Demyx called his mother when they arrived back from the beach and walked into Axel's room with a big smile on his face.
"Did she give out to you for being drunk?"
Demyx shrugged giggling.
"I don't think she noticed, she wants me to drop home tomorrow though just to make sure I'm okay..."
He sighed.
"Why the long face?"
The blonde's shoulders dropped as he blew breath out from his puffed out cheeks.
"I just kinda... Like being here..."
Axel cocked his head.
"And?"
Demyx sighed again.
"You know you can come back after Demy..."
A small smile crept across Demyx's lips.
"Maybe I will..."
"Are you sure you'll be okay? Like you can come along... Cause Reno's gone out and all... You're welcome anytime in my house..."
Axel smiled and shook his head.
"You go see your mom and spend some time I'll be here when you get back. Okay?"
Demyx nodded slowly but really didnt want to leave Axel alone... Especially after spotting all the cuts on his arm... That would be something he decided he would need to keep an eye on.
"Okay... I'll be back soon."
Axel waved as Demyx drove off with his mother and when they were out of sight turned back into the empty house and closed the door behind him.
His back was against the front door and he felt himself slide down it his hands met the floor with a light thud.
/I know he likes me... And I like him... But I still love... And it still hurts.../
He put his head in his hands looking through his fingers at the floor.
/Would it hurt so much...?/
"So hows Axel doing?"
"Better I think."
"How are the ribs?"
"Getting there... Sore but I'm still up and about with em..."
"Thats good... So... Its been a few days... When do you think you'll be back?"
Demyx lay his teacup on the table and looked up at his mother.
"Well... When hes better..."
His mother shot him a look.
"Come on Demyx... You're supposed to be resting and getting better and heading back to school soon... You can't really do that running about all the time... Plus... You wern't friends with this boy before... Whats the sudden interest?"
/Sudden interest? SUDDEN?/
He could feel himself heat up... He was flustered that his mom didn't understand what he was feeling and even more flustered about the fact that she couldn't read it without making him say the words he hadn't planned to utter to his mother for a while... Her whole life if that was possible...
"I'm gay."
"I mean you've only just met him and..."
His mother went very silent and looked at him.
"What?"
"I'm... Gay."
Axel found himself lining up the white powder along the back of the toilet again.
/This isn't forever, its just to take the edge off... Just to make things a little easier to handle right now.../
He snorted it up and his eyes watered a little.
Axel made his way out of the bathroom and concealed the bag in the toe of his shoe.
He lay back on his bed and started picking shapes out of the cracks in the ceiling, he could feel it starting to work already...
/I know I miss him. But he's gone... And I need to accept that Zexions gone and get off this crap so I can decide what to do with a clear head and a clear conscience... Theres not much left in there and if I get rid of it all now... Then there'll be no more... And no more temptation... Right?/
His eyes looked at the screen of his phone...
/21.21... He'll be back soon enough... I'd better do this quick.../
"You're... Gay?"
Demyx took another casual sip from his teacup and laid it down trying to make it look like it wasn't a big deal even if the real reason he was sipping the tea was that his mouth had gone like the Sahara Desert...
"Yeah."
His mother shifted on her chair.
"And when did you establish this?"
The blonde boy turned to look her in the eye.
"I guess I've always known..."
His mother was shaking her head.
"But what about... Children? Marriage?"
Demyx shook his head.
"I can always get married... And I can adopt kids..."
He could see tears form in his mothers eyes.
"And what about what happens those people who are open about it? The hatred... The beatings? Sometimes even killings? I lost your father... I'd rather not..."
She couldn't continue and simply broke down into tears, Demyx could do nothing but hug her...
"I'm sorry mom... But I can't help how I am..."
Tears started running down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry..."
Axel was lying on his bed alone feeling the complete come down that was happening.
/I want to get clean... I need to beat this to have a clear head... To make a decision... Being sober hurts... But I need to be strong... And Demyx will be back soon... He'll keep me strong.../
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
Demyx sighed.
"Honestly? I was scared... I wasn't sure how you'd react... And I was probably right about keeping it in..."
His mother shook her head.
"No... I'm glad you told me..."
She laughed a little.
Demyx raised an eyebrow.
"You find this funny?"
She shook her head.
"No no! I just think its funny that one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was that I don't have to worry about you coming home and telling me you got some girl pregnant..."
She wiped her eyes and there was a long silence...
"Oh... Well yeah I guess..."
Next thing they knew they were both laughing.
Axel could feel every passing minute...
His nails started to scrape the bedsheets in frustration and want.
/Demyx I need you... Where are you?/
He dialled his number and heard a soft ringing...
"Demyx?"
He moved towards the noise and found not Demyx but his phone lying underneath his bedsheets...
/He must have forgotten it.../
Sighing he lay down and watched the clock for a further twenty minutes...
He stood up and sat back down again...
/23.00.../
Before he could stop himself he was walking out of his room jeans on striped t shirt on hoody in his hand hair sticking up in its usual style...
He wasn't feeling the minutes passing...
Next thing his hoody was on...
The coke was in his system working hard to keep him going...
But even at this high stage he could feel it beginning to decend...
This street was familiar...
Painfully familiar...
The last time he'd been here he'd said goodbye to the one person he'd ever really loved...
But he wasn't here for that this time...
"So thats why I want to stay with Axel... Hes looked out for me so much... And well... I think..."
His mother sighed.
"You like him?"
Demyx's face flushed.
"Well maybe... He needs someone right now... He's gone through a lot..."
His mother nodded sighing.
"I just don't want to see you used or hurt... And I don't mind you staying there... Just make sure when its time to go back to school you stay less and put effort into studying... Okay?"
Demyx nodded.
"Okay... I'll put more effort into school..."
"Promise?"
"Promise..."
He went to turn to get some things from his bedroom when he realised he probably should mention the real reason Roxas beat him up and took a breath ready to talk...
But changed his mind and sighed instead.
/It'll just worry her.../
Demyx walked up the stairs and into his room packing some random clothes into a backpack and even throwing in his school books so he could brush up a little on some subjects before he started back...
Throwing everything he needed in he walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Don't worry about me and... I love you."
His mother smiled at him and called out after him just before he left the house.
"I love you too."
Demyx was in high spirits as he made the walk to Axel's.
/I feel like I've just had a huge weight lifted off me! I'm so glad I told her.../
Humming to himself the streets just seemed to glide by under his feet, he passed cars and gardens and trees and before he knew it there he stood outside Axel's house.
Still humming to himself he rang the doorbell and Reno answered.
"Oh hey! Whats up?"
"Hi! Is it cool with you if I stay again?"
Reno nodded.
"Course! Head up, I think he might be sleeping or something though hes been really quiet although I only got in like half an hour ago..."
Demyx nodded happily and took the stairs quietly, it was dark and Demyx flipped on one of the lamps in the room, so as not to wake Axel up.
But when he turned around...
His bed was empty...
Both beds were empty...
Demyx ran down the stairs and into the kitchen where Reno was pouring himself a drink.
"Hes not upstairs..."
Reno put the glass down.
"He's not upstairs?"
Demyx shook his head now clearly panicked.
The redhead grabbed his car keys and rushed towards the door with Demyx in tow.
"Don't worry dude, we'll find him."
Axel stood outside the house staring at it despite the fact that it had started to rain...
He knew someone was in...
There were lights flipping on and off in random rooms and the blue glow of a tv flickering against the blinds in the front room.
One foot in front of another he walked up towards the house up the pleasant little pathway that usually meant dread for him, he thought outsiders would find it very pleasant and lovely to behold...
Think that maybe a family lived there...
That maybe they owned a dog...
And that they all loved each other...
A mom a dad and two or three kids...
Or maybe... Just maybe he was still junked up and these thoughts were the result of nothing but cocaine.
None the less he followed the little path up to the house his hair dripping as he stepped onto the doorstep, his hand lingering over the bell, but before he even rang it the door opened...
"Axel? What are you doing here?"
Reno pulled up to Demyx's house.
"You should check here before you start panicking... He might have come to pick you up and got talking to your mom or something... You know Axel once he starts talking theres NO shutting him up."
The blonde boy knocked at the door and his mother answered.
"Hey!"
"Oh whats wrong? Did you forget something?"
Demyx shook his head.
"No no, Axel isn't here by any chance is he?"
His mother shook her head.
"No... Why?"
"Cause when I got to his, he wasn't there either... We don't know where he is..."
Immediately Demyx's mother ran in and pulling on a jacket grabbed her car keys.
Reno stepped out of his car.
"We can look for him I'm sure hes just gone for a walk or something... You stay in out of the rain."
She shook her head.
"He looked after Demyx when he was in trouble and I'd like to help out..."
Reno nodded.
"Alright then... You head towards town and we'll check out Zexion's house we'll meet back here that ok with you?"
"Fine by me."
With that they switched numbers and got into their cars.
Hoping that by the time they got back there one of them would have Axel safely in their car...
"I-I..."
"Zexion's not here... Haven't heard a word since he left... So what are you doing here?"
Axel's head fell and his eyes stared blankly at the floor.
"This place reminds me of him... Everything reminds me of him... I need something to help me forget... Or at least to help me not care..."
Marluxia was wide eyed and unsure of what to say...
He was staring at someone who had been a major obsticle in his life, someone who frustrated him, someone he thought he hated, but at that moment he didn't hate him...
And certainly couldn't bring himself to with the state he was in right now...
"Come in..."
The door closed behind them and Axel took in his surroundings...
He remembered storming through this house so many times wanting to kill Marluxia and save Zexion from his evil grasp...
But now he wasn't sure anymore...
Marluxia was the only person he knew had seen Zexion's weaker side besides himself...
And that thought both comforted and disturbed him...
"Can I get you a drink?"
Axel shrugged.
"Got anything harder?"
Marluxia looked at him suspiciously.
"What are you on right now?"
"Nothing... I just need something to make me feel better..."
"Come off it Axel, I've tried everything..."
The redhead sighed.
"Then you already know its cocaine why bother asking...?"
"I just wanted to make sure..."
Marluxia went out into the kitchen and fixed them both a drink.
"Here."
Axel took the drink off him eyeing it suspiciously.
"Theres nothing in your drink Axel... If there was I'd tell you."
The redhead shrugged.
"Wouldn't make a difference anyway... I'm probably screwing everything up just by being here..."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well I'm selling out... I'm supposed to hate you for stealing away my Zexion and turning him into a junkball... But now I get that no one can turn anyone into a junkball... That it was all his own doing... That hes a big boy and made all of his own choices... Including cheating on me with you..."
His voice broke on the last word and tears started flowing down his cheeks.
"I know he was addicted... Was it simply for a hit that he took up your offer? Or was it... Something else?"
Marluxia lined up some coke on the glass table in front of them and did half the line then offered the other half to Axel which he took.
"It was just for the drugs... He talked about you... A lot... And always felt bad that he'd cheated afterwards... And it killed me... That no matter what he got from me he'd always return to you..."
He spat the last words out like they were venom burning his throat...
"Its not that I was short of lovers or admirers... I could have his body... But you... You had his soul... His heart... He came back to me for another hit... But went home to you to confess his failings and for love... For forgivness..."
Axel downed the rest of his drink and looked to Marluxia.
"You're the only person who understands that I have nothing left..."
Tears ran down his face and Marluxia found himself remorseful, reaching out to wipe the tears away, tilting his face up.
Their eyes met a moment before their lips did and they seared and burned each other with something very close to hatred jealousy and heat that was fuelled by pure want...
The want to recapture their memories of what they missed by using the closest subsitute to the real thing.
Nothing was said nothing needed to be...
Both knew where they stood as they dragged each other up the stairs searing each other with touches of want and searing passion...
The hatred was gone...
For tonight they were lovers...
They could worry about the consequences tomorrow...
Axel hit the bed with force and Marluxia pulled his jeans off capturing his lips again in that intoxicating heat and passion...
He braced himself for the pain that would inevitably follow but Marluxia was gentle...
Surprisingly gentle...
He remembered all the bruises that he'd seen on Zexion...
And closed his eyes and thought of him...
Then opened his eyes again and met Marluxia's...
Suddenly he felt himself gasping and gripping Marluxia's back digging his nails into his skin in esctasy.
This made no sense...
His eyes fell closed and breathing heavily felt Marluxias hand move up and down him intensfying his pleasure ten fold.
A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he released across their stomachs in a shuddering sigh that seemed to take over his entire body.
Marluxia gripped the bedsheets and gasped as he released deep inside Axel.
He collasped on top of him panting from the exertion.
Both lay there breathless for what seemed like hours and yet passed like seconds...
Marluxia pulled out and rolled over onto his back panting, he stayed close to Axel their bodies still touching...
But neither reached out for the other...
It made no sense...
He had not slept with him for drugs or revenge he had not intended to sleep with him at all...
And when it came down to using him as a replica for Zexion his imagination failed him...
But Marluxia's eyes hadn't...
He had stared at him as he reached orgasm...
And followed suite soon after...
This was trouble waiting to happen and they could both feel it.
But for the moment neither cared...
Tonight they were lovers...
This was their world, their bubble, their situation...
It was breaking the rules of their game but from across the bed, across their universe, across their situation Marluxia reached out and wrapped his arm around Axel's waist pulling him against himself...
Their hearts were both broken by the same man and it wasn't affection, it wasn't love...
It was comfort...
And for now, that was good enough as he lay his head into Marluxia's chest and closed his eyes.
Just down the road in Axel's house Demyx lay in a bed alone...
Worrying about his friend, his crush, his, he hoped, lover to be...
/I wish you'd call me and let me know you're okay.../
He lay alone in the bed tears of worry running down his face, Reno pulled into the driveway but when he went to see if Demyx was okay Demyx pretended to be asleep...
Axel wasn't with him he had no idea where he was...
And he hadn't been answering his phone...
This all ran through his mind until 6 am when he finally through heavy tear filled eyes saw the room fade into black and finally fell asleep, hoping that tomorrow he would wake up to Axel fast asleep beside him with his arms wrapped around his waist...
No comments:
Post a Comment