked him straight in the eye.
"We're wern't official and I guess I have no reason not to trust you..."
Axel took a deep breath.
"Just say yes or no..."
He took another deep breath.
"I want to dedicate myself to you... I want you to be able to trust me... What I'm saying is... I want to make 'us' official..."
Demyx picked up his bag from the grass and slung it over one shoulder looking thoughtful.
"Honestly Axel, I don't know... It's not for lack of wanting, I've liked you for... Well years... But I'm gonna have to think about that... And I think you do too... Like if Zexion returned tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'd be dumped in a heartbeat... Pointless heartbreak is something I think I'd rather avoid... So when you figure it out, let me know..."
Demyx then kissed Axel lightly on the cheek and started off in the direction of home across the wet grass, leaving Axel standing alone in the rain phone in hand.
"I'll text you later on kay?"
Demyx raised his hand and waved as he walked away.
The rain was easing off and on the horizon there was a break in the clouds...
Maybe things would be okay after all...
The whole house was empty, Reno had gone to work and Axel...
He didn't know where he was, but was getting the idea that this was Axel's way of telling him he'd outstayed his welcome and that he just wasn't interested...
Wiping his eyes he sat up and pulled a dark pair of jeans from his bag just as he pulled them on he heard keys in the door and peeked out of the bedroom door to see who it was...
There at the end of the stairs stood Axel.
Demyx wanted to be angry and cold and uncaring...
But in the pit of his stomach he felt a mix of butterflies and dread and excitement...
He stepped back into the room to grab his t shirt and stood on a creaky floorboard.
/FUCK FUCK FUCK! Maybe... He didn't hear...?/
No such luck...
Step by step Axel was walking towards his room and swung the door open whilst Demyx was in the middle of getting his t shirt on, Demyx decided to play the 'oh its just you card'.
Axel looked at Demyx smiling.
"Hi! I didn't think you were coming back last night... So I headed out for a walk."
Demyx turned around.
"Listen, you don't have to explain yourself to me..."
He threw his last few things into his backpack, threw it over one of his shoulders and made for the door.
Axel looked confused.
"Where are you going?"
Demyx stopped without turning around.
"Home..."
"Why?"
"I'm not willing to be your doormat while you're off whoring yourself."
Axel stepped in front of Demyx.
"Why do you think I was out 'whoring' myself anyway?"
Demyx was trying to hold back tears.
"Honestly Axel? I can fucking smell him off you... Not that its my business, we were never really happening anyway and then lying about it... Excuse me."
With that Demyx left the room with Axel in tow.
"Okay okay, I'll tell you the truth..."
Demyx stopped dead in his tracks bracing himself against finding out who it was, he took a deep breath and didn't turn around.
"Okay..."
There was a long silence and Demyx took a deep breath.
"Where were you last night? Who do you think would go through all this shit and come out to their mother just to get a few more days to spend with you? Who do you think would worry and stay up half the night in tears worrying about what happened to you? Who do you think would search for hours to find you and get no result and search again?"
There was a long pause between them.
"I did Axel and I did it as your friend... I wasn't trying to get into your pants or whatever you think I'm doing all this for... You know how I feel... Now tell me what happened..."
The redhead took a deep breath.
"Are you sure you want to hear this?"
Demyx looked at the floor.
"Probably not, but looks like I'll have to."
Axel sat on the stairs.
"Right... You left last night and went to your house... I was fine just lying on my bed and whatever... Then I started to feel a bit... You know... So I did a line... Then seeing I had only a little left I did the rest of it... With every intention of giving up as soon as it was gone... So I waited for you... And eventually it got really late and I went for a walk... While walking up a road I caught sight of Marluxia's house..."
Demyx put his bag down and sat on the stairs his back still facing Axel.
"And?"
The redhead shifted slightly.
"I stood there for a little while thinking... And then went up the garden path..."
Demyx could feel bile beginning to make its way up his throat.
"And I was standing on the doorstep... And he opened the door... I asked him for something that would make me forget Zexion ever existed or at least ease the pain of the fact that he does..."
The blonde could feel the tears well up in his eyes.
"And?"
"And he invited me in... We had a drink... Then we talked for ages... Then he set a line on the table and invited me to do half of it..."
"And of course you did it..."
Demyx spat the words out like poison.
Axel sighed his voice cracking.
"Y-Yeah... Then we talked a little more about Zexion... Next thing I knew, he was kissing me... And... Then... Then we went upstairs..."
The images flashed through his mind like forbidden memories, things that he knew he should be ashamed of... But just couldn't quite bear to part with...
Demyx's voice was shakey.
"So you slept with him?"
Axel stayed very quiet for what seemed like forever and all Demyx could hear was his heart beating loudly in his ears and the sound of his own throat trying to swallow away the lump that was forming there.
"Yeah... I did."
Demyx was shaking, he felt dizzy and sick he wanted to tell Axel he adored him, that he was so disappointed and how he wanted to be the one he came to when things got bad...
But all he could muster was,
"Okay."
Before picking up his backpack and walking to the door.
"No Demyx wait! Please!"
Axel stood in front of the door but Demyx's eyes were fixed firmly on the floor.
"Look at me... Please."
The blonde kept his eyes firmly on the floor and whispered.
"I don't think I can..."
With that he pulled the door and Axel stepped aside to let him pass, Demyx stepped outside into the morning grey and stopped not turning around...
"And just as I was starting to fall for you too..."
Axel watched as Demyx rounded the corner making eye contact just for a moment and then disappearing behind a wall.
He kicked the door when he got in.
/Damn it... What the fuck?/
He went up the stairs and went straight into the bathroom and picked up the blade.
/You stupid stupid fuck you messed up everything you had for the sake of preserving a fucking memory and because you got horny!? STUPID STUPID BASTARD!/
His right arm was bloodied from the crook of his elbow to the crease of where his hand began.
/Fuck... Now I have to clean this up too.../
He heard his brothers keys in the door and panicked...
Grabbing a sponge from the shower he wiped the drips of blood from the floor and ran his arm under the water.
It stung like hell...
But there were far worse things than physical pain in this world he realised and took as warning that it'd probably be the least painful thing he'd experience today...
Demyx was walking home tears running down his face when it started to rain...
/I can't believe he'd lead me on like that... Why would he ever do that to me? I thought he was at the very least my friend.../
He really didn't want to go home...
But where else could he go?
Street after street he walked, downtown, around by the hospital and ended up at the pier...
It was deserted except for some fishermen he noticed as he walked up to the end of it and sat down feet dangling over the edge, he looked into the water and could barely make out his reflection through all the raindrops that were hitting the water...
He decided he would return to school the next day just to get his mind off it...
But for now, he was okay just sitting in the rain...
Marluxia sat in his living room staring at the raindrops sliding down the window outside.
His thoughts were full of the night before...
It wasn't by any means the best sex he'd ever had, but it was stuck in his head...
Something about him captured his thoughts and held on for dear life, the way his body jerked when it was becoming too much and the irresistable way his eyes rolled backwards and slid shut just before he came...
He still had the marks his nails left on his back he'd been gripping on so hard.
/Still raining.../
He looked at his phone tempted to call Axel and picked it up and dialled in the number and almost pressed call a dozen or so times then threw his phone onto the couch beside him just out of reach.
/Don't be stupid... It was most likely a once off... And you're just wanting him cause you know you can't have him... Again... Right?/
Axel pulled his sleeves down to cover the damage he'd just inflicted on himself just as his brother came into his room.
"Where the fuck were you last night? Demyx was waiting here all night came out searching twice... In fact wheres he now?"
"He went home..."
"Can't say I blame him... Now why the fuck didn't you call? And where were you?"
Axel looked ashamed.
"Well I left my phone somewhere where i couldn't hear it and I was close by..."
Reno frowned.
"I didn't ask for a general direction I asked where you were!"
Axel sighed quietly ashamed to admit where he was.
"Marluxia's..."
Reno laughed.
"Fuck off... You hate Marluxia."
"I know thats what makes this situation all the more confusing..."
Reno stopped dead in his tracks.
"You didn't..."
"Didn't what?"
"Sleep with him..."
Axel nodded slowly.
Reno shook his head.
"What are you on drugs? Havent you despised him for most of your life?"
Axel was slightly startled by the question...
"I'm not on anything... And yeah... Like I said I have no idea why it happened..."
Reno shrugged.
"I've just heard hes a bit of a manwhore... wouldn't wanna see you hurt bro."
Demyx slowly made his way home again from the pier. he was still finding it hard to cope with and kept his head down for the whole way home he didnt want to be seen or questioned by anyone who might know him, his eyes were tear stained and he just wanted to go home lie on his bed and die.
/I don't want to fall in love I don't wanna date anyone... I just want to be left alone... Rip my heart out and leave it at home so nothing outside there can effect it.../
He sighed to himself... He'd been so absorbed in his thoughts his house was already in view.
/If I go straight upstairs maybe she wont question me... Maybe I can just go upstairs and she'll leave me be.../
He stuck his key in the door and just as he was about to turn it the door opened.
"Hi Demyx... What happened? Did Axel come back? And how come you're back?"
Tears started to fall down his face.
"Jesus Demyx! Whats wrong? Did something happen to him?"
The blonde boy shook his head.
"No... Nothing happened to him, hes fine... Excuse me."
With that he walked up the stairs to his room and locked the door.
He lay on his bed and let the tears roll into his pillow.
/Axel how could you do this to me?/
Marluxia's phone still lay next to him on the couch...
/You could call him... What could it hurt the worst he could say is no... But what are you looking for? More sex? Remember he was pretty coked up last night... He might completely regret it today.../
This last thought made him wince slightly...
He didn't regret it, it hadn't been a big deal at the time...
But the more he thought about it the more vividly he could remember his green eyes sliding shut, how tightly he had gripped him and how his body had arched and his breath became heavy just right before he came, afterwards too how he'd seemed so helpless, needing to be touched... How they lay there together touching but not reaching out... How Axel had so easily nestled his head into his chest when he'd wrapped his arms around his tiny waist...
He was tall in height but tiny in figure... Almost feminine... He'd remembered pulling his arm up from his side and noticing the fresh cuts mixed with white lines shining in the moonlight... But didn't dare to ask about them... They fell asleep like that and awoke the same way... Marluxia couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up beside someone from the night before... Or looked at them while they'd slept and this was scaring him...
He looked out into the rain and once again picked up his phone, only to throw it across the couch again.
Demyx returned to school the next day alone...
The wide halls seemed like they would swallow him whole and he knew if he wasn't careful he might run into Roxas again...
He would have to deal with him in class but that was controlled and he could handle snide comments, he could even handle Roxas if he was alone but he usually hung around in groups of 3 or more...
/The last thing I need is something else broken.../
With that the bell rang and he made his way up the cream coloured staircase to maths class.
His usual seat was empty and it was the same old class no changes whatsoever since he'd left...
So he sat down and lay his bag on the ground, pulled out his maths book and laid it on the desk, only to have it purposely knocked off his table by Roxas passing by who sniggered and said.
"Oooops sorry Demyx! Accidents happen!"
/Fucking asshole... I am in no mood./
He picked the book up off the floor and walked to Roxas' table where he and his gang were laughing and with the book in hand raised his hand very deliberately and swung his hand full force with the book still grasped in it and hit Roxas in the side of the face.
Roxas went pale when the book caught his face and there was a collective gasp from the class...
Demyx was almost instantly hauled off to the principals office but he was grinning and even gave Roxas the finger on the way out.
"And so Demyx was here when I arrived back... And I told him everything... We wern't official or anything... But he took it really hard... And now I dunno what to do..."
Reno was wide eyed.
"You actually screwed him... I kinda thought you were kidding at first! But thats pretty bad, especially cause you hated him so much!"
Axel shook his head.
"Thats exactly why its so confusing... I enjoyed the deed... Just not the consequences..."
Reno's eyes were like saucers.
"Well say Marluxia asked you to be with him would you go for it?"
Axel thought for a moment...
"I wouldn't say so... But then again I didn't think I'd screw him either..."
Reno thought for another moment.
"Between Zexion and Marluxia?"
"Zexion obviously."
Reno nodded.
"Fair enough alright between Marluxia and Demyx?"
Axel answered almost immediately.
"Demyx."
Reno took a sip of the coffee that was sitting on the kitchen counter in front of him.
"So how about Zexion and Demyx?"
Axel shook his head.
"I hope thats a choice I don't ever have to make..."
*I've been clean for two weeks now... It's difficult I'm not gonna lie... I haven't had any fallbacks yet... They say if I continue like this I might even be able to head home and continue from there... I'm not sure if being at home would get me back into bad habits, or if it would give me the support I need to stay off it for good? Right now I'm just gonna worry about keeping myself busy and keeping my mind occupied and remember why I came here in the first place.*
Zexion gazed at the small picture of Axel which he stuck to his notebook.
/Just a little longer baby and I'll be back to you and I can be the boyfriend we both know you deserve and we'll never have to be separated again./
Reno shook his head.
"It's a choice that you'll have to make anyway... If you never let go of Zexion how are you ever supposed to love anyone else?"
Axel nodded frowning and pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled Demyx's number.
Demyx noticed his phone vibrating but couldn't pull it out as he was in trouble as it was...
So it rang out three times before he was even called into the principals office.
"Demyx... We take it as a very serious offence hitting or any kind of violence towards another student in any way shape or form you know that."
The blonde boy nodded.
"Since its a first offence we'll let you off lightly but if this happens again there'll be trouble got it?"
Demyx stood up and leaned over the table.
"And what about gay bashing? Is that perfectly acceptable in your school?"
The principal looked stumped.
"Well no form of violence towards another person for any reason is tolerated here."
"Then you should really check your surveillence cameras more..."
With that Demyx stood up and went to leave.
"We're clearly not done here Demyx you're suspended for 3 days... And what exactly did you mean by that last comment?"
The blonde sighed.
"Well the reason my rib is broken is due to Roxas' out of my years gay hating antics... Him and his cronies decided to jump me after school and I wound up going to hospital. I was unconscious for several hours and was grateful that Axel was nearby and kind enough to come and look after me so long story short I have a broken rib cause I like guys... Course if you had of checked your security cameras like you're supposed to I would never have taken revenge into my own hands and hit him with my maths book... Is that all?"
The principal a little shocked about what she'd just been told went to find out about the security camera footage straight away...
Demyx walked out into the rain with his head down he pulled his hood up and made his way over towards the school shelters...
/At least this way I won't get grilled by my mom about what happened.../
He was mid stride when he was stopped by hands on his shoulders his blue eyes searched the familiar looking body and finally met its sad owners acid green eyes.
Demyx wanted to talk to say anything to push him away to tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again.
But a hand on his chin tilted his head up and before he could stop himself or protest his bag was in the wet grass and his hands were tangled in Axels hair, his lips and tongue mingling with Axel's...
Axel's hands slid down Demyx's back his embrace tightening as though he was afraid to let go...
When their lips parted Axel's lips were at Demyx's ear.
"I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. I don't expect you to forgive me. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry... And I regret hurting you. I don't even know why I did it..."
The blonde was taken offguard and just nodded taking a sharp breath inwards.
"How do I know you're not lying?"
Axel shrugged.
"I guess you don't... But I'm not going to ask you to trust me either..."
Demyx turned back to Axel and looked him straight in the eye.
"We're wern't official and I guess I have no reason not to trust you..."
Axel took a deep breath.
"Just say yes or no..."
He took another deep breath.
"I want to dedicate myself to you... I want you to be able to trust me... What I'm saying is... I want to make 'us' official..."
Demyx picked up his bag from the grass and slung it over one shoulder looking thoughtful.
"Honestly Axel, I don't know... It's not for lack of wanting, I've liked you for... Well years... But I'm gonna have to think about that... And I think you do too... Like if Zexion returned tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'd be dumped in a heartbeat... Pointless heartbreak is something I think I'd rather avoid... So when you figure it out, let me know..."
Demyx then kissed Axel lightly on the cheek and started off in the direction of home across the wet grass, leaving Axel standing alone in the rain phone in hand.
"I'll text you later on kay?"
Demyx raised his hand and waved as he walked away.
The rain was easing off and on the horizon there was a break in the clouds...
Maybe things would be okay after all...
First Encounter Chapter 10
Demyx called his mother when they arrived back from the beach and walked into Axel's room with a big smile on his face.
"Did she give out to you for being drunk?"
Demyx shrugged giggling.
"I don't think she noticed, she wants me to drop home tomorrow though just to make sure I'm okay..."
He sighed.
"Why the long face?"
The blonde's shoulders dropped as he blew breath out from his puffed out cheeks.
"I just kinda... Like being here..."
Axel cocked his head.
"And?"
Demyx sighed again.
"You know you can come back after Demy..."
A small smile crept across Demyx's lips.
"Maybe I will..."
"Are you sure you'll be okay? Like you can come along... Cause Reno's gone out and all... You're welcome anytime in my house..."
Axel smiled and shook his head.
"You go see your mom and spend some time I'll be here when you get back. Okay?"
Demyx nodded slowly but really didnt want to leave Axel alone... Especially after spotting all the cuts on his arm... That would be something he decided he would need to keep an eye on.
"Okay... I'll be back soon."
Axel waved as Demyx drove off with his mother and when they were out of sight turned back into the empty house and closed the door behind him.
His back was against the front door and he felt himself slide down it his hands met the floor with a light thud.
/I know he likes me... And I like him... But I still love... And it still hurts.../
He put his head in his hands looking through his fingers at the floor.
/Would it hurt so much...?/
"So hows Axel doing?"
"Better I think."
"How are the ribs?"
"Getting there... Sore but I'm still up and about with em..."
"Thats good... So... Its been a few days... When do you think you'll be back?"
Demyx lay his teacup on the table and looked up at his mother.
"Well... When hes better..."
His mother shot him a look.
"Come on Demyx... You're supposed to be resting and getting better and heading back to school soon... You can't really do that running about all the time... Plus... You wern't friends with this boy before... Whats the sudden interest?"
/Sudden interest? SUDDEN?/
He could feel himself heat up... He was flustered that his mom didn't understand what he was feeling and even more flustered about the fact that she couldn't read it without making him say the words he hadn't planned to utter to his mother for a while... Her whole life if that was possible...
"I'm gay."
"I mean you've only just met him and..."
His mother went very silent and looked at him.
"What?"
"I'm... Gay."
Axel found himself lining up the white powder along the back of the toilet again.
/This isn't forever, its just to take the edge off... Just to make things a little easier to handle right now.../
He snorted it up and his eyes watered a little.
Axel made his way out of the bathroom and concealed the bag in the toe of his shoe.
He lay back on his bed and started picking shapes out of the cracks in the ceiling, he could feel it starting to work already...
/I know I miss him. But he's gone... And I need to accept that Zexions gone and get off this crap so I can decide what to do with a clear head and a clear conscience... Theres not much left in there and if I get rid of it all now... Then there'll be no more... And no more temptation... Right?/
His eyes looked at the screen of his phone...
/21.21... He'll be back soon enough... I'd better do this quick.../
"You're... Gay?"
Demyx took another casual sip from his teacup and laid it down trying to make it look like it wasn't a big deal even if the real reason he was sipping the tea was that his mouth had gone like the Sahara Desert...
"Yeah."
His mother shifted on her chair.
"And when did you establish this?"
The blonde boy turned to look her in the eye.
"I guess I've always known..."
His mother was shaking her head.
"But what about... Children? Marriage?"
Demyx shook his head.
"I can always get married... And I can adopt kids..."
He could see tears form in his mothers eyes.
"And what about what happens those people who are open about it? The hatred... The beatings? Sometimes even killings? I lost your father... I'd rather not..."
She couldn't continue and simply broke down into tears, Demyx could do nothing but hug her...
"I'm sorry mom... But I can't help how I am..."
Tears started running down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry..."
Axel was lying on his bed alone feeling the complete come down that was happening.
/I want to get clean... I need to beat this to have a clear head... To make a decision... Being sober hurts... But I need to be strong... And Demyx will be back soon... He'll keep me strong.../
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
Demyx sighed.
"Honestly? I was scared... I wasn't sure how you'd react... And I was probably right about keeping it in..."
His mother shook her head.
"No... I'm glad you told me..."
She laughed a little.
Demyx raised an eyebrow.
"You find this funny?"
She shook her head.
"No no! I just think its funny that one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was that I don't have to worry about you coming home and telling me you got some girl pregnant..."
She wiped her eyes and there was a long silence...
"Oh... Well yeah I guess..."
Next thing they knew they were both laughing.
Axel could feel every passing minute...
His nails started to scrape the bedsheets in frustration and want.
/Demyx I need you... Where are you?/
He dialled his number and heard a soft ringing...
"Demyx?"
He moved towards the noise and found not Demyx but his phone lying underneath his bedsheets...
/He must have forgotten it.../
Sighing he lay down and watched the clock for a further twenty minutes...
He stood up and sat back down again...
/23.00.../
Before he could stop himself he was walking out of his room jeans on striped t shirt on hoody in his hand hair sticking up in its usual style...
He wasn't feeling the minutes passing...
Next thing his hoody was on...
The coke was in his system working hard to keep him going...
But even at this high stage he could feel it beginning to decend...
This street was familiar...
Painfully familiar...
The last time he'd been here he'd said goodbye to the one person he'd ever really loved...
But he wasn't here for that this time...
"So thats why I want to stay with Axel... Hes looked out for me so much... And well... I think..."
His mother sighed.
"You like him?"
Demyx's face flushed.
"Well maybe... He needs someone right now... He's gone through a lot..."
His mother nodded sighing.
"I just don't want to see you used or hurt... And I don't mind you staying there... Just make sure when its time to go back to school you stay less and put effort into studying... Okay?"
Demyx nodded.
"Okay... I'll put more effort into school..."
"Promise?"
"Promise..."
He went to turn to get some things from his bedroom when he realised he probably should mention the real reason Roxas beat him up and took a breath ready to talk...
But changed his mind and sighed instead.
/It'll just worry her.../
Demyx walked up the stairs and into his room packing some random clothes into a backpack and even throwing in his school books so he could brush up a little on some subjects before he started back...
Throwing everything he needed in he walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Don't worry about me and... I love you."
His mother smiled at him and called out after him just before he left the house.
"I love you too."
Demyx was in high spirits as he made the walk to Axel's.
/I feel like I've just had a huge weight lifted off me! I'm so glad I told her.../
Humming to himself the streets just seemed to glide by under his feet, he passed cars and gardens and trees and before he knew it there he stood outside Axel's house.
Still humming to himself he rang the doorbell and Reno answered.
"Oh hey! Whats up?"
"Hi! Is it cool with you if I stay again?"
Reno nodded.
"Course! Head up, I think he might be sleeping or something though hes been really quiet although I only got in like half an hour ago..."
Demyx nodded happily and took the stairs quietly, it was dark and Demyx flipped on one of the lamps in the room, so as not to wake Axel up.
But when he turned around...
His bed was empty...
Both beds were empty...
Demyx ran down the stairs and into the kitchen where Reno was pouring himself a drink.
"Hes not upstairs..."
Reno put the glass down.
"He's not upstairs?"
Demyx shook his head now clearly panicked.
The redhead grabbed his car keys and rushed towards the door with Demyx in tow.
"Don't worry dude, we'll find him."
Axel stood outside the house staring at it despite the fact that it had started to rain...
He knew someone was in...
There were lights flipping on and off in random rooms and the blue glow of a tv flickering against the blinds in the front room.
One foot in front of another he walked up towards the house up the pleasant little pathway that usually meant dread for him, he thought outsiders would find it very pleasant and lovely to behold...
Think that maybe a family lived there...
That maybe they owned a dog...
And that they all loved each other...
A mom a dad and two or three kids...
Or maybe... Just maybe he was still junked up and these thoughts were the result of nothing but cocaine.
None the less he followed the little path up to the house his hair dripping as he stepped onto the doorstep, his hand lingering over the bell, but before he even rang it the door opened...
"Axel? What are you doing here?"
Reno pulled up to Demyx's house.
"You should check here before you start panicking... He might have come to pick you up and got talking to your mom or something... You know Axel once he starts talking theres NO shutting him up."
The blonde boy knocked at the door and his mother answered.
"Hey!"
"Oh whats wrong? Did you forget something?"
Demyx shook his head.
"No no, Axel isn't here by any chance is he?"
His mother shook her head.
"No... Why?"
"Cause when I got to his, he wasn't there either... We don't know where he is..."
Immediately Demyx's mother ran in and pulling on a jacket grabbed her car keys.
Reno stepped out of his car.
"We can look for him I'm sure hes just gone for a walk or something... You stay in out of the rain."
She shook her head.
"He looked after Demyx when he was in trouble and I'd like to help out..."
Reno nodded.
"Alright then... You head towards town and we'll check out Zexion's house we'll meet back here that ok with you?"
"Fine by me."
With that they switched numbers and got into their cars.
Hoping that by the time they got back there one of them would have Axel safely in their car...
"I-I..."
"Zexion's not here... Haven't heard a word since he left... So what are you doing here?"
Axel's head fell and his eyes stared blankly at the floor.
"This place reminds me of him... Everything reminds me of him... I need something to help me forget... Or at least to help me not care..."
Marluxia was wide eyed and unsure of what to say...
He was staring at someone who had been a major obsticle in his life, someone who frustrated him, someone he thought he hated, but at that moment he didn't hate him...
And certainly couldn't bring himself to with the state he was in right now...
"Come in..."
The door closed behind them and Axel took in his surroundings...
He remembered storming through this house so many times wanting to kill Marluxia and save Zexion from his evil grasp...
But now he wasn't sure anymore...
Marluxia was the only person he knew had seen Zexion's weaker side besides himself...
And that thought both comforted and disturbed him...
"Can I get you a drink?"
Axel shrugged.
"Got anything harder?"
Marluxia looked at him suspiciously.
"What are you on right now?"
"Nothing... I just need something to make me feel better..."
"Come off it Axel, I've tried everything..."
The redhead sighed.
"Then you already know its cocaine why bother asking...?"
"I just wanted to make sure..."
Marluxia went out into the kitchen and fixed them both a drink.
"Here."
Axel took the drink off him eyeing it suspiciously.
"Theres nothing in your drink Axel... If there was I'd tell you."
The redhead shrugged.
"Wouldn't make a difference anyway... I'm probably screwing everything up just by being here..."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well I'm selling out... I'm supposed to hate you for stealing away my Zexion and turning him into a junkball... But now I get that no one can turn anyone into a junkball... That it was all his own doing... That hes a big boy and made all of his own choices... Including cheating on me with you..."
His voice broke on the last word and tears started flowing down his cheeks.
"I know he was addicted... Was it simply for a hit that he took up your offer? Or was it... Something else?"
Marluxia lined up some coke on the glass table in front of them and did half the line then offered the other half to Axel which he took.
"It was just for the drugs... He talked about you... A lot... And always felt bad that he'd cheated afterwards... And it killed me... That no matter what he got from me he'd always return to you..."
He spat the last words out like they were venom burning his throat...
"Its not that I was short of lovers or admirers... I could have his body... But you... You had his soul... His heart... He came back to me for another hit... But went home to you to confess his failings and for love... For forgivness..."
Axel downed the rest of his drink and looked to Marluxia.
"You're the only person who understands that I have nothing left..."
Tears ran down his face and Marluxia found himself remorseful, reaching out to wipe the tears away, tilting his face up.
Their eyes met a moment before their lips did and they seared and burned each other with something very close to hatred jealousy and heat that was fuelled by pure want...
The want to recapture their memories of what they missed by using the closest subsitute to the real thing.
Nothing was said nothing needed to be...
Both knew where they stood as they dragged each other up the stairs searing each other with touches of want and searing passion...
The hatred was gone...
For tonight they were lovers...
They could worry about the consequences tomorrow...
Axel hit the bed with force and Marluxia pulled his jeans off capturing his lips again in that intoxicating heat and passion...
He braced himself for the pain that would inevitably follow but Marluxia was gentle...
Surprisingly gentle...
He remembered all the bruises that he'd seen on Zexion...
And closed his eyes and thought of him...
Then opened his eyes again and met Marluxia's...
Suddenly he felt himself gasping and gripping Marluxia's back digging his nails into his skin in esctasy.
This made no sense...
His eyes fell closed and breathing heavily felt Marluxias hand move up and down him intensfying his pleasure ten fold.
A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he released across their stomachs in a shuddering sigh that seemed to take over his entire body.
Marluxia gripped the bedsheets and gasped as he released deep inside Axel.
He collasped on top of him panting from the exertion.
Both lay there breathless for what seemed like hours and yet passed like seconds...
Marluxia pulled out and rolled over onto his back panting, he stayed close to Axel their bodies still touching...
But neither reached out for the other...
It made no sense...
He had not slept with him for drugs or revenge he had not intended to sleep with him at all...
And when it came down to using him as a replica for Zexion his imagination failed him...
But Marluxia's eyes hadn't...
He had stared at him as he reached orgasm...
And followed suite soon after...
This was trouble waiting to happen and they could both feel it.
But for the moment neither cared...
Tonight they were lovers...
This was their world, their bubble, their situation...
It was breaking the rules of their game but from across the bed, across their universe, across their situation Marluxia reached out and wrapped his arm around Axel's waist pulling him against himself...
Their hearts were both broken by the same man and it wasn't affection, it wasn't love...
It was comfort...
And for now, that was good enough as he lay his head into Marluxia's chest and closed his eyes.
Just down the road in Axel's house Demyx lay in a bed alone...
Worrying about his friend, his crush, his, he hoped, lover to be...
/I wish you'd call me and let me know you're okay.../
He lay alone in the bed tears of worry running down his face, Reno pulled into the driveway but when he went to see if Demyx was okay Demyx pretended to be asleep...
Axel wasn't with him he had no idea where he was...
And he hadn't been answering his phone...
This all ran through his mind until 6 am when he finally through heavy tear filled eyes saw the room fade into black and finally fell asleep, hoping that tomorrow he would wake up to Axel fast asleep beside him with his arms wrapped around his waist...
"Did she give out to you for being drunk?"
Demyx shrugged giggling.
"I don't think she noticed, she wants me to drop home tomorrow though just to make sure I'm okay..."
He sighed.
"Why the long face?"
The blonde's shoulders dropped as he blew breath out from his puffed out cheeks.
"I just kinda... Like being here..."
Axel cocked his head.
"And?"
Demyx sighed again.
"You know you can come back after Demy..."
A small smile crept across Demyx's lips.
"Maybe I will..."
"Are you sure you'll be okay? Like you can come along... Cause Reno's gone out and all... You're welcome anytime in my house..."
Axel smiled and shook his head.
"You go see your mom and spend some time I'll be here when you get back. Okay?"
Demyx nodded slowly but really didnt want to leave Axel alone... Especially after spotting all the cuts on his arm... That would be something he decided he would need to keep an eye on.
"Okay... I'll be back soon."
Axel waved as Demyx drove off with his mother and when they were out of sight turned back into the empty house and closed the door behind him.
His back was against the front door and he felt himself slide down it his hands met the floor with a light thud.
/I know he likes me... And I like him... But I still love... And it still hurts.../
He put his head in his hands looking through his fingers at the floor.
/Would it hurt so much...?/
"So hows Axel doing?"
"Better I think."
"How are the ribs?"
"Getting there... Sore but I'm still up and about with em..."
"Thats good... So... Its been a few days... When do you think you'll be back?"
Demyx lay his teacup on the table and looked up at his mother.
"Well... When hes better..."
His mother shot him a look.
"Come on Demyx... You're supposed to be resting and getting better and heading back to school soon... You can't really do that running about all the time... Plus... You wern't friends with this boy before... Whats the sudden interest?"
/Sudden interest? SUDDEN?/
He could feel himself heat up... He was flustered that his mom didn't understand what he was feeling and even more flustered about the fact that she couldn't read it without making him say the words he hadn't planned to utter to his mother for a while... Her whole life if that was possible...
"I'm gay."
"I mean you've only just met him and..."
His mother went very silent and looked at him.
"What?"
"I'm... Gay."
Axel found himself lining up the white powder along the back of the toilet again.
/This isn't forever, its just to take the edge off... Just to make things a little easier to handle right now.../
He snorted it up and his eyes watered a little.
Axel made his way out of the bathroom and concealed the bag in the toe of his shoe.
He lay back on his bed and started picking shapes out of the cracks in the ceiling, he could feel it starting to work already...
/I know I miss him. But he's gone... And I need to accept that Zexions gone and get off this crap so I can decide what to do with a clear head and a clear conscience... Theres not much left in there and if I get rid of it all now... Then there'll be no more... And no more temptation... Right?/
His eyes looked at the screen of his phone...
/21.21... He'll be back soon enough... I'd better do this quick.../
"You're... Gay?"
Demyx took another casual sip from his teacup and laid it down trying to make it look like it wasn't a big deal even if the real reason he was sipping the tea was that his mouth had gone like the Sahara Desert...
"Yeah."
His mother shifted on her chair.
"And when did you establish this?"
The blonde boy turned to look her in the eye.
"I guess I've always known..."
His mother was shaking her head.
"But what about... Children? Marriage?"
Demyx shook his head.
"I can always get married... And I can adopt kids..."
He could see tears form in his mothers eyes.
"And what about what happens those people who are open about it? The hatred... The beatings? Sometimes even killings? I lost your father... I'd rather not..."
She couldn't continue and simply broke down into tears, Demyx could do nothing but hug her...
"I'm sorry mom... But I can't help how I am..."
Tears started running down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry..."
Axel was lying on his bed alone feeling the complete come down that was happening.
/I want to get clean... I need to beat this to have a clear head... To make a decision... Being sober hurts... But I need to be strong... And Demyx will be back soon... He'll keep me strong.../
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
Demyx sighed.
"Honestly? I was scared... I wasn't sure how you'd react... And I was probably right about keeping it in..."
His mother shook her head.
"No... I'm glad you told me..."
She laughed a little.
Demyx raised an eyebrow.
"You find this funny?"
She shook her head.
"No no! I just think its funny that one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was that I don't have to worry about you coming home and telling me you got some girl pregnant..."
She wiped her eyes and there was a long silence...
"Oh... Well yeah I guess..."
Next thing they knew they were both laughing.
Axel could feel every passing minute...
His nails started to scrape the bedsheets in frustration and want.
/Demyx I need you... Where are you?/
He dialled his number and heard a soft ringing...
"Demyx?"
He moved towards the noise and found not Demyx but his phone lying underneath his bedsheets...
/He must have forgotten it.../
Sighing he lay down and watched the clock for a further twenty minutes...
He stood up and sat back down again...
/23.00.../
Before he could stop himself he was walking out of his room jeans on striped t shirt on hoody in his hand hair sticking up in its usual style...
He wasn't feeling the minutes passing...
Next thing his hoody was on...
The coke was in his system working hard to keep him going...
But even at this high stage he could feel it beginning to decend...
This street was familiar...
Painfully familiar...
The last time he'd been here he'd said goodbye to the one person he'd ever really loved...
But he wasn't here for that this time...
"So thats why I want to stay with Axel... Hes looked out for me so much... And well... I think..."
His mother sighed.
"You like him?"
Demyx's face flushed.
"Well maybe... He needs someone right now... He's gone through a lot..."
His mother nodded sighing.
"I just don't want to see you used or hurt... And I don't mind you staying there... Just make sure when its time to go back to school you stay less and put effort into studying... Okay?"
Demyx nodded.
"Okay... I'll put more effort into school..."
"Promise?"
"Promise..."
He went to turn to get some things from his bedroom when he realised he probably should mention the real reason Roxas beat him up and took a breath ready to talk...
But changed his mind and sighed instead.
/It'll just worry her.../
Demyx walked up the stairs and into his room packing some random clothes into a backpack and even throwing in his school books so he could brush up a little on some subjects before he started back...
Throwing everything he needed in he walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Don't worry about me and... I love you."
His mother smiled at him and called out after him just before he left the house.
"I love you too."
Demyx was in high spirits as he made the walk to Axel's.
/I feel like I've just had a huge weight lifted off me! I'm so glad I told her.../
Humming to himself the streets just seemed to glide by under his feet, he passed cars and gardens and trees and before he knew it there he stood outside Axel's house.
Still humming to himself he rang the doorbell and Reno answered.
"Oh hey! Whats up?"
"Hi! Is it cool with you if I stay again?"
Reno nodded.
"Course! Head up, I think he might be sleeping or something though hes been really quiet although I only got in like half an hour ago..."
Demyx nodded happily and took the stairs quietly, it was dark and Demyx flipped on one of the lamps in the room, so as not to wake Axel up.
But when he turned around...
His bed was empty...
Both beds were empty...
Demyx ran down the stairs and into the kitchen where Reno was pouring himself a drink.
"Hes not upstairs..."
Reno put the glass down.
"He's not upstairs?"
Demyx shook his head now clearly panicked.
The redhead grabbed his car keys and rushed towards the door with Demyx in tow.
"Don't worry dude, we'll find him."
Axel stood outside the house staring at it despite the fact that it had started to rain...
He knew someone was in...
There were lights flipping on and off in random rooms and the blue glow of a tv flickering against the blinds in the front room.
One foot in front of another he walked up towards the house up the pleasant little pathway that usually meant dread for him, he thought outsiders would find it very pleasant and lovely to behold...
Think that maybe a family lived there...
That maybe they owned a dog...
And that they all loved each other...
A mom a dad and two or three kids...
Or maybe... Just maybe he was still junked up and these thoughts were the result of nothing but cocaine.
None the less he followed the little path up to the house his hair dripping as he stepped onto the doorstep, his hand lingering over the bell, but before he even rang it the door opened...
"Axel? What are you doing here?"
Reno pulled up to Demyx's house.
"You should check here before you start panicking... He might have come to pick you up and got talking to your mom or something... You know Axel once he starts talking theres NO shutting him up."
The blonde boy knocked at the door and his mother answered.
"Hey!"
"Oh whats wrong? Did you forget something?"
Demyx shook his head.
"No no, Axel isn't here by any chance is he?"
His mother shook her head.
"No... Why?"
"Cause when I got to his, he wasn't there either... We don't know where he is..."
Immediately Demyx's mother ran in and pulling on a jacket grabbed her car keys.
Reno stepped out of his car.
"We can look for him I'm sure hes just gone for a walk or something... You stay in out of the rain."
She shook her head.
"He looked after Demyx when he was in trouble and I'd like to help out..."
Reno nodded.
"Alright then... You head towards town and we'll check out Zexion's house we'll meet back here that ok with you?"
"Fine by me."
With that they switched numbers and got into their cars.
Hoping that by the time they got back there one of them would have Axel safely in their car...
"I-I..."
"Zexion's not here... Haven't heard a word since he left... So what are you doing here?"
Axel's head fell and his eyes stared blankly at the floor.
"This place reminds me of him... Everything reminds me of him... I need something to help me forget... Or at least to help me not care..."
Marluxia was wide eyed and unsure of what to say...
He was staring at someone who had been a major obsticle in his life, someone who frustrated him, someone he thought he hated, but at that moment he didn't hate him...
And certainly couldn't bring himself to with the state he was in right now...
"Come in..."
The door closed behind them and Axel took in his surroundings...
He remembered storming through this house so many times wanting to kill Marluxia and save Zexion from his evil grasp...
But now he wasn't sure anymore...
Marluxia was the only person he knew had seen Zexion's weaker side besides himself...
And that thought both comforted and disturbed him...
"Can I get you a drink?"
Axel shrugged.
"Got anything harder?"
Marluxia looked at him suspiciously.
"What are you on right now?"
"Nothing... I just need something to make me feel better..."
"Come off it Axel, I've tried everything..."
The redhead sighed.
"Then you already know its cocaine why bother asking...?"
"I just wanted to make sure..."
Marluxia went out into the kitchen and fixed them both a drink.
"Here."
Axel took the drink off him eyeing it suspiciously.
"Theres nothing in your drink Axel... If there was I'd tell you."
The redhead shrugged.
"Wouldn't make a difference anyway... I'm probably screwing everything up just by being here..."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well I'm selling out... I'm supposed to hate you for stealing away my Zexion and turning him into a junkball... But now I get that no one can turn anyone into a junkball... That it was all his own doing... That hes a big boy and made all of his own choices... Including cheating on me with you..."
His voice broke on the last word and tears started flowing down his cheeks.
"I know he was addicted... Was it simply for a hit that he took up your offer? Or was it... Something else?"
Marluxia lined up some coke on the glass table in front of them and did half the line then offered the other half to Axel which he took.
"It was just for the drugs... He talked about you... A lot... And always felt bad that he'd cheated afterwards... And it killed me... That no matter what he got from me he'd always return to you..."
He spat the last words out like they were venom burning his throat...
"Its not that I was short of lovers or admirers... I could have his body... But you... You had his soul... His heart... He came back to me for another hit... But went home to you to confess his failings and for love... For forgivness..."
Axel downed the rest of his drink and looked to Marluxia.
"You're the only person who understands that I have nothing left..."
Tears ran down his face and Marluxia found himself remorseful, reaching out to wipe the tears away, tilting his face up.
Their eyes met a moment before their lips did and they seared and burned each other with something very close to hatred jealousy and heat that was fuelled by pure want...
The want to recapture their memories of what they missed by using the closest subsitute to the real thing.
Nothing was said nothing needed to be...
Both knew where they stood as they dragged each other up the stairs searing each other with touches of want and searing passion...
The hatred was gone...
For tonight they were lovers...
They could worry about the consequences tomorrow...
Axel hit the bed with force and Marluxia pulled his jeans off capturing his lips again in that intoxicating heat and passion...
He braced himself for the pain that would inevitably follow but Marluxia was gentle...
Surprisingly gentle...
He remembered all the bruises that he'd seen on Zexion...
And closed his eyes and thought of him...
Then opened his eyes again and met Marluxia's...
Suddenly he felt himself gasping and gripping Marluxia's back digging his nails into his skin in esctasy.
This made no sense...
His eyes fell closed and breathing heavily felt Marluxias hand move up and down him intensfying his pleasure ten fold.
A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he released across their stomachs in a shuddering sigh that seemed to take over his entire body.
Marluxia gripped the bedsheets and gasped as he released deep inside Axel.
He collasped on top of him panting from the exertion.
Both lay there breathless for what seemed like hours and yet passed like seconds...
Marluxia pulled out and rolled over onto his back panting, he stayed close to Axel their bodies still touching...
But neither reached out for the other...
It made no sense...
He had not slept with him for drugs or revenge he had not intended to sleep with him at all...
And when it came down to using him as a replica for Zexion his imagination failed him...
But Marluxia's eyes hadn't...
He had stared at him as he reached orgasm...
And followed suite soon after...
This was trouble waiting to happen and they could both feel it.
But for the moment neither cared...
Tonight they were lovers...
This was their world, their bubble, their situation...
It was breaking the rules of their game but from across the bed, across their universe, across their situation Marluxia reached out and wrapped his arm around Axel's waist pulling him against himself...
Their hearts were both broken by the same man and it wasn't affection, it wasn't love...
It was comfort...
And for now, that was good enough as he lay his head into Marluxia's chest and closed his eyes.
Just down the road in Axel's house Demyx lay in a bed alone...
Worrying about his friend, his crush, his, he hoped, lover to be...
/I wish you'd call me and let me know you're okay.../
He lay alone in the bed tears of worry running down his face, Reno pulled into the driveway but when he went to see if Demyx was okay Demyx pretended to be asleep...
Axel wasn't with him he had no idea where he was...
And he hadn't been answering his phone...
This all ran through his mind until 6 am when he finally through heavy tear filled eyes saw the room fade into black and finally fell asleep, hoping that tomorrow he would wake up to Axel fast asleep beside him with his arms wrapped around his waist...
First Encounter Chapter 9
"I think its about time we left this room... And ate... I'm starving..."
Demyx blinked his eyes open slowly against the sunlight...
"Wha... Did you just say something?"
Axel crossed the room sitting on the edge of Demyx's bed.
"Yeah I said we should leave this room eat something... Maybe get the fuck out of here for the day?"
The blonde boy slowly wiped his eyes.
"That could be fun... Where do you have in mind?"
"I dunno... Anywhere... Its nice outside... Wanna go to the beach or something?"
The blonde teen smiled and stretched.
"Yeah I haven't been to the beach in... Years actually..."
Axel nodded his head thoughtfully.
"Me neither... Is that a yes then?"
Demyx nodded happily.
"Sure. Sounds good... You sure you're up to it?"
The redhead nodded slowly.
"Yeah... I think so."
He wouldn't meet Demyx's gaze but he smiled quickly filling the silence.
"So what we go hang out maybe swim get some ice cream? And which beach?"
Axel almost grimaced at the word swim.
"Uhm... I think we can get a bus to a beach from near here... Might be a little crowded though... Hmmm... I'll just check times..."
With that he sat down at his computer tapping keys for a few moments.
"Right... The next ones at 1... It's eleven thirty... So why don't you get ready to go and I'll head to the shop and pick us up some stuff?"
Demyx shrugged.
"I won't be long... I could come with you."
Axel shook his head grinning almost forcibly.
"Don't worry about me, what do you think I'm gonna do?"
The blonde shrugged.
"Alright... Just let Reno know..."
"I don't think hes here..."
"Okay... Well I'll see you in a few then."
"Kay."
Axel walked slowly down the stairs checking that Reno actually wasn't there.
/Thank God.../
He left the house quietly letting the door close with a click...
His hands shook slightly.
/It's just nerves... You know that Axel... You're not him.../
Slowly he pulled his phone out of his pocket and texting while he walked made his way towards the school.
Demyx walked out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist ruffling his wet hair with the other one he held, curiousity got the better of him and he began opening random boxes and presses around Axel's room.
/I know so little and so much about you... Everything that should have been left until later was revealed early and everything that should've been early days is still a mystery... Then again... I guess it wouldn't feel like it was you if it was any other way... Thats what makes you different.../
His hand ran across a box on one of his shelves and absent mindedly he opened it, inside was a ring and a note.
*I can only hope we'll always be together... If this cannot be the case then keep this as my promise and know I'll always love you... No one will ever replace the love you've shown me. No one will ever replace you, my Axel.*
Demyx felt his stomach contort with jealousy just as that happened the door swung open and there stood Axel, he noticed the ring in Demyx's hand and put the brown bag he was carrying down, took it and the note from him and put them back in their box.
"Did you have a nice shower?"
His voice was momentarily cold and Demyx wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not but answered anyway.
"Uhm... Yeah..."
"Get dressed we'll miss the bus."
Axel excused himself to the bathroom without any further delay.
Demyx shrugged and started to change.
/I wonder what that was all about?/
Axel sat in the bathroom and removed a small bag from his pocket.
/It's just so that coming down isn't so bad... Right? Yeah... Theres nothing wrong with that... Maybe it just took me longer to feel down from it cause it was my first time... I'm not even slightly wanting it. I'm okay. I'm in control here.../
He cut and placed a small line on the back of the toilet and breathing quietly snorted it feeling relieved that finding some was so easy...
/This isn't a forever thing... It's just something to take off the edge... This isn't forever it's just for right now./
Axel checked his nose in the mirror and feeling a little lifted already left the bathroom, Demyx was talking on the phone so he went to pick up the brown bag he'd dropped when he'd first walked in and packed the contents of it into a backpack.
Demyx ended his call and noticed Axel smiling to himself.
"So... Are you ready?"
The redhead nodded happily.
"Yup lets go!"
It wasn't his imagination... Axel was actually smiling...
And he kept smiling...
Right up until they were waiting on the bus.
When he started frowning.
"Stupid buses... They always take forever..."
/Thats a valid enough reason to stop smiling... Everyone hates waiting on buses... I guess.../
He was sighing to himself when Axel started grinning again.
"Awww come on its not that bad. The bus will be here soon."
Demyx giggled slightly.
"Thats not why I was... Never mind..."
Axel smiled, the way Axel used to smile, before everything...
Probably the way he smiled before he knew about him too...
This thought brought him down and he stared at his shoes while they sat on the ground at the bus stop.
Axel noticed noting the look on his face and whispered his name when the blonde turned his head Axel caught Demyx's lips on his own and lifted his hand gently to his face.
Their lips parted together like they knew what the other would do before it happened...
/Why is he doing this... He doesn't want me... Right?/
Demyx's eyes fell closed regardless as Axel's other hand creeped up to his shoulder fingers playing with a stray piece of hair that hung there.
/But I want this.../
He could feel Axel's teeth nibble on his lower lip and tried to relax into it letting his tongue trace over Axels in a slow... Even romantic rhythm.
/Finally.../
His hands were searching over Axel's chest and shoulders, he didn't care if they were at a bus stop in broad daylight he had dreamed of this and he was damn well gonna get the best he could out of it.
Suddenly a bus full of gawking school children passed all of whom were hanging out the windows and screeching at them with glee.
"KISSY KISSY!"
"WOOO WOOO!"
"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!"
Axel started laughing as did Demyx who was secretly cursing the school kids for ruining it.
"WOAH ITS TWO GUYS!"
"WHAT!?"
The girls on the bus rushed to the window wide eyed and giggling to get one last look at them before the bus turned the corner.
Axel laughed and waved to the excited girls.
"Guess they've never seen THAT before eh?"
Demyx shrugged blushing.
"I-I guess not..."
The redhead grinned putting his arm around Demyx's shoulders.
"Embarassed are we?"
His tongue traced the outside of the blonde teens ear making Demyx gasp.
"Now now Demyx settle down, we're in public..."
With that his hand started tracing circles on Demyx's thigh.
/Think of nuns... Think of mom... Think of... Roxas... Eugh.../
Axel knew exactly what he was doing to him and continued until the bus pulled around the corner and stood up with ease putting his hand out to stop the bus.
"Well? You coming or not?"
Demyx stood up slowly trying to stifle what was going on in his head and trousers at that very moment and awkwardly got on the bus throwing his hoody across his lap blushing lightly.
"Whats wrong Demy?"
"Nothing..."
Axel grinned and stared out the window as they left their neighbourhood and started out towards the edge of the city.
"I always enjoy leaving the city... It just feels like breaking out or something..."
Demyx nodded wondering what went on in Axel's head half the time.
/I can do this... I have to do this... I want to get better... I need to get better... For his sake... And for my sake.../
"Come on! I know a good spot around here."
"Are you sure this is safe?"
"Have you never been rock climbing?"
"No and this is pretty fucking high!"
"Gimme your hand, I'll make sure you don't fall."
Axel walked across a few more rocks and pulled Demyx up behind him causing him to stumble on the last rock and trip only to be caught in Axel's arms.
"You okay?"
"Yeah..."
The redhead looked around himself.
"Look around Dem the views pretty amazing."
Demyx lifted his head looking around himself.
They were on the cliffs high above the water on one side the beach could be seen, people walking around in different coloured bathing suits looked almost like ants...
On the other there was nothing but the sea with the sun glittering off its surface, all around them there was lush green grass...
Axel lay down looking at the clouds.
"This is... My getaway I guess you could call it... Me and Ze..."
He paused wincing that he had almost uttered his name but continued anyway acting like nothing had happened.
"Used to come up here and smoke weed, or drink, whatever took our fancy..."
He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes humming to himself then suddenly he opened them and reached to his backpack and pulled out a cigarette.
"It feels like forever since I've had a cigarette."
Demyx shrugged.
"Maybe you should use this as the beginning of quitting?"
Axel stopped with the cigarette between his lips and the lighter about an inch away from it.
"Hmmm... I could... Although right now... Thats doomed to failure... I've got too much on my mind... And well... I'm not exactly in a quitting mood..."
With that said he lit the cigarette and breathed out slowly after the first drag.
"Feels like I haven't smoked in like a month or something..."
Demyx nodded looking out across the sea.
"You look troubled Demy... What's up?"
The blonde took a breath like he was going to talk but he shut his mouth again and didn't say anything.
Axel shrugged and pulled a green glass bottle of cider out of his backpack and took the metal top off with his teeth.
"Drink up... Might loosen up your lips a bit..."
Demyx took the bottle and took a few experimental sips, he smiled.
"It's nice..."
"What were you expecting?"
Demyx shrugged.
"I dunno... I've only ever tried vodka..."
Axel laughed.
"No wonder you don't like alcohol... I've had some bad experiences with vodka..."
He held the cigarette between his lips while he pulled a bottle out of his bag for himself and pulled the top off it with his teeth.
"So Axel... How are you feeling?"
The redhead let his eyes slide shut.
"I'm fine, how're you feeling?"
"Grand..."
"So what was it that you were gonna say?"
Demyx shifted his weight.
"Uhm... Well I was just gonna ask..."
Axel shook his head.
"Okay... I get it..."
"Y-You do?"
"You need to drink until its seems like a good idea to say what you have to say otherwise you won't say it..."
"Uhm... Okay... Do you think its a good idea to drink that much?"
Axel laughed.
"I don't think that'll be that much for you Demyx..."
The blonde nodded.
"I guess you're right..."
One or two beers later...
"I mean he's just such an asshole... I think I'm gonna kick his ass when I go back... I don't care if they kick me out!"
Axel giggled.
"That's enough for you I think!"
He pulled the bottle out of Demyx's hand.
"Hey thats mine!"
"Then take it dude!"
Demyx tried but missed several times.
"That's soooo not fair!"
Axel grabbed his cheeks pulling his face.
"It is faaaaaaaaair cause you're tooooo druuuunkkk!!!"
"Owww Axel thats so mean! I'm soo not talking to youu now."
He sat down and turned his back to Axel pouting.
Axel went up behind him on his knees and rested his head on his shoulder.
"But I thought you wanted to tell me something?"
Demyx breathed in.
"Yeah... Well more ask you something..."
"Shoot."
"Well... I guess I'm just wondering why..."
"Yeah?"
"Why you keep me around... I mean... You'll never like me as much as you like... Love Zexion... And well I just wanted to know... Why..."
Axel went very quiet.
"I mean... I'm staying regardless of what the answer to that question is... I like you too much to leave... I just wondered..."
The redhead sighed out slowly trying to figure out how to explain himself.
"I'm going through a lot right now... Needless to say... You've been here for me... I still feel the same, about him... But I'm also feeling things for you... I don't know what I SHOULD do here... So I guess I'm just going with how I feel..."
Demyx now leaning against Axel took the bottle back from him and downed it in one go.
Axel raised an eyebrow.
"Am I to guess that theres another question?"
Demyx nodded.
"Can I ask one first?"
"Yeah... I guess..."
Axel cleared his throat.
"How long have you liked me for?"
The blonde teen gulped.
"Uhm..."
"Hey I'm answering all of your questions!"
"Okay okay... A few years... Although I never believed... That... Anything... Would um... Come of it..."
Axel seemed to blush slightly and Demyx moved his head quickly from Axel's lap.
"NOT THAT I'M IMPLYING ANYTHING WILL OR HAS ALREADY COME OF IT! I mean it'd be great if it did but... Oh God... I'm just gonna be silent now."
Axel shrugged.
"Last time I checked we kissed today... I dunno what that qualifies as to you... And usually it doesn't qualify as much to me..."
Demyx sighed sadly.
"But today... Well I think possibly thats changed..."
The blonde teen felt his breath catch in his throat in excitement.
"I guess... It will take a while for the past to fade away for me... But... I don't like the thought of not having you here... Near me..."
Axel moved around in front of Demyx and made him look into his eyes.
"So how do you feel about that?"
"I'm... I'm..."
Axel leaned in and kissed him softly.
"Just a yes or a no and I'll know."
Demyx nodded quickly and Axel pulled him close to him smiling.
/I can't believe it... Somehow... I've captured Axel's heart.../
Demyx laid back into Axel's chest and watched the now setting sun when Axel suddenly piped up.
"Wait, didn't you have one more question for me?"
Demyx smiled to himself.
"It doesn't really matter now..."
The redhead laid his head on top of Demyx's and watched the sunset.
Demyx blinked his eyes open slowly against the sunlight...
"Wha... Did you just say something?"
Axel crossed the room sitting on the edge of Demyx's bed.
"Yeah I said we should leave this room eat something... Maybe get the fuck out of here for the day?"
The blonde boy slowly wiped his eyes.
"That could be fun... Where do you have in mind?"
"I dunno... Anywhere... Its nice outside... Wanna go to the beach or something?"
The blonde teen smiled and stretched.
"Yeah I haven't been to the beach in... Years actually..."
Axel nodded his head thoughtfully.
"Me neither... Is that a yes then?"
Demyx nodded happily.
"Sure. Sounds good... You sure you're up to it?"
The redhead nodded slowly.
"Yeah... I think so."
He wouldn't meet Demyx's gaze but he smiled quickly filling the silence.
"So what we go hang out maybe swim get some ice cream? And which beach?"
Axel almost grimaced at the word swim.
"Uhm... I think we can get a bus to a beach from near here... Might be a little crowded though... Hmmm... I'll just check times..."
With that he sat down at his computer tapping keys for a few moments.
"Right... The next ones at 1... It's eleven thirty... So why don't you get ready to go and I'll head to the shop and pick us up some stuff?"
Demyx shrugged.
"I won't be long... I could come with you."
Axel shook his head grinning almost forcibly.
"Don't worry about me, what do you think I'm gonna do?"
The blonde shrugged.
"Alright... Just let Reno know..."
"I don't think hes here..."
"Okay... Well I'll see you in a few then."
"Kay."
Axel walked slowly down the stairs checking that Reno actually wasn't there.
/Thank God.../
He left the house quietly letting the door close with a click...
His hands shook slightly.
/It's just nerves... You know that Axel... You're not him.../
Slowly he pulled his phone out of his pocket and texting while he walked made his way towards the school.
Demyx walked out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist ruffling his wet hair with the other one he held, curiousity got the better of him and he began opening random boxes and presses around Axel's room.
/I know so little and so much about you... Everything that should have been left until later was revealed early and everything that should've been early days is still a mystery... Then again... I guess it wouldn't feel like it was you if it was any other way... Thats what makes you different.../
His hand ran across a box on one of his shelves and absent mindedly he opened it, inside was a ring and a note.
*I can only hope we'll always be together... If this cannot be the case then keep this as my promise and know I'll always love you... No one will ever replace the love you've shown me. No one will ever replace you, my Axel.*
Demyx felt his stomach contort with jealousy just as that happened the door swung open and there stood Axel, he noticed the ring in Demyx's hand and put the brown bag he was carrying down, took it and the note from him and put them back in their box.
"Did you have a nice shower?"
His voice was momentarily cold and Demyx wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not but answered anyway.
"Uhm... Yeah..."
"Get dressed we'll miss the bus."
Axel excused himself to the bathroom without any further delay.
Demyx shrugged and started to change.
/I wonder what that was all about?/
Axel sat in the bathroom and removed a small bag from his pocket.
/It's just so that coming down isn't so bad... Right? Yeah... Theres nothing wrong with that... Maybe it just took me longer to feel down from it cause it was my first time... I'm not even slightly wanting it. I'm okay. I'm in control here.../
He cut and placed a small line on the back of the toilet and breathing quietly snorted it feeling relieved that finding some was so easy...
/This isn't a forever thing... It's just something to take off the edge... This isn't forever it's just for right now./
Axel checked his nose in the mirror and feeling a little lifted already left the bathroom, Demyx was talking on the phone so he went to pick up the brown bag he'd dropped when he'd first walked in and packed the contents of it into a backpack.
Demyx ended his call and noticed Axel smiling to himself.
"So... Are you ready?"
The redhead nodded happily.
"Yup lets go!"
It wasn't his imagination... Axel was actually smiling...
And he kept smiling...
Right up until they were waiting on the bus.
When he started frowning.
"Stupid buses... They always take forever..."
/Thats a valid enough reason to stop smiling... Everyone hates waiting on buses... I guess.../
He was sighing to himself when Axel started grinning again.
"Awww come on its not that bad. The bus will be here soon."
Demyx giggled slightly.
"Thats not why I was... Never mind..."
Axel smiled, the way Axel used to smile, before everything...
Probably the way he smiled before he knew about him too...
This thought brought him down and he stared at his shoes while they sat on the ground at the bus stop.
Axel noticed noting the look on his face and whispered his name when the blonde turned his head Axel caught Demyx's lips on his own and lifted his hand gently to his face.
Their lips parted together like they knew what the other would do before it happened...
/Why is he doing this... He doesn't want me... Right?/
Demyx's eyes fell closed regardless as Axel's other hand creeped up to his shoulder fingers playing with a stray piece of hair that hung there.
/But I want this.../
He could feel Axel's teeth nibble on his lower lip and tried to relax into it letting his tongue trace over Axels in a slow... Even romantic rhythm.
/Finally.../
His hands were searching over Axel's chest and shoulders, he didn't care if they were at a bus stop in broad daylight he had dreamed of this and he was damn well gonna get the best he could out of it.
Suddenly a bus full of gawking school children passed all of whom were hanging out the windows and screeching at them with glee.
"KISSY KISSY!"
"WOOO WOOO!"
"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!"
Axel started laughing as did Demyx who was secretly cursing the school kids for ruining it.
"WOAH ITS TWO GUYS!"
"WHAT!?"
The girls on the bus rushed to the window wide eyed and giggling to get one last look at them before the bus turned the corner.
Axel laughed and waved to the excited girls.
"Guess they've never seen THAT before eh?"
Demyx shrugged blushing.
"I-I guess not..."
The redhead grinned putting his arm around Demyx's shoulders.
"Embarassed are we?"
His tongue traced the outside of the blonde teens ear making Demyx gasp.
"Now now Demyx settle down, we're in public..."
With that his hand started tracing circles on Demyx's thigh.
/Think of nuns... Think of mom... Think of... Roxas... Eugh.../
Axel knew exactly what he was doing to him and continued until the bus pulled around the corner and stood up with ease putting his hand out to stop the bus.
"Well? You coming or not?"
Demyx stood up slowly trying to stifle what was going on in his head and trousers at that very moment and awkwardly got on the bus throwing his hoody across his lap blushing lightly.
"Whats wrong Demy?"
"Nothing..."
Axel grinned and stared out the window as they left their neighbourhood and started out towards the edge of the city.
"I always enjoy leaving the city... It just feels like breaking out or something..."
Demyx nodded wondering what went on in Axel's head half the time.
/I can do this... I have to do this... I want to get better... I need to get better... For his sake... And for my sake.../
"Come on! I know a good spot around here."
"Are you sure this is safe?"
"Have you never been rock climbing?"
"No and this is pretty fucking high!"
"Gimme your hand, I'll make sure you don't fall."
Axel walked across a few more rocks and pulled Demyx up behind him causing him to stumble on the last rock and trip only to be caught in Axel's arms.
"You okay?"
"Yeah..."
The redhead looked around himself.
"Look around Dem the views pretty amazing."
Demyx lifted his head looking around himself.
They were on the cliffs high above the water on one side the beach could be seen, people walking around in different coloured bathing suits looked almost like ants...
On the other there was nothing but the sea with the sun glittering off its surface, all around them there was lush green grass...
Axel lay down looking at the clouds.
"This is... My getaway I guess you could call it... Me and Ze..."
He paused wincing that he had almost uttered his name but continued anyway acting like nothing had happened.
"Used to come up here and smoke weed, or drink, whatever took our fancy..."
He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes humming to himself then suddenly he opened them and reached to his backpack and pulled out a cigarette.
"It feels like forever since I've had a cigarette."
Demyx shrugged.
"Maybe you should use this as the beginning of quitting?"
Axel stopped with the cigarette between his lips and the lighter about an inch away from it.
"Hmmm... I could... Although right now... Thats doomed to failure... I've got too much on my mind... And well... I'm not exactly in a quitting mood..."
With that said he lit the cigarette and breathed out slowly after the first drag.
"Feels like I haven't smoked in like a month or something..."
Demyx nodded looking out across the sea.
"You look troubled Demy... What's up?"
The blonde took a breath like he was going to talk but he shut his mouth again and didn't say anything.
Axel shrugged and pulled a green glass bottle of cider out of his backpack and took the metal top off with his teeth.
"Drink up... Might loosen up your lips a bit..."
Demyx took the bottle and took a few experimental sips, he smiled.
"It's nice..."
"What were you expecting?"
Demyx shrugged.
"I dunno... I've only ever tried vodka..."
Axel laughed.
"No wonder you don't like alcohol... I've had some bad experiences with vodka..."
He held the cigarette between his lips while he pulled a bottle out of his bag for himself and pulled the top off it with his teeth.
"So Axel... How are you feeling?"
The redhead let his eyes slide shut.
"I'm fine, how're you feeling?"
"Grand..."
"So what was it that you were gonna say?"
Demyx shifted his weight.
"Uhm... Well I was just gonna ask..."
Axel shook his head.
"Okay... I get it..."
"Y-You do?"
"You need to drink until its seems like a good idea to say what you have to say otherwise you won't say it..."
"Uhm... Okay... Do you think its a good idea to drink that much?"
Axel laughed.
"I don't think that'll be that much for you Demyx..."
The blonde nodded.
"I guess you're right..."
One or two beers later...
"I mean he's just such an asshole... I think I'm gonna kick his ass when I go back... I don't care if they kick me out!"
Axel giggled.
"That's enough for you I think!"
He pulled the bottle out of Demyx's hand.
"Hey thats mine!"
"Then take it dude!"
Demyx tried but missed several times.
"That's soooo not fair!"
Axel grabbed his cheeks pulling his face.
"It is faaaaaaaaair cause you're tooooo druuuunkkk!!!"
"Owww Axel thats so mean! I'm soo not talking to youu now."
He sat down and turned his back to Axel pouting.
Axel went up behind him on his knees and rested his head on his shoulder.
"But I thought you wanted to tell me something?"
Demyx breathed in.
"Yeah... Well more ask you something..."
"Shoot."
"Well... I guess I'm just wondering why..."
"Yeah?"
"Why you keep me around... I mean... You'll never like me as much as you like... Love Zexion... And well I just wanted to know... Why..."
Axel went very quiet.
"I mean... I'm staying regardless of what the answer to that question is... I like you too much to leave... I just wondered..."
The redhead sighed out slowly trying to figure out how to explain himself.
"I'm going through a lot right now... Needless to say... You've been here for me... I still feel the same, about him... But I'm also feeling things for you... I don't know what I SHOULD do here... So I guess I'm just going with how I feel..."
Demyx now leaning against Axel took the bottle back from him and downed it in one go.
Axel raised an eyebrow.
"Am I to guess that theres another question?"
Demyx nodded.
"Can I ask one first?"
"Yeah... I guess..."
Axel cleared his throat.
"How long have you liked me for?"
The blonde teen gulped.
"Uhm..."
"Hey I'm answering all of your questions!"
"Okay okay... A few years... Although I never believed... That... Anything... Would um... Come of it..."
Axel seemed to blush slightly and Demyx moved his head quickly from Axel's lap.
"NOT THAT I'M IMPLYING ANYTHING WILL OR HAS ALREADY COME OF IT! I mean it'd be great if it did but... Oh God... I'm just gonna be silent now."
Axel shrugged.
"Last time I checked we kissed today... I dunno what that qualifies as to you... And usually it doesn't qualify as much to me..."
Demyx sighed sadly.
"But today... Well I think possibly thats changed..."
The blonde teen felt his breath catch in his throat in excitement.
"I guess... It will take a while for the past to fade away for me... But... I don't like the thought of not having you here... Near me..."
Axel moved around in front of Demyx and made him look into his eyes.
"So how do you feel about that?"
"I'm... I'm..."
Axel leaned in and kissed him softly.
"Just a yes or a no and I'll know."
Demyx nodded quickly and Axel pulled him close to him smiling.
/I can't believe it... Somehow... I've captured Axel's heart.../
Demyx laid back into Axel's chest and watched the now setting sun when Axel suddenly piped up.
"Wait, didn't you have one more question for me?"
Demyx smiled to himself.
"It doesn't really matter now..."
The redhead laid his head on top of Demyx's and watched the sunset.
First Encounter Chapter 8
It felt like we slept forever...
Well not slept exactly, lay there...
I was on one bed and he was on the other...
He wore this long sleeved t shirt and was curled up like a child who was afraid...
Axel used to look so strong lying there he looked broken.
He looked like maybe he'd never open his eyes again.
Like he'd given up on life not quite that he'd die but that he'd be perfectly okay with lying there until he did.
I just watched his back that was turned to me for hours, hours and hours that felt like days...
Then slowly something took control of my limbs and I moved to the edge of my bed and pushed my feet off to the edge.
I stood up and unsure of myself walked to him, I lay down beside him on my back my shoulder touching his shoulder blade, just to let him know I was there still...
And before I knew what was going on, his head was against my chest and his sobs were echoing through my body and it was all I could do not to kiss him in his awful state...
I wanted to be the one who could make him smile...
The one who could make it better...
I wanted to be the one that could kiss him and make him forget everything.
But I knew that person wasn't me...
So I lay there, in vain hope that maybe my presence would make his pain even a little more bearable...
Demyx awoke early the next morning Axel still laying on his chest...
His ribs hurt a little, but he didn't dare move, this was the first proper sleep Axel had gotten in days...
Demyx wasn't about to take that away from him, so he took his hand and stroked the red spikes that were tickling his chin with every breath either of them took.
He thought he could possibly live this way...
If Axel never woke up he would be happy to hold him like this forever, but like all things, his slumber came to an end, his acid green eyes blinked open and for a moment Demyx thought he saw the old Axel in there, but when his eyes opened it was too late, the pain had already kicked in like a drug to keep him down.
The blonde teen knew that being down too wouldn't help...
So he smiled and tried to make it look as natural as possible.
"Morning Axel."
The redhead nodded and rolled off Demyx's chest and stretched a little then wiped his eyes.
"Morning..."
Demyx stopped smiling.
"How are you feeling?"
Axel shrugged.
"Pretty shitty... I think I'm still kinda half asleep and it hasn't quite kicked in yet... Give it a few minutes and the misery will kick in again..."
He looked over at Demyx and laughed a tiny bit.
/Did he just laugh?/
Axel raised an eyebrow sleepily and stretched some more.
"Oh come on... I'm trying to make light of the situation here, trying to make it seem like nothing. Indulge me for fuck sake!"
Demxy couldn't help but laugh a tiny bit, despite the fact that he was emotionally screwed he was still able to laugh about it.
"Well... Do you fancy doing something today? Or... I dunno... What do you want to do today?"
Axel shrugged.
"I dunno..."
He spotted a picture of Zexion and himself on a shelf and slowly reached past Demyx to make their smiling faces watch the black wooden shelf.
"Ugh... Maybe we should spend the day clearing my room of all these reminders..."
His face changed to sadness again and he laughed slightly.
"See? I told you the misery would come back..."
Axel sank to the floor tears running down his face.
"This is why I hate making picture perfect memories with people... They're painful enough to think about... But when you actually have them there in your hand looking at you... You can't convince yourself it never existed... Because it did and thats the proof."
Demyx sat down beside him and put his arms around his neck pulling him to himself to comfort him, but at the last second Axel turned his head and kissed Demyx softly on the lips, he looked Demyx in the eyes for a moment then he stood up and started taking the pictures down off his shelves like nothing had just happened.
The blonde boy was gobsmacked but stood up and started taking pictures down too...
Axel would stop now and then and take a long look at a picture, or touch the glass, tears were streaming down his cheeks as he put them into a box...
The redhead was taking a good long look at one picture when Demyx tapped him lightly on the shoulder.
"So what do you want to do with these throw em out? Put em away?"
Axel shook his head.
"I could never throw these pictures away... Like it or not, he'll always be a part of me... Hes been a huge part of my life for years now... Thats why I think coming to terms with him not being around is gonna be so hard..."
"Well... How do you think he feels about this... Surely this can't be easy on him either?"
The redhead shook his head.
"Zexion's always been alone... Hes been dependent on no one for a long long time..."
Demyx thought for a moment.
"What about you? Or Marl..."
Axel shot him a look that made him stop dead in his tracks.
"No one... Not for a long time..."
"What about his parents? Does he have any brothers or sisters?"
"His parents only had him and they're never there... Haven't been since he was... Maybe eleven... They phase in and out... But he hates them. I'm the only real stability he's ever had."
Demyx wondered if he should ask questions or keep his mouth shut Axel seemingly reading his mind answered his question.
"Marluxia came into the picture when we were together about a year... We were at this party having a few drinks... Cocky bastard thought he could have anyone at that party and he approched us, I told him where to go. I thought that was that... Then Zexion disappeared for a while and came back all giggly... I thought he was just drunk... Didn't think anything of it, brought him home... He told me that he'd had a line of coke I went pretty crazy... But he convinced me that he'd never touch it again and I believed him..."
He went very silent after that, reflective...
"Then he was disappearing late at night... I didn't think much of it at first... He kept coming home in that same giggly stupid state... I convinced myself it was nothing... I stayed up one night and waited on him to come back he came in at 5 am, he was giggly and stupid and puked a few times... He was so out of it he didn't think I'd noticed how out of it he was."
He threw the picture he'd been holding into the box.
"I demanded to know who was supplying him and pleaded with him to stop doing it... But anytime I mentioned it he just got angry... And occasionally violent... Which is something he wasn't before he started taking that shit... Hes been in and out of rehab 4 times... Gotten clean, come back to me and then left the house late at night to get more... Everytime he promised it'd be different... It never was..."
Axel sighed deeply stifling a sob.
"He got into debt with Marluxia... Who made him an offer which seemed to solve all his problems, he said the debt would be dropped if he slept with him... Zexion did, then told me. I went crazy, I wanted to kill Marluxia... But Zexion promised he'd stop taking it now and that was it. He was never doing it again... But before long his cravings got the better of him... He was out of money but needed some to stop himself coming down so fast, he needed to stop slowly he'd said... So that he wouldn't notice and therefore wouldn't miss it, he said Marluxia would give it to him and let him off until he had the cash... But when he arrived home there were bruises all over his hips his neck and his shoulders and he was out of it again..."
The redhead paused...
"I guess you could say we attracted each other because of our situations... Both pretty hopeless cases... Both orphans you could say..."
He looked thoughtfully into space for a time then continued to place things into the box, he seemed calmer, like he'd just dropped a suitcase full of bricks to its destination and was walking away from it enjoying his new found lightness.
Demyx was trying to get around what he'd just been told when Axel walked towards the bathroom.
"I'll be out in a sec..."
He went in and sat down on the toilet lid taking the razor from where he'd left it on the sink.
/What did I ever do to you that was so bad? Was I not always good to you? You never fucking loved me... It was all lies.../
Slowly he pulled the blade up his arm gritting his teeth against the pain.
"Fuck fuck fuck..."
The words escaped his mouth in small gasps of breath, he dropped the blade to the ground and dizzily enjoying the adrenaline rush grinned and let himself fall back against the back of the toilet.
His breathing was heavy.
"Axel? Axel?"
"Y-yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah... I'm fine... I'll just be a second..."
"Alrighty... Just wanted to know where you want me to put this stuff..."
"Uhm... Just dump it into the bottom of the closet..."
He was feeling a little dizzy and blood was dripping down his hand he quickly washed his arm off looking at his reflection with disgust.
/When did you become so weak?/
He opened the door and walked out of the bathroom.
Demyx looked up.
"Okay they're all in the closet like you wanted..."
The blonde stared at the redheads hand for a moment and Axel quickly crossed his arms then he noticed the blood dripping down his sleeve and quickly turned back towards the bathroom.
"Axel..."
He stopped momentarily half wanting to explain but his pride and secret shame wouldn't allow him to, so he went into the bathroom and locked the door, pulling open the medicine cabinet he found clean white bandages, he bandaged his arm up tightly to stop the bloodflow and after a few minutes of deciding what to do next opened the bathroom door and without even looking at Demyx turned on the playstation and threw him a controller, his eyes stared blankly at the screen...
Demyx placed the controller on the bed and sat beside Axel and spoke softly.
"Maybe you can't explain this to me right now... I know I'm not Zexion... I know I'll never replace him... Perhaps no one ever will... But I hope one day you'll at least learn to trust me..."
With that he picked up the controller and started to play the computer with Axel...
Who despite staring at the screen was taking in a lot more than he was letting on...
/Why does Demyx even care... It makes no sense that he does... He doesn't even know me.../
He could see Demyx reflected in the tv screen, innocent...
/I don't think he knows what hes getting himself in for.../
Demyx looked over in his direction wide eyed and curious.
/If only I knew what you were feeling... Thinking... And if only I had the guts to tell you what I am too.../
Both sat in silence for the rest of the night the only noise filling the room was the tapping of buttons and an occasional yawn...
They stayed that way until Axel realised Demyx had fallen asleep, he shook his head smiling despite himself and picking him up put him gently onto his bed and crawled on behind him wrapping his arms around the blonde teen.
"Thanks for being here Demyx... I dunno how I'd deal without you... Night..."
He pulled Demyx close to his chest and fell asleep safe in the knowledge that even if Zexion didn't really care about him...
Maybe just maybe he'd found someone who did...
Well not slept exactly, lay there...
I was on one bed and he was on the other...
He wore this long sleeved t shirt and was curled up like a child who was afraid...
Axel used to look so strong lying there he looked broken.
He looked like maybe he'd never open his eyes again.
Like he'd given up on life not quite that he'd die but that he'd be perfectly okay with lying there until he did.
I just watched his back that was turned to me for hours, hours and hours that felt like days...
Then slowly something took control of my limbs and I moved to the edge of my bed and pushed my feet off to the edge.
I stood up and unsure of myself walked to him, I lay down beside him on my back my shoulder touching his shoulder blade, just to let him know I was there still...
And before I knew what was going on, his head was against my chest and his sobs were echoing through my body and it was all I could do not to kiss him in his awful state...
I wanted to be the one who could make him smile...
The one who could make it better...
I wanted to be the one that could kiss him and make him forget everything.
But I knew that person wasn't me...
So I lay there, in vain hope that maybe my presence would make his pain even a little more bearable...
Demyx awoke early the next morning Axel still laying on his chest...
His ribs hurt a little, but he didn't dare move, this was the first proper sleep Axel had gotten in days...
Demyx wasn't about to take that away from him, so he took his hand and stroked the red spikes that were tickling his chin with every breath either of them took.
He thought he could possibly live this way...
If Axel never woke up he would be happy to hold him like this forever, but like all things, his slumber came to an end, his acid green eyes blinked open and for a moment Demyx thought he saw the old Axel in there, but when his eyes opened it was too late, the pain had already kicked in like a drug to keep him down.
The blonde teen knew that being down too wouldn't help...
So he smiled and tried to make it look as natural as possible.
"Morning Axel."
The redhead nodded and rolled off Demyx's chest and stretched a little then wiped his eyes.
"Morning..."
Demyx stopped smiling.
"How are you feeling?"
Axel shrugged.
"Pretty shitty... I think I'm still kinda half asleep and it hasn't quite kicked in yet... Give it a few minutes and the misery will kick in again..."
He looked over at Demyx and laughed a tiny bit.
/Did he just laugh?/
Axel raised an eyebrow sleepily and stretched some more.
"Oh come on... I'm trying to make light of the situation here, trying to make it seem like nothing. Indulge me for fuck sake!"
Demxy couldn't help but laugh a tiny bit, despite the fact that he was emotionally screwed he was still able to laugh about it.
"Well... Do you fancy doing something today? Or... I dunno... What do you want to do today?"
Axel shrugged.
"I dunno..."
He spotted a picture of Zexion and himself on a shelf and slowly reached past Demyx to make their smiling faces watch the black wooden shelf.
"Ugh... Maybe we should spend the day clearing my room of all these reminders..."
His face changed to sadness again and he laughed slightly.
"See? I told you the misery would come back..."
Axel sank to the floor tears running down his face.
"This is why I hate making picture perfect memories with people... They're painful enough to think about... But when you actually have them there in your hand looking at you... You can't convince yourself it never existed... Because it did and thats the proof."
Demyx sat down beside him and put his arms around his neck pulling him to himself to comfort him, but at the last second Axel turned his head and kissed Demyx softly on the lips, he looked Demyx in the eyes for a moment then he stood up and started taking the pictures down off his shelves like nothing had just happened.
The blonde boy was gobsmacked but stood up and started taking pictures down too...
Axel would stop now and then and take a long look at a picture, or touch the glass, tears were streaming down his cheeks as he put them into a box...
The redhead was taking a good long look at one picture when Demyx tapped him lightly on the shoulder.
"So what do you want to do with these throw em out? Put em away?"
Axel shook his head.
"I could never throw these pictures away... Like it or not, he'll always be a part of me... Hes been a huge part of my life for years now... Thats why I think coming to terms with him not being around is gonna be so hard..."
"Well... How do you think he feels about this... Surely this can't be easy on him either?"
The redhead shook his head.
"Zexion's always been alone... Hes been dependent on no one for a long long time..."
Demyx thought for a moment.
"What about you? Or Marl..."
Axel shot him a look that made him stop dead in his tracks.
"No one... Not for a long time..."
"What about his parents? Does he have any brothers or sisters?"
"His parents only had him and they're never there... Haven't been since he was... Maybe eleven... They phase in and out... But he hates them. I'm the only real stability he's ever had."
Demyx wondered if he should ask questions or keep his mouth shut Axel seemingly reading his mind answered his question.
"Marluxia came into the picture when we were together about a year... We were at this party having a few drinks... Cocky bastard thought he could have anyone at that party and he approched us, I told him where to go. I thought that was that... Then Zexion disappeared for a while and came back all giggly... I thought he was just drunk... Didn't think anything of it, brought him home... He told me that he'd had a line of coke I went pretty crazy... But he convinced me that he'd never touch it again and I believed him..."
He went very silent after that, reflective...
"Then he was disappearing late at night... I didn't think much of it at first... He kept coming home in that same giggly stupid state... I convinced myself it was nothing... I stayed up one night and waited on him to come back he came in at 5 am, he was giggly and stupid and puked a few times... He was so out of it he didn't think I'd noticed how out of it he was."
He threw the picture he'd been holding into the box.
"I demanded to know who was supplying him and pleaded with him to stop doing it... But anytime I mentioned it he just got angry... And occasionally violent... Which is something he wasn't before he started taking that shit... Hes been in and out of rehab 4 times... Gotten clean, come back to me and then left the house late at night to get more... Everytime he promised it'd be different... It never was..."
Axel sighed deeply stifling a sob.
"He got into debt with Marluxia... Who made him an offer which seemed to solve all his problems, he said the debt would be dropped if he slept with him... Zexion did, then told me. I went crazy, I wanted to kill Marluxia... But Zexion promised he'd stop taking it now and that was it. He was never doing it again... But before long his cravings got the better of him... He was out of money but needed some to stop himself coming down so fast, he needed to stop slowly he'd said... So that he wouldn't notice and therefore wouldn't miss it, he said Marluxia would give it to him and let him off until he had the cash... But when he arrived home there were bruises all over his hips his neck and his shoulders and he was out of it again..."
The redhead paused...
"I guess you could say we attracted each other because of our situations... Both pretty hopeless cases... Both orphans you could say..."
He looked thoughtfully into space for a time then continued to place things into the box, he seemed calmer, like he'd just dropped a suitcase full of bricks to its destination and was walking away from it enjoying his new found lightness.
Demyx was trying to get around what he'd just been told when Axel walked towards the bathroom.
"I'll be out in a sec..."
He went in and sat down on the toilet lid taking the razor from where he'd left it on the sink.
/What did I ever do to you that was so bad? Was I not always good to you? You never fucking loved me... It was all lies.../
Slowly he pulled the blade up his arm gritting his teeth against the pain.
"Fuck fuck fuck..."
The words escaped his mouth in small gasps of breath, he dropped the blade to the ground and dizzily enjoying the adrenaline rush grinned and let himself fall back against the back of the toilet.
His breathing was heavy.
"Axel? Axel?"
"Y-yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah... I'm fine... I'll just be a second..."
"Alrighty... Just wanted to know where you want me to put this stuff..."
"Uhm... Just dump it into the bottom of the closet..."
He was feeling a little dizzy and blood was dripping down his hand he quickly washed his arm off looking at his reflection with disgust.
/When did you become so weak?/
He opened the door and walked out of the bathroom.
Demyx looked up.
"Okay they're all in the closet like you wanted..."
The blonde stared at the redheads hand for a moment and Axel quickly crossed his arms then he noticed the blood dripping down his sleeve and quickly turned back towards the bathroom.
"Axel..."
He stopped momentarily half wanting to explain but his pride and secret shame wouldn't allow him to, so he went into the bathroom and locked the door, pulling open the medicine cabinet he found clean white bandages, he bandaged his arm up tightly to stop the bloodflow and after a few minutes of deciding what to do next opened the bathroom door and without even looking at Demyx turned on the playstation and threw him a controller, his eyes stared blankly at the screen...
Demyx placed the controller on the bed and sat beside Axel and spoke softly.
"Maybe you can't explain this to me right now... I know I'm not Zexion... I know I'll never replace him... Perhaps no one ever will... But I hope one day you'll at least learn to trust me..."
With that he picked up the controller and started to play the computer with Axel...
Who despite staring at the screen was taking in a lot more than he was letting on...
/Why does Demyx even care... It makes no sense that he does... He doesn't even know me.../
He could see Demyx reflected in the tv screen, innocent...
/I don't think he knows what hes getting himself in for.../
Demyx looked over in his direction wide eyed and curious.
/If only I knew what you were feeling... Thinking... And if only I had the guts to tell you what I am too.../
Both sat in silence for the rest of the night the only noise filling the room was the tapping of buttons and an occasional yawn...
They stayed that way until Axel realised Demyx had fallen asleep, he shook his head smiling despite himself and picking him up put him gently onto his bed and crawled on behind him wrapping his arms around the blonde teen.
"Thanks for being here Demyx... I dunno how I'd deal without you... Night..."
He pulled Demyx close to his chest and fell asleep safe in the knowledge that even if Zexion didn't really care about him...
Maybe just maybe he'd found someone who did...
First Encounter Chapter 7
Zexion left the hospital with the fifty in his pocket feeling desperate and relieved all at once...
/What the fuck have I done? I just stole money from my comatosed boyfriend and all I can think of is that I have no fucking coke... It's my fault hes like that.../
But his steps kept firm against the pavement moving away, ha wasn't sure where to go to get it, Marluxia had always supplied it to him.
So he just walked and hoped it would come to him soon before he lost it completely...
His head was rushing with thoughts.
/Go back and see Axel... He needs you right now... But you need to get that fix and soon or else you'll be screwed.../
Withdrawl symptoms were beginning to kick in and he didn't want to face that while Axel was in this state he just needed to get a fix and he'd go back and stay there...
Feeling a little dizzy he pulled his phone out of his pocket...
/I know I shouldn't... But.../
Without another thought he dialled his number and hit the green call button.
He leaned against a wall finding it rather hard to stay upright...
It felt like an eternity before his familiar voice answered.
"Hello?"
Zexion sighed into the phone.
"Hi Marly its me... I'm.. I'm in a bad way... Could you possibly help me out?"
Footsteps echoed from the other end of the phone as though he was walking up some stairs then he heard his voice in a harsh whisper.
"What did I tell you about calling me when you know I'm away?"
"I-I know but I need..."
"I told you not to call me when I'm here."
"I-I'm sorry just s-something happened and I need..."
"I don't care what you need."
The phone went dead in his hand and that was it he let himself slide down the wall and felt himself hit the ground.
/Axel's in hospital, Marluxia's abandoned me... And all I can think about is that Axel wasted the last of my shit... I'm a terrible person... And theres nothing I can do to fix any of it.../
Demyx lay for days watching Axel's chest slowly rise and fall, he looked so frail and he could see his heart beating in his chest...
He believed that if that small movement stopped, he might just die too...
For five nights and four days he watched him slept near him and worried about him...
But like he had promised he would be there until the end...
The end for him came on the fifth night when he heard Axel talk from what he thought was his dreams...
Or perhaps his worst nightmare...
"Where are you? Please... Come back... Why are you doing this? It's not that big a deal... Come on... We've been through this... You know thats not true... Please..."
Demyx lay awake with his head on the hospital bed half awake but making himself appear asleep...
"No... Don't... Come on... Why can't you? But... Don't I get a say in this? You could at least have come up and said it to my face... Because you're supposed to love me like I... Love you... Doesn't that mean anything to you? If you did you'd be here and you'd stop saying that! But... We've been through so much... And you're just going to him... Don't lie to me... Yeah well prove it... Well then I'm wasting my time and I'm sorry for wasting so much of yours... I hope you and Marly have a wonderful fucking life together... Yeah well I regret the day I ever met you! You fucking coke fiend! Fuck you! Don't ever talk to me again!"
Axel threw the phone onto the bed and held his head in his hands sobbing uncontrollably, then he was suddenly silent, he pulled his jeans on, pulled his t shirt over his head pushed his hair back inside his hood and walked straight out of the room.
Demyx not really thinking straight followed him...
No one seemed to notice as he walked down the halls of the place despite the tattoos under his eyes and the odd random spikes that made his hood a funny shape...
For some reason even as he walked out no one batted an eyelid...
All he could do was watch as Axel followed the paths and roads away towards a house he knew all too well...
/Marluxia.../
He followed his slow footsteps right past Marluxia's big driveway only to stop at another house about ten minutes up the road...
Axel stood outside this house looking at the front door seemingly wondering what to do next...
But his thought was inadvertently answered when the front door clicked open to reveal Zexion standing there with a suitcase.
The redhead was so determined and angry he hadn't even see Demyx standing close by.
"So not even a goodbye huh? you were just gonna leave?"
The sound of pain in his voice was clear.
"Zexion... Why are you doing this?"
Zexion looked to the ground.
"I told you why already... I never want this to happen again..."
Axel approached him enraged.
"So thats it, I do something stupid and you run for it? If I did that everytime you did something that hurt or fucked me up I'd be gone a million times over!"
"Axel... It's not like that..."
"So I do one dumb thing and thats it? How the fuck can you justify this?"
"I can't explain it any better than I already have... This doesn't mean I don't..."
The redheads eyes tightened with anger.
"What? Love me? Is that what you're gonna say? You're full of shit Zexion you know that? You're going off because of Marluxia! You said that now don't fucking deny it!"
Zexion snapped and threw the suitcase to the side.
"Axel I'm doing this to get away from Marluxia! To get away from the fucking drugs before something even worse happens, you could have fucking died back there! It would have been my fault! I can't be responsible for that I wouldn't be able to live with myself!"
He laid one of his hands on Axel's cheek.
"You believe me right?"
Axel took in a shaky breath.
"Why the fuck would I believe you? All you ever do is lie... About Marluxia about the drugs and now about this..."
Tears started to roll freely down his face.
"What reason would I have to believe you?"
A taxi pulled up at the end of the garden and beeped its horn.
"Well if thats how I've made you feel all this time... Maybe its better for both of us that I'm leaving you behind... I love you Axel."
For a brief moment Zexion's kiss silenced Axel's sobs, then he picked up his suitcase from where he'd pushed it onto the grass and after loading it into the back of the taxi waved to Axel through the glass and within a second the car started moving away.
The redhead was on his knees in the grass, tears streaming down his face with one hand raised in a silent goodbye.
He stayed that way until the taxi was out of sight then let it fall back down to his side.
Demyx decided perhaps this was the right time to emerge from behind the bush he'd been hiding in...
"A-Axel?"
He didn't respond to his name and his eyes didn't move from the spot from where the taxi had disappeared...
"Axel?"
Silence ensued but slowly he got to his feet and taking very slow footsteps left the garden.
Demyx followed.
"We should probably get you back to the hospital..."
Still he didn't respond.
But let Demyx lead the way none the less.
A taxi was driving slowly towards them, so Demyx put his hand out to hail it.
It slowed down and stopped in front of them, Demyx bundled Axel into the back of the taxi and got in after him looking across the seat and then telling the taxi driver with a sigh where they needed to go.
/Hes always been here... Now hes just... Gone... How am I supposed to deal with this? What did I do to drive him away like this?/
Demyx kept looking over at Axel.
But Axel was absorbed in his thoughts watching cars whizz by the window tears were running down his cheeks.
/Where are you going Zexion? Will you cope alright alone?/
The blonde teen stared at the back of Axel's head he wanted to reach out...
To touch, to understand, even to heal if he could...
Just as his hand reached over to cover Axel's hand the taxi halted outside the hospital.
"That'll be 12.80 please."
Demyx snapped back into reality and handed the money over before sliding out of the door and running out into the rain to open Axel's door.
"Do you want my hoody?"
The redhead simply stepped out into the rain and started to walk towards the doors of the hospital.
Rain soaked his hair and washed the tears off his face, but right now it didn't look like he cared...
/Zexion... Why did you do this to me...?/
Demyx followed him into the hospital, his hair was flat and his face and clothes were wet...
He looked like he had been awake every night for about a month, hospital staff were freaking out and asking lots of questions about where he had been and why he had left but his facial expression remained the same and he walked by them like they wern't there...
The blonde teen ran up behind him.
"A-Axel? Won't you talk to them? They... They just want to help you..."
His walk didn't slow his expression didn't change he just approached the stairs and started walking up them.
"Axel..."
He felt hopeless as he watched Axel walk away and was then bombarded by questions from one of the nurses who was working on the floor where Axel's room was.
/I don't know what to do here... He's gone... He needed to get rid of me to get better... What did I do to him that made him so... Bad? Was I the reason he started taking it? And if I was is there any way I can make this better?/
He picked up his phone looking for Zexions number...
But it wasn't there...
At this stage however he knew it off by heart and dialled it into his phone...
Silence and then...
"Hey this is Zexion..."
"SEXY ZEXY!"
"Axel shut up! God... Anyways leave a message after the beep..."
The phone beeped in his ear.
"Zexion this is Axel... I don't know what to say or what to do... Only that I want to talk to you and get this cleared up. I think its great that you want to get clean and I support you one hundred per cent. I want... Need to know where you are, I really miss you... And I always thought you were dependent on me... I had it so wrong... I need and want you here... I love you. Please call me when you get this."
After half an hour or so, after pacing back and forth in his wet clothes endless times he picked up his phone again and dialled the number.
Once again silence...
"Hey Axel."
"Zexion I..."
"It's Zexion, I got your message. I'm sorry this is causing you pain... But this is something I need to do alone. Because of you I found love... But my life was flying off the rails, we were killing each other and I was putting you through hell, it wasn't good for either of us. So I've changed my phone number and emptied my phonebook... Chances are you won't hear from me again after this. Don't assume its because I don't care... I always have and always will love you. Believe me giving you up is going to be as hard if not harder than giving up the coke... Be strong... For me. I love you Axel."
The phone beeped dead in Axel's ear and he dropped it to the tiled floor.
/That's it... It's over.../
He lay back on his bed still in his wet clothes, tears running down his cheeks, his mind was rushing and completely blank all at once...
/Thats it.../
When Demyx and the nurse checked in on him later he appeared to be asleep.
Demyx took his place dutifully beside the bed, he was feeling low and worried and rejected...
But somehow he couldn't leave his bedside.
He thought if he left it might be the thing that pushes him over the edge...
So he sat watching Axel breathe, he felt he wasn't needed to an extent and that he couldn't fill the gap in Axel's life that was Zexion.
/What if I'm just wasting my time... What if I'm just being a doormat... I should just leave and let his brother look after him./
Demyx stood up suddenly and made for the door but went back to the bed to pull the blankets up over Axel.
/He's soaking... What the hell was he thinking?/
Demyx shook Axel violently to try wake him up... But his eyes were open.
"Axel... Why are you lying there in wet clothes? You'll catch your death..."
The redhead just looked at Demyx.
"What do you care...? You're leaving too."
The blonde teen shook his head.
"I'd never leave... I'm just feeling... Useless... I don't know what I can do to make the situation better..."
Axel sat up on the bed.
"So stop trying to make it better and accept that some situations are just shit..."
Demyx nodded.
"Okay so its a shitty situation... Now what...?"
The redhead took a deep breath...
"Well I'm sick of staying in here I know they want to keep an eye on me, but fuck it... I'm bailing."
"What? You can't leave Axel... They need to make sure theres no permanent damage from what you did..."
Axel shrugged.
"Okay well then you can stay here and explain why I'm gone cause I'm not staying..."
Demyx put his fingers to his temples.
"Axel come on... Thats not fair... I'm just trying to look out for you here..."
"Yeah well... You coming or not?"
The blonde shook his head back and forth several times then looked into Axel's acid green eyes...
He was clearly going to enjoy this hospital breakout, there was a sparkle in his eyes and what Demyx thought was a slight smirk on his lips.
"Fine..."
Yup that was definitely a smirk on his lips.
"Right check the corridor... Uhm... Find a... Fire exit! Yeah! That'll set all of the alarms off and then we can get away with the crowd..."
He knew all was not well in Axel's head right now, but if this is what it took to make him smile...
So be it.
He walked out into the corridor and spotted a drinks machine and walked up to it checking out the corridor.
White white white...
It was almost making him feel sick...
Then he spotted it, the bright green fire exit sign, it seemed miles away but he got a drink from the dispenser and walked back into the room.
Axel was sitting in the corner face buried in his knees sobbing loudly, Demyx sat down beside him in the darkened room and wrapped his arm around Axel's shoulders.
"I thought you wanted to bust out of here... And set off all the fire alarms?"
"I just don't get it... What made him leave...? Was I stopping him from getting better? Was it my fault?"
"Well... I can't say for sure but maybe he just needs a new start altogether... Like maybe he'll come back when he's better..."
Axel smirked a little.
"It's funny..."
"What is?"
"Well I was at these crossroads a little while ago... And... Actually... Forget it."
"No I want to hear about this."
"Sorry I can't remember what I was going to say..."
As quick as his mood had picked up it was right back down again.
"Maybe I'll just call Reno and have him check me out of here..."
Demyx nodded wondering what he was going to say...
The redhead picked his phone up off the floor flipped it open and dialled Reno's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey Reno..."
"Bro you're awake! That's great! I'm gonna fucking kill you when I get my hands on you!?! What the fuck were you thinking!?"
"Me and Zexion had a fight..."
"And so you nearly fucking kill yourself? Thats very clever Axel... Remind me to pull that one when I next have an argument with my girlfriend."
Axel sighed.
"Reno you don't have a girlfriend..."
"Oh... Yeah... Wait stop changing the subject! You're in trouble!"
"Yeah great can you please come and get me out of here its giving me the creeps..."
Reno breathed heavily down the phone.
"I really don't know if I should... You sound like you might be better off spending a few days there Axel..."
Axel was trying to hold back tears.
"Zexion and me broke up..."
"That happens like three times a week bro so thats not gonna change my mind..."
"No... I mean... H-He's packed his bags and he's gone... He's changed his number... He's not coming back..."
There was a dead silence from the other end of the phone.
"He's actually gone? You guys are for real this time? Woah... Dude give me like ten minutes and I'll get you out of there."
"Thanks..."
Ten minutes later Reno sped into the car park and told the receptionist he wanted to check his brother out of the place and bring him home.
"Whos your brother sir?"
"Axel."
"He tried to leave the hospital the other night for reasons his friend wouldn't explain... We feel that he should stay in for at the very least a few more days..."
"Listen lady, I know my brother... I know what he's like and I know he'll be better off at home so I'm taking him out of here with or without your help."
The receptionist gulped nodded and sent someone up to get Axel straight away.
Reno paid the receptionist and led Axel and Demyx out to the carpark.
They were standing next to Reno's car and Demyx made to walk away.
"Do you want a ride home or something?"
Axel was staring at his shoes.
"You could stay you know...?"
This is what Demyx had dreamed of Axel saying from day one...
But of his own accord, not because he was feeling a loss...
Or needed the use of a doormat.
Demyx knew in his head that it was selfish to think this way and that he should take his offer up only because he wanted to make him feel better...
And not just want to feel him up...
He was silent with a head full of possibilities but before any awkward silence emerged he nodded his head.
Reno nodded too.
"Yeah seems like a good idea... He can keep an eye on you when I can't."
Axel still looked dazed and upset.
"Yeah... Sounds good..."
Demyx hated himself for thinking anything romantic could possibly come of this...
And randomly mentally abused himself when he thought about what Axel would look like in his underwear.
/He's just out of hospital and out of a relationship you sick sick inconsiderate prick!/
Axel randomly leaned towards him while Reno was speeding towards their house and whispered.
"Thanks for staying with me..."
Before laying his head on Demyx's shoulder.
/Think of anything... Just not that this means anything.../
A few moments later Reno pulled into a driveway and Axel sat up and took his seatbelt off, Demyx followed suite trying not to look too disappointed that the car ride ended a little too early for his liking.
Reno unlocked the door and let them both walk in before he did, Axel headed straight for the stairs.
"Arn't you gonna tell me what happened with you and Zexion?"
Axel shook his head.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now... I think I'm just gonna go to bed..."
Reno nodded.
"Okay well call me if you want anything ok?"
"Sure... Thanks..."
Demyx followed Axel up the stairs silently.
The redhead took a left in front of one door and opened up another one the door opened onto a dark red room...
Everything painted with black and red and flames he took his hoody off and kicked his shoes onto the floor.
"I'm gonna take a shower... You make yourself comfortable... Playstations all set up if you wanna play..."
He then opened a door Demyx thought was a closet and walked inside...
The shower turned on and he could hear water splashing.
/In there Axel is naked and heartbroken and fucked up and all you can concentrate on is the fact that he's naked and naked... I wonder does that door have a keyhole? Oh my fucking God! I can't perv on him! He's relying on me to be here for him! Control yourself!/
Demyx pinched himself on the thigh.
"Owww!"
/Now calm down. Fucking hell.../
Axel's hands were in front of him against the tiled wall warm water was running over his skin making him feel comfortable.
Currently nothing made sense...
Thinking of Zexion now caused him intense pain while any thought of him before brought a smile to his face and yet he wanted to think of him...
And he was glad that Zexion was sorting his life out, but distraught that he had decided it was to be without him.
Everything they had was now gone, all the pictures he had of them together he wanted to both treasure and burn...
/I gave you everything I had... Everything... I was innocent before I met you you prick and now you just leave!?!/
He picked up a razor on one of the stands in the shower and gripping it hard let it take all his pain and fury out on someone that didn't feel like him anymore...
Breathing heavily he looked at the damage inflicted and extended his arms under the shower letting the sting of water on his open wounds prolong the effect.
Momentarily everything was both blurrier and clearer he laughed a little bit before the pain stopped.
He turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.
/I promised him I'd never do it again... But whats a promise to him now...?/
He started to dry himself off...
There was a long sleeved black t shirt lying on the ground which he picked up off the floor and pulled over his wet hair, he dried off the rest of himself and dressed again.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
/No wonder he left you... You look like crap... And look what you've just done to yourself.../
He pulled his fist back to punch the mirror when a small knock at the door distracted him.
"Uhm... Axel? Are you okay?"
The redhead sighed and unlocked the door.
"Yeah... I'm fine."
/What they don't know won't hurt them... If I keep it hidden... They don't need to know./
Demyx smiled to himself.
/Axel looks better now... Maybe he'll be okay after all.../
/What the fuck have I done? I just stole money from my comatosed boyfriend and all I can think of is that I have no fucking coke... It's my fault hes like that.../
But his steps kept firm against the pavement moving away, ha wasn't sure where to go to get it, Marluxia had always supplied it to him.
So he just walked and hoped it would come to him soon before he lost it completely...
His head was rushing with thoughts.
/Go back and see Axel... He needs you right now... But you need to get that fix and soon or else you'll be screwed.../
Withdrawl symptoms were beginning to kick in and he didn't want to face that while Axel was in this state he just needed to get a fix and he'd go back and stay there...
Feeling a little dizzy he pulled his phone out of his pocket...
/I know I shouldn't... But.../
Without another thought he dialled his number and hit the green call button.
He leaned against a wall finding it rather hard to stay upright...
It felt like an eternity before his familiar voice answered.
"Hello?"
Zexion sighed into the phone.
"Hi Marly its me... I'm.. I'm in a bad way... Could you possibly help me out?"
Footsteps echoed from the other end of the phone as though he was walking up some stairs then he heard his voice in a harsh whisper.
"What did I tell you about calling me when you know I'm away?"
"I-I know but I need..."
"I told you not to call me when I'm here."
"I-I'm sorry just s-something happened and I need..."
"I don't care what you need."
The phone went dead in his hand and that was it he let himself slide down the wall and felt himself hit the ground.
/Axel's in hospital, Marluxia's abandoned me... And all I can think about is that Axel wasted the last of my shit... I'm a terrible person... And theres nothing I can do to fix any of it.../
Demyx lay for days watching Axel's chest slowly rise and fall, he looked so frail and he could see his heart beating in his chest...
He believed that if that small movement stopped, he might just die too...
For five nights and four days he watched him slept near him and worried about him...
But like he had promised he would be there until the end...
The end for him came on the fifth night when he heard Axel talk from what he thought was his dreams...
Or perhaps his worst nightmare...
"Where are you? Please... Come back... Why are you doing this? It's not that big a deal... Come on... We've been through this... You know thats not true... Please..."
Demyx lay awake with his head on the hospital bed half awake but making himself appear asleep...
"No... Don't... Come on... Why can't you? But... Don't I get a say in this? You could at least have come up and said it to my face... Because you're supposed to love me like I... Love you... Doesn't that mean anything to you? If you did you'd be here and you'd stop saying that! But... We've been through so much... And you're just going to him... Don't lie to me... Yeah well prove it... Well then I'm wasting my time and I'm sorry for wasting so much of yours... I hope you and Marly have a wonderful fucking life together... Yeah well I regret the day I ever met you! You fucking coke fiend! Fuck you! Don't ever talk to me again!"
Axel threw the phone onto the bed and held his head in his hands sobbing uncontrollably, then he was suddenly silent, he pulled his jeans on, pulled his t shirt over his head pushed his hair back inside his hood and walked straight out of the room.
Demyx not really thinking straight followed him...
No one seemed to notice as he walked down the halls of the place despite the tattoos under his eyes and the odd random spikes that made his hood a funny shape...
For some reason even as he walked out no one batted an eyelid...
All he could do was watch as Axel followed the paths and roads away towards a house he knew all too well...
/Marluxia.../
He followed his slow footsteps right past Marluxia's big driveway only to stop at another house about ten minutes up the road...
Axel stood outside this house looking at the front door seemingly wondering what to do next...
But his thought was inadvertently answered when the front door clicked open to reveal Zexion standing there with a suitcase.
The redhead was so determined and angry he hadn't even see Demyx standing close by.
"So not even a goodbye huh? you were just gonna leave?"
The sound of pain in his voice was clear.
"Zexion... Why are you doing this?"
Zexion looked to the ground.
"I told you why already... I never want this to happen again..."
Axel approached him enraged.
"So thats it, I do something stupid and you run for it? If I did that everytime you did something that hurt or fucked me up I'd be gone a million times over!"
"Axel... It's not like that..."
"So I do one dumb thing and thats it? How the fuck can you justify this?"
"I can't explain it any better than I already have... This doesn't mean I don't..."
The redheads eyes tightened with anger.
"What? Love me? Is that what you're gonna say? You're full of shit Zexion you know that? You're going off because of Marluxia! You said that now don't fucking deny it!"
Zexion snapped and threw the suitcase to the side.
"Axel I'm doing this to get away from Marluxia! To get away from the fucking drugs before something even worse happens, you could have fucking died back there! It would have been my fault! I can't be responsible for that I wouldn't be able to live with myself!"
He laid one of his hands on Axel's cheek.
"You believe me right?"
Axel took in a shaky breath.
"Why the fuck would I believe you? All you ever do is lie... About Marluxia about the drugs and now about this..."
Tears started to roll freely down his face.
"What reason would I have to believe you?"
A taxi pulled up at the end of the garden and beeped its horn.
"Well if thats how I've made you feel all this time... Maybe its better for both of us that I'm leaving you behind... I love you Axel."
For a brief moment Zexion's kiss silenced Axel's sobs, then he picked up his suitcase from where he'd pushed it onto the grass and after loading it into the back of the taxi waved to Axel through the glass and within a second the car started moving away.
The redhead was on his knees in the grass, tears streaming down his face with one hand raised in a silent goodbye.
He stayed that way until the taxi was out of sight then let it fall back down to his side.
Demyx decided perhaps this was the right time to emerge from behind the bush he'd been hiding in...
"A-Axel?"
He didn't respond to his name and his eyes didn't move from the spot from where the taxi had disappeared...
"Axel?"
Silence ensued but slowly he got to his feet and taking very slow footsteps left the garden.
Demyx followed.
"We should probably get you back to the hospital..."
Still he didn't respond.
But let Demyx lead the way none the less.
A taxi was driving slowly towards them, so Demyx put his hand out to hail it.
It slowed down and stopped in front of them, Demyx bundled Axel into the back of the taxi and got in after him looking across the seat and then telling the taxi driver with a sigh where they needed to go.
/Hes always been here... Now hes just... Gone... How am I supposed to deal with this? What did I do to drive him away like this?/
Demyx kept looking over at Axel.
But Axel was absorbed in his thoughts watching cars whizz by the window tears were running down his cheeks.
/Where are you going Zexion? Will you cope alright alone?/
The blonde teen stared at the back of Axel's head he wanted to reach out...
To touch, to understand, even to heal if he could...
Just as his hand reached over to cover Axel's hand the taxi halted outside the hospital.
"That'll be 12.80 please."
Demyx snapped back into reality and handed the money over before sliding out of the door and running out into the rain to open Axel's door.
"Do you want my hoody?"
The redhead simply stepped out into the rain and started to walk towards the doors of the hospital.
Rain soaked his hair and washed the tears off his face, but right now it didn't look like he cared...
/Zexion... Why did you do this to me...?/
Demyx followed him into the hospital, his hair was flat and his face and clothes were wet...
He looked like he had been awake every night for about a month, hospital staff were freaking out and asking lots of questions about where he had been and why he had left but his facial expression remained the same and he walked by them like they wern't there...
The blonde teen ran up behind him.
"A-Axel? Won't you talk to them? They... They just want to help you..."
His walk didn't slow his expression didn't change he just approached the stairs and started walking up them.
"Axel..."
He felt hopeless as he watched Axel walk away and was then bombarded by questions from one of the nurses who was working on the floor where Axel's room was.
/I don't know what to do here... He's gone... He needed to get rid of me to get better... What did I do to him that made him so... Bad? Was I the reason he started taking it? And if I was is there any way I can make this better?/
He picked up his phone looking for Zexions number...
But it wasn't there...
At this stage however he knew it off by heart and dialled it into his phone...
Silence and then...
"Hey this is Zexion..."
"SEXY ZEXY!"
"Axel shut up! God... Anyways leave a message after the beep..."
The phone beeped in his ear.
"Zexion this is Axel... I don't know what to say or what to do... Only that I want to talk to you and get this cleared up. I think its great that you want to get clean and I support you one hundred per cent. I want... Need to know where you are, I really miss you... And I always thought you were dependent on me... I had it so wrong... I need and want you here... I love you. Please call me when you get this."
After half an hour or so, after pacing back and forth in his wet clothes endless times he picked up his phone again and dialled the number.
Once again silence...
"Hey Axel."
"Zexion I..."
"It's Zexion, I got your message. I'm sorry this is causing you pain... But this is something I need to do alone. Because of you I found love... But my life was flying off the rails, we were killing each other and I was putting you through hell, it wasn't good for either of us. So I've changed my phone number and emptied my phonebook... Chances are you won't hear from me again after this. Don't assume its because I don't care... I always have and always will love you. Believe me giving you up is going to be as hard if not harder than giving up the coke... Be strong... For me. I love you Axel."
The phone beeped dead in Axel's ear and he dropped it to the tiled floor.
/That's it... It's over.../
He lay back on his bed still in his wet clothes, tears running down his cheeks, his mind was rushing and completely blank all at once...
/Thats it.../
When Demyx and the nurse checked in on him later he appeared to be asleep.
Demyx took his place dutifully beside the bed, he was feeling low and worried and rejected...
But somehow he couldn't leave his bedside.
He thought if he left it might be the thing that pushes him over the edge...
So he sat watching Axel breathe, he felt he wasn't needed to an extent and that he couldn't fill the gap in Axel's life that was Zexion.
/What if I'm just wasting my time... What if I'm just being a doormat... I should just leave and let his brother look after him./
Demyx stood up suddenly and made for the door but went back to the bed to pull the blankets up over Axel.
/He's soaking... What the hell was he thinking?/
Demyx shook Axel violently to try wake him up... But his eyes were open.
"Axel... Why are you lying there in wet clothes? You'll catch your death..."
The redhead just looked at Demyx.
"What do you care...? You're leaving too."
The blonde teen shook his head.
"I'd never leave... I'm just feeling... Useless... I don't know what I can do to make the situation better..."
Axel sat up on the bed.
"So stop trying to make it better and accept that some situations are just shit..."
Demyx nodded.
"Okay so its a shitty situation... Now what...?"
The redhead took a deep breath...
"Well I'm sick of staying in here I know they want to keep an eye on me, but fuck it... I'm bailing."
"What? You can't leave Axel... They need to make sure theres no permanent damage from what you did..."
Axel shrugged.
"Okay well then you can stay here and explain why I'm gone cause I'm not staying..."
Demyx put his fingers to his temples.
"Axel come on... Thats not fair... I'm just trying to look out for you here..."
"Yeah well... You coming or not?"
The blonde shook his head back and forth several times then looked into Axel's acid green eyes...
He was clearly going to enjoy this hospital breakout, there was a sparkle in his eyes and what Demyx thought was a slight smirk on his lips.
"Fine..."
Yup that was definitely a smirk on his lips.
"Right check the corridor... Uhm... Find a... Fire exit! Yeah! That'll set all of the alarms off and then we can get away with the crowd..."
He knew all was not well in Axel's head right now, but if this is what it took to make him smile...
So be it.
He walked out into the corridor and spotted a drinks machine and walked up to it checking out the corridor.
White white white...
It was almost making him feel sick...
Then he spotted it, the bright green fire exit sign, it seemed miles away but he got a drink from the dispenser and walked back into the room.
Axel was sitting in the corner face buried in his knees sobbing loudly, Demyx sat down beside him in the darkened room and wrapped his arm around Axel's shoulders.
"I thought you wanted to bust out of here... And set off all the fire alarms?"
"I just don't get it... What made him leave...? Was I stopping him from getting better? Was it my fault?"
"Well... I can't say for sure but maybe he just needs a new start altogether... Like maybe he'll come back when he's better..."
Axel smirked a little.
"It's funny..."
"What is?"
"Well I was at these crossroads a little while ago... And... Actually... Forget it."
"No I want to hear about this."
"Sorry I can't remember what I was going to say..."
As quick as his mood had picked up it was right back down again.
"Maybe I'll just call Reno and have him check me out of here..."
Demyx nodded wondering what he was going to say...
The redhead picked his phone up off the floor flipped it open and dialled Reno's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey Reno..."
"Bro you're awake! That's great! I'm gonna fucking kill you when I get my hands on you!?! What the fuck were you thinking!?"
"Me and Zexion had a fight..."
"And so you nearly fucking kill yourself? Thats very clever Axel... Remind me to pull that one when I next have an argument with my girlfriend."
Axel sighed.
"Reno you don't have a girlfriend..."
"Oh... Yeah... Wait stop changing the subject! You're in trouble!"
"Yeah great can you please come and get me out of here its giving me the creeps..."
Reno breathed heavily down the phone.
"I really don't know if I should... You sound like you might be better off spending a few days there Axel..."
Axel was trying to hold back tears.
"Zexion and me broke up..."
"That happens like three times a week bro so thats not gonna change my mind..."
"No... I mean... H-He's packed his bags and he's gone... He's changed his number... He's not coming back..."
There was a dead silence from the other end of the phone.
"He's actually gone? You guys are for real this time? Woah... Dude give me like ten minutes and I'll get you out of there."
"Thanks..."
Ten minutes later Reno sped into the car park and told the receptionist he wanted to check his brother out of the place and bring him home.
"Whos your brother sir?"
"Axel."
"He tried to leave the hospital the other night for reasons his friend wouldn't explain... We feel that he should stay in for at the very least a few more days..."
"Listen lady, I know my brother... I know what he's like and I know he'll be better off at home so I'm taking him out of here with or without your help."
The receptionist gulped nodded and sent someone up to get Axel straight away.
Reno paid the receptionist and led Axel and Demyx out to the carpark.
They were standing next to Reno's car and Demyx made to walk away.
"Do you want a ride home or something?"
Axel was staring at his shoes.
"You could stay you know...?"
This is what Demyx had dreamed of Axel saying from day one...
But of his own accord, not because he was feeling a loss...
Or needed the use of a doormat.
Demyx knew in his head that it was selfish to think this way and that he should take his offer up only because he wanted to make him feel better...
And not just want to feel him up...
He was silent with a head full of possibilities but before any awkward silence emerged he nodded his head.
Reno nodded too.
"Yeah seems like a good idea... He can keep an eye on you when I can't."
Axel still looked dazed and upset.
"Yeah... Sounds good..."
Demyx hated himself for thinking anything romantic could possibly come of this...
And randomly mentally abused himself when he thought about what Axel would look like in his underwear.
/He's just out of hospital and out of a relationship you sick sick inconsiderate prick!/
Axel randomly leaned towards him while Reno was speeding towards their house and whispered.
"Thanks for staying with me..."
Before laying his head on Demyx's shoulder.
/Think of anything... Just not that this means anything.../
A few moments later Reno pulled into a driveway and Axel sat up and took his seatbelt off, Demyx followed suite trying not to look too disappointed that the car ride ended a little too early for his liking.
Reno unlocked the door and let them both walk in before he did, Axel headed straight for the stairs.
"Arn't you gonna tell me what happened with you and Zexion?"
Axel shook his head.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now... I think I'm just gonna go to bed..."
Reno nodded.
"Okay well call me if you want anything ok?"
"Sure... Thanks..."
Demyx followed Axel up the stairs silently.
The redhead took a left in front of one door and opened up another one the door opened onto a dark red room...
Everything painted with black and red and flames he took his hoody off and kicked his shoes onto the floor.
"I'm gonna take a shower... You make yourself comfortable... Playstations all set up if you wanna play..."
He then opened a door Demyx thought was a closet and walked inside...
The shower turned on and he could hear water splashing.
/In there Axel is naked and heartbroken and fucked up and all you can concentrate on is the fact that he's naked and naked... I wonder does that door have a keyhole? Oh my fucking God! I can't perv on him! He's relying on me to be here for him! Control yourself!/
Demyx pinched himself on the thigh.
"Owww!"
/Now calm down. Fucking hell.../
Axel's hands were in front of him against the tiled wall warm water was running over his skin making him feel comfortable.
Currently nothing made sense...
Thinking of Zexion now caused him intense pain while any thought of him before brought a smile to his face and yet he wanted to think of him...
And he was glad that Zexion was sorting his life out, but distraught that he had decided it was to be without him.
Everything they had was now gone, all the pictures he had of them together he wanted to both treasure and burn...
/I gave you everything I had... Everything... I was innocent before I met you you prick and now you just leave!?!/
He picked up a razor on one of the stands in the shower and gripping it hard let it take all his pain and fury out on someone that didn't feel like him anymore...
Breathing heavily he looked at the damage inflicted and extended his arms under the shower letting the sting of water on his open wounds prolong the effect.
Momentarily everything was both blurrier and clearer he laughed a little bit before the pain stopped.
He turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.
/I promised him I'd never do it again... But whats a promise to him now...?/
He started to dry himself off...
There was a long sleeved black t shirt lying on the ground which he picked up off the floor and pulled over his wet hair, he dried off the rest of himself and dressed again.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
/No wonder he left you... You look like crap... And look what you've just done to yourself.../
He pulled his fist back to punch the mirror when a small knock at the door distracted him.
"Uhm... Axel? Are you okay?"
The redhead sighed and unlocked the door.
"Yeah... I'm fine."
/What they don't know won't hurt them... If I keep it hidden... They don't need to know./
Demyx smiled to himself.
/Axel looks better now... Maybe he'll be okay after all.../
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