Demyx awoke the next morning alone...
The whole house was empty, Reno had gone to work and Axel...
He didn't know where he was, but was getting the idea that this was Axel's way of telling him he'd outstayed his welcome and that he just wasn't interested...
Wiping his eyes he sat up and pulled a dark pair of jeans from his bag just as he pulled them on he heard keys in the door and peeked out of the bedroom door to see who it was...
There at the end of the stairs stood Axel.
Demyx wanted to be angry and cold and uncaring...
But in the pit of his stomach he felt a mix of butterflies and dread and excitement...
He stepped back into the room to grab his t shirt and stood on a creaky floorboard.
/FUCK FUCK FUCK! Maybe... He didn't hear...?/
No such luck...
Step by step Axel was walking towards his room and swung the door open whilst Demyx was in the middle of getting his t shirt on, Demyx decided to play the 'oh its just you card'.
Axel looked at Demyx smiling.
"Hi! I didn't think you were coming back last night... So I headed out for a walk."
Demyx turned around.
"Listen, you don't have to explain yourself to me..."
He threw his last few things into his backpack, threw it over one of his shoulders and made for the door.
Axel looked confused.
"Where are you going?"
Demyx stopped without turning around.
"Home..."
"Why?"
"I'm not willing to be your doormat while you're off whoring yourself."
Axel stepped in front of Demyx.
"Why do you think I was out 'whoring' myself anyway?"
Demyx was trying to hold back tears.
"Honestly Axel? I can fucking smell him off you... Not that its my business, we were never really happening anyway and then lying about it... Excuse me."
With that Demyx left the room with Axel in tow.
"Okay okay, I'll tell you the truth..."
Demyx stopped dead in his tracks bracing himself against finding out who it was, he took a deep breath and didn't turn around.
"Okay..."
There was a long silence and Demyx took a deep breath.
"Where were you last night? Who do you think would go through all this shit and come out to their mother just to get a few more days to spend with you? Who do you think would worry and stay up half the night in tears worrying about what happened to you? Who do you think would search for hours to find you and get no result and search again?"
There was a long pause between them.
"I did Axel and I did it as your friend... I wasn't trying to get into your pants or whatever you think I'm doing all this for... You know how I feel... Now tell me what happened..."
The redhead took a deep breath.
"Are you sure you want to hear this?"
Demyx looked at the floor.
"Probably not, but looks like I'll have to."
Axel sat on the stairs.
"Right... You left last night and went to your house... I was fine just lying on my bed and whatever... Then I started to feel a bit... You know... So I did a line... Then seeing I had only a little left I did the rest of it... With every intention of giving up as soon as it was gone... So I waited for you... And eventually it got really late and I went for a walk... While walking up a road I caught sight of Marluxia's house..."
Demyx put his bag down and sat on the stairs his back still facing Axel.
"And?"
The redhead shifted slightly.
"I stood there for a little while thinking... And then went up the garden path..."
Demyx could feel bile beginning to make its way up his throat.
"And I was standing on the doorstep... And he opened the door... I asked him for something that would make me forget Zexion ever existed or at least ease the pain of the fact that he does..."
The blonde could feel the tears well up in his eyes.
"And?"
"And he invited me in... We had a drink... Then we talked for ages... Then he set a line on the table and invited me to do half of it..."
"And of course you did it..."
Demyx spat the words out like poison.
Axel sighed his voice cracking.
"Y-Yeah... Then we talked a little more about Zexion... Next thing I knew, he was kissing me... And... Then... Then we went upstairs..."
The images flashed through his mind like forbidden memories, things that he knew he should be ashamed of... But just couldn't quite bear to part with...
Demyx's voice was shakey.
"So you slept with him?"
Axel stayed very quiet for what seemed like forever and all Demyx could hear was his heart beating loudly in his ears and the sound of his own throat trying to swallow away the lump that was forming there.
"Yeah... I did."
Demyx was shaking, he felt dizzy and sick he wanted to tell Axel he adored him, that he was so disappointed and how he wanted to be the one he came to when things got bad...
But all he could muster was,
"Okay."
Before picking up his backpack and walking to the door.
"No Demyx wait! Please!"
Axel stood in front of the door but Demyx's eyes were fixed firmly on the floor.
"Look at me... Please."
The blonde kept his eyes firmly on the floor and whispered.
"I don't think I can..."
With that he pulled the door and Axel stepped aside to let him pass, Demyx stepped outside into the morning grey and stopped not turning around...
"And just as I was starting to fall for you too..."
Axel watched as Demyx rounded the corner making eye contact just for a moment and then disappearing behind a wall.
He kicked the door when he got in.
/Damn it... What the fuck?/
He went up the stairs and went straight into the bathroom and picked up the blade.
/You stupid stupid fuck you messed up everything you had for the sake of preserving a fucking memory and because you got horny!? STUPID STUPID BASTARD!/
His right arm was bloodied from the crook of his elbow to the crease of where his hand began.
/Fuck... Now I have to clean this up too.../
He heard his brothers keys in the door and panicked...
Grabbing a sponge from the shower he wiped the drips of blood from the floor and ran his arm under the water.
It stung like hell...
But there were far worse things than physical pain in this world he realised and took as warning that it'd probably be the least painful thing he'd experience today...
Demyx was walking home tears running down his face when it started to rain...
/I can't believe he'd lead me on like that... Why would he ever do that to me? I thought he was at the very least my friend.../
He really didn't want to go home...
But where else could he go?
Street after street he walked, downtown, around by the hospital and ended up at the pier...
It was deserted except for some fishermen he noticed as he walked up to the end of it and sat down feet dangling over the edge, he looked into the water and could barely make out his reflection through all the raindrops that were hitting the water...
He decided he would return to school the next day just to get his mind off it...
But for now, he was okay just sitting in the rain...
Marluxia sat in his living room staring at the raindrops sliding down the window outside.
His thoughts were full of the night before...
It wasn't by any means the best sex he'd ever had, but it was stuck in his head...
Something about him captured his thoughts and held on for dear life, the way his body jerked when it was becoming too much and the irresistable way his eyes rolled backwards and slid shut just before he came...
He still had the marks his nails left on his back he'd been gripping on so hard.
/Still raining.../
He looked at his phone tempted to call Axel and picked it up and dialled in the number and almost pressed call a dozen or so times then threw his phone onto the couch beside him just out of reach.
/Don't be stupid... It was most likely a once off... And you're just wanting him cause you know you can't have him... Again... Right?/
Axel pulled his sleeves down to cover the damage he'd just inflicted on himself just as his brother came into his room.
"Where the fuck were you last night? Demyx was waiting here all night came out searching twice... In fact wheres he now?"
"He went home..."
"Can't say I blame him... Now why the fuck didn't you call? And where were you?"
Axel looked ashamed.
"Well I left my phone somewhere where i couldn't hear it and I was close by..."
Reno frowned.
"I didn't ask for a general direction I asked where you were!"
Axel sighed quietly ashamed to admit where he was.
"Marluxia's..."
Reno laughed.
"Fuck off... You hate Marluxia."
"I know thats what makes this situation all the more confusing..."
Reno stopped dead in his tracks.
"You didn't..."
"Didn't what?"
"Sleep with him..."
Axel nodded slowly.
Reno shook his head.
"What are you on drugs? Havent you despised him for most of your life?"
Axel was slightly startled by the question...
"I'm not on anything... And yeah... Like I said I have no idea why it happened..."
Reno shrugged.
"I've just heard hes a bit of a manwhore... wouldn't wanna see you hurt bro."
Demyx slowly made his way home again from the pier. he was still finding it hard to cope with and kept his head down for the whole way home he didnt want to be seen or questioned by anyone who might know him, his eyes were tear stained and he just wanted to go home lie on his bed and die.
/I don't want to fall in love I don't wanna date anyone... I just want to be left alone... Rip my heart out and leave it at home so nothing outside there can effect it.../
He sighed to himself... He'd been so absorbed in his thoughts his house was already in view.
/If I go straight upstairs maybe she wont question me... Maybe I can just go upstairs and she'll leave me be.../
He stuck his key in the door and just as he was about to turn it the door opened.
"Hi Demyx... What happened? Did Axel come back? And how come you're back?"
Tears started to fall down his face.
"Jesus Demyx! Whats wrong? Did something happen to him?"
The blonde boy shook his head.
"No... Nothing happened to him, hes fine... Excuse me."
With that he walked up the stairs to his room and locked the door.
He lay on his bed and let the tears roll into his pillow.
/Axel how could you do this to me?/
Marluxia's phone still lay next to him on the couch...
/You could call him... What could it hurt the worst he could say is no... But what are you looking for? More sex? Remember he was pretty coked up last night... He might completely regret it today.../
This last thought made him wince slightly...
He didn't regret it, it hadn't been a big deal at the time...
But the more he thought about it the more vividly he could remember his green eyes sliding shut, how tightly he had gripped him and how his body had arched and his breath became heavy just right before he came, afterwards too how he'd seemed so helpless, needing to be touched... How they lay there together touching but not reaching out... How Axel had so easily nestled his head into his chest when he'd wrapped his arms around his tiny waist...
He was tall in height but tiny in figure... Almost feminine... He'd remembered pulling his arm up from his side and noticing the fresh cuts mixed with white lines shining in the moonlight... But didn't dare to ask about them... They fell asleep like that and awoke the same way... Marluxia couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up beside someone from the night before... Or looked at them while they'd slept and this was scaring him...
He looked out into the rain and once again picked up his phone, only to throw it across the couch again.
Demyx returned to school the next day alone...
The wide halls seemed like they would swallow him whole and he knew if he wasn't careful he might run into Roxas again...
He would have to deal with him in class but that was controlled and he could handle snide comments, he could even handle Roxas if he was alone but he usually hung around in groups of 3 or more...
/The last thing I need is something else broken.../
With that the bell rang and he made his way up the cream coloured staircase to maths class.
His usual seat was empty and it was the same old class no changes whatsoever since he'd left...
So he sat down and lay his bag on the ground, pulled out his maths book and laid it on the desk, only to have it purposely knocked off his table by Roxas passing by who sniggered and said.
"Oooops sorry Demyx! Accidents happen!"
/Fucking asshole... I am in no mood./
He picked the book up off the floor and walked to Roxas' table where he and his gang were laughing and with the book in hand raised his hand very deliberately and swung his hand full force with the book still grasped in it and hit Roxas in the side of the face.
Roxas went pale when the book caught his face and there was a collective gasp from the class...
Demyx was almost instantly hauled off to the principals office but he was grinning and even gave Roxas the finger on the way out.
"And so Demyx was here when I arrived back... And I told him everything... We wern't official or anything... But he took it really hard... And now I dunno what to do..."
Reno was wide eyed.
"You actually screwed him... I kinda thought you were kidding at first! But thats pretty bad, especially cause you hated him so much!"
Axel shook his head.
"Thats exactly why its so confusing... I enjoyed the deed... Just not the consequences..."
Reno's eyes were like saucers.
"Well say Marluxia asked you to be with him would you go for it?"
Axel thought for a moment...
"I wouldn't say so... But then again I didn't think I'd screw him either..."
Reno thought for another moment.
"Between Zexion and Marluxia?"
"Zexion obviously."
Reno nodded.
"Fair enough alright between Marluxia and Demyx?"
Axel answered almost immediately.
"Demyx."
Reno took a sip of the coffee that was sitting on the kitchen counter in front of him.
"So how about Zexion and Demyx?"
Axel shook his head.
"I hope thats a choice I don't ever have to make..."
*I've been clean for two weeks now... It's difficult I'm not gonna lie... I haven't had any fallbacks yet... They say if I continue like this I might even be able to head home and continue from there... I'm not sure if being at home would get me back into bad habits, or if it would give me the support I need to stay off it for good? Right now I'm just gonna worry about keeping myself busy and keeping my mind occupied and remember why I came here in the first place.*
Zexion gazed at the small picture of Axel which he stuck to his notebook.
/Just a little longer baby and I'll be back to you and I can be the boyfriend we both know you deserve and we'll never have to be separated again./
Reno shook his head.
"It's a choice that you'll have to make anyway... If you never let go of Zexion how are you ever supposed to love anyone else?"
Axel nodded frowning and pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled Demyx's number.
Demyx noticed his phone vibrating but couldn't pull it out as he was in trouble as it was...
So it rang out three times before he was even called into the principals office.
"Demyx... We take it as a very serious offence hitting or any kind of violence towards another student in any way shape or form you know that."
The blonde boy nodded.
"Since its a first offence we'll let you off lightly but if this happens again there'll be trouble got it?"
Demyx stood up and leaned over the table.
"And what about gay bashing? Is that perfectly acceptable in your school?"
The principal looked stumped.
"Well no form of violence towards another person for any reason is tolerated here."
"Then you should really check your surveillence cameras more..."
With that Demyx stood up and went to leave.
"We're clearly not done here Demyx you're suspended for 3 days... And what exactly did you mean by that last comment?"
The blonde sighed.
"Well the reason my rib is broken is due to Roxas' out of my years gay hating antics... Him and his cronies decided to jump me after school and I wound up going to hospital. I was unconscious for several hours and was grateful that Axel was nearby and kind enough to come and look after me so long story short I have a broken rib cause I like guys... Course if you had of checked your security cameras like you're supposed to I would never have taken revenge into my own hands and hit him with my maths book... Is that all?"
The principal a little shocked about what she'd just been told went to find out about the security camera footage straight away...
Demyx walked out into the rain with his head down he pulled his hood up and made his way over towards the school shelters...
/At least this way I won't get grilled by my mom about what happened.../
He was mid stride when he was stopped by hands on his shoulders his blue eyes searched the familiar looking body and finally met its sad owners acid green eyes.
Demyx wanted to talk to say anything to push him away to tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again.
But a hand on his chin tilted his head up and before he could stop himself or protest his bag was in the wet grass and his hands were tangled in Axels hair, his lips and tongue mingling with Axel's...
Axel's hands slid down Demyx's back his embrace tightening as though he was afraid to let go...
When their lips parted Axel's lips were at Demyx's ear.
"I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. I don't expect you to forgive me. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry... And I regret hurting you. I don't even know why I did it..."
The blonde was taken offguard and just nodded taking a sharp breath inwards.
"How do I know you're not lying?"
Axel shrugged.
"I guess you don't... But I'm not going to ask you to trust me either..."
Demyx turned back to Axel and looked him straight in the eye.
"We're wern't official and I guess I have no reason not to trust you..."
Axel took a deep breath.
"Just say yes or no..."
He took another deep breath.
"I want to dedicate myself to you... I want you to be able to trust me... What I'm saying is... I want to make 'us' official..."
Demyx picked up his bag from the grass and slung it over one shoulder looking thoughtful.
"Honestly Axel, I don't know... It's not for lack of wanting, I've liked you for... Well years... But I'm gonna have to think about that... And I think you do too... Like if Zexion returned tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'd be dumped in a heartbeat... Pointless heartbreak is something I think I'd rather avoid... So when you figure it out, let me know..."
Demyx then kissed Axel lightly on the cheek and started off in the direction of home across the wet grass, leaving Axel standing alone in the rain phone in hand.
"I'll text you later on kay?"
Demyx raised his hand and waved as he walked away.
The rain was easing off and on the horizon there was a break in the clouds...
Maybe things would be okay after all...
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