Zexion left the hospital with the fifty in his pocket feeling desperate and relieved all at once...
/What the fuck have I done? I just stole money from my comatosed boyfriend and all I can think of is that I have no fucking coke... It's my fault hes like that.../
But his steps kept firm against the pavement moving away, ha wasn't sure where to go to get it, Marluxia had always supplied it to him.
So he just walked and hoped it would come to him soon before he lost it completely...
His head was rushing with thoughts.
/Go back and see Axel... He needs you right now... But you need to get that fix and soon or else you'll be screwed.../
Withdrawl symptoms were beginning to kick in and he didn't want to face that while Axel was in this state he just needed to get a fix and he'd go back and stay there...
Feeling a little dizzy he pulled his phone out of his pocket...
/I know I shouldn't... But.../
Without another thought he dialled his number and hit the green call button.
He leaned against a wall finding it rather hard to stay upright...
It felt like an eternity before his familiar voice answered.
"Hello?"
Zexion sighed into the phone.
"Hi Marly its me... I'm.. I'm in a bad way... Could you possibly help me out?"
Footsteps echoed from the other end of the phone as though he was walking up some stairs then he heard his voice in a harsh whisper.
"What did I tell you about calling me when you know I'm away?"
"I-I know but I need..."
"I told you not to call me when I'm here."
"I-I'm sorry just s-something happened and I need..."
"I don't care what you need."
The phone went dead in his hand and that was it he let himself slide down the wall and felt himself hit the ground.
/Axel's in hospital, Marluxia's abandoned me... And all I can think about is that Axel wasted the last of my shit... I'm a terrible person... And theres nothing I can do to fix any of it.../
Demyx lay for days watching Axel's chest slowly rise and fall, he looked so frail and he could see his heart beating in his chest...
He believed that if that small movement stopped, he might just die too...
For five nights and four days he watched him slept near him and worried about him...
But like he had promised he would be there until the end...
The end for him came on the fifth night when he heard Axel talk from what he thought was his dreams...
Or perhaps his worst nightmare...
"Where are you? Please... Come back... Why are you doing this? It's not that big a deal... Come on... We've been through this... You know thats not true... Please..."
Demyx lay awake with his head on the hospital bed half awake but making himself appear asleep...
"No... Don't... Come on... Why can't you? But... Don't I get a say in this? You could at least have come up and said it to my face... Because you're supposed to love me like I... Love you... Doesn't that mean anything to you? If you did you'd be here and you'd stop saying that! But... We've been through so much... And you're just going to him... Don't lie to me... Yeah well prove it... Well then I'm wasting my time and I'm sorry for wasting so much of yours... I hope you and Marly have a wonderful fucking life together... Yeah well I regret the day I ever met you! You fucking coke fiend! Fuck you! Don't ever talk to me again!"
Axel threw the phone onto the bed and held his head in his hands sobbing uncontrollably, then he was suddenly silent, he pulled his jeans on, pulled his t shirt over his head pushed his hair back inside his hood and walked straight out of the room.
Demyx not really thinking straight followed him...
No one seemed to notice as he walked down the halls of the place despite the tattoos under his eyes and the odd random spikes that made his hood a funny shape...
For some reason even as he walked out no one batted an eyelid...
All he could do was watch as Axel followed the paths and roads away towards a house he knew all too well...
/Marluxia.../
He followed his slow footsteps right past Marluxia's big driveway only to stop at another house about ten minutes up the road...
Axel stood outside this house looking at the front door seemingly wondering what to do next...
But his thought was inadvertently answered when the front door clicked open to reveal Zexion standing there with a suitcase.
The redhead was so determined and angry he hadn't even see Demyx standing close by.
"So not even a goodbye huh? you were just gonna leave?"
The sound of pain in his voice was clear.
"Zexion... Why are you doing this?"
Zexion looked to the ground.
"I told you why already... I never want this to happen again..."
Axel approached him enraged.
"So thats it, I do something stupid and you run for it? If I did that everytime you did something that hurt or fucked me up I'd be gone a million times over!"
"Axel... It's not like that..."
"So I do one dumb thing and thats it? How the fuck can you justify this?"
"I can't explain it any better than I already have... This doesn't mean I don't..."
The redheads eyes tightened with anger.
"What? Love me? Is that what you're gonna say? You're full of shit Zexion you know that? You're going off because of Marluxia! You said that now don't fucking deny it!"
Zexion snapped and threw the suitcase to the side.
"Axel I'm doing this to get away from Marluxia! To get away from the fucking drugs before something even worse happens, you could have fucking died back there! It would have been my fault! I can't be responsible for that I wouldn't be able to live with myself!"
He laid one of his hands on Axel's cheek.
"You believe me right?"
Axel took in a shaky breath.
"Why the fuck would I believe you? All you ever do is lie... About Marluxia about the drugs and now about this..."
Tears started to roll freely down his face.
"What reason would I have to believe you?"
A taxi pulled up at the end of the garden and beeped its horn.
"Well if thats how I've made you feel all this time... Maybe its better for both of us that I'm leaving you behind... I love you Axel."
For a brief moment Zexion's kiss silenced Axel's sobs, then he picked up his suitcase from where he'd pushed it onto the grass and after loading it into the back of the taxi waved to Axel through the glass and within a second the car started moving away.
The redhead was on his knees in the grass, tears streaming down his face with one hand raised in a silent goodbye.
He stayed that way until the taxi was out of sight then let it fall back down to his side.
Demyx decided perhaps this was the right time to emerge from behind the bush he'd been hiding in...
"A-Axel?"
He didn't respond to his name and his eyes didn't move from the spot from where the taxi had disappeared...
"Axel?"
Silence ensued but slowly he got to his feet and taking very slow footsteps left the garden.
Demyx followed.
"We should probably get you back to the hospital..."
Still he didn't respond.
But let Demyx lead the way none the less.
A taxi was driving slowly towards them, so Demyx put his hand out to hail it.
It slowed down and stopped in front of them, Demyx bundled Axel into the back of the taxi and got in after him looking across the seat and then telling the taxi driver with a sigh where they needed to go.
/Hes always been here... Now hes just... Gone... How am I supposed to deal with this? What did I do to drive him away like this?/
Demyx kept looking over at Axel.
But Axel was absorbed in his thoughts watching cars whizz by the window tears were running down his cheeks.
/Where are you going Zexion? Will you cope alright alone?/
The blonde teen stared at the back of Axel's head he wanted to reach out...
To touch, to understand, even to heal if he could...
Just as his hand reached over to cover Axel's hand the taxi halted outside the hospital.
"That'll be 12.80 please."
Demyx snapped back into reality and handed the money over before sliding out of the door and running out into the rain to open Axel's door.
"Do you want my hoody?"
The redhead simply stepped out into the rain and started to walk towards the doors of the hospital.
Rain soaked his hair and washed the tears off his face, but right now it didn't look like he cared...
/Zexion... Why did you do this to me...?/
Demyx followed him into the hospital, his hair was flat and his face and clothes were wet...
He looked like he had been awake every night for about a month, hospital staff were freaking out and asking lots of questions about where he had been and why he had left but his facial expression remained the same and he walked by them like they wern't there...
The blonde teen ran up behind him.
"A-Axel? Won't you talk to them? They... They just want to help you..."
His walk didn't slow his expression didn't change he just approached the stairs and started walking up them.
"Axel..."
He felt hopeless as he watched Axel walk away and was then bombarded by questions from one of the nurses who was working on the floor where Axel's room was.
/I don't know what to do here... He's gone... He needed to get rid of me to get better... What did I do to him that made him so... Bad? Was I the reason he started taking it? And if I was is there any way I can make this better?/
He picked up his phone looking for Zexions number...
But it wasn't there...
At this stage however he knew it off by heart and dialled it into his phone...
Silence and then...
"Hey this is Zexion..."
"SEXY ZEXY!"
"Axel shut up! God... Anyways leave a message after the beep..."
The phone beeped in his ear.
"Zexion this is Axel... I don't know what to say or what to do... Only that I want to talk to you and get this cleared up. I think its great that you want to get clean and I support you one hundred per cent. I want... Need to know where you are, I really miss you... And I always thought you were dependent on me... I had it so wrong... I need and want you here... I love you. Please call me when you get this."
After half an hour or so, after pacing back and forth in his wet clothes endless times he picked up his phone again and dialled the number.
Once again silence...
"Hey Axel."
"Zexion I..."
"It's Zexion, I got your message. I'm sorry this is causing you pain... But this is something I need to do alone. Because of you I found love... But my life was flying off the rails, we were killing each other and I was putting you through hell, it wasn't good for either of us. So I've changed my phone number and emptied my phonebook... Chances are you won't hear from me again after this. Don't assume its because I don't care... I always have and always will love you. Believe me giving you up is going to be as hard if not harder than giving up the coke... Be strong... For me. I love you Axel."
The phone beeped dead in Axel's ear and he dropped it to the tiled floor.
/That's it... It's over.../
He lay back on his bed still in his wet clothes, tears running down his cheeks, his mind was rushing and completely blank all at once...
/Thats it.../
When Demyx and the nurse checked in on him later he appeared to be asleep.
Demyx took his place dutifully beside the bed, he was feeling low and worried and rejected...
But somehow he couldn't leave his bedside.
He thought if he left it might be the thing that pushes him over the edge...
So he sat watching Axel breathe, he felt he wasn't needed to an extent and that he couldn't fill the gap in Axel's life that was Zexion.
/What if I'm just wasting my time... What if I'm just being a doormat... I should just leave and let his brother look after him./
Demyx stood up suddenly and made for the door but went back to the bed to pull the blankets up over Axel.
/He's soaking... What the hell was he thinking?/
Demyx shook Axel violently to try wake him up... But his eyes were open.
"Axel... Why are you lying there in wet clothes? You'll catch your death..."
The redhead just looked at Demyx.
"What do you care...? You're leaving too."
The blonde teen shook his head.
"I'd never leave... I'm just feeling... Useless... I don't know what I can do to make the situation better..."
Axel sat up on the bed.
"So stop trying to make it better and accept that some situations are just shit..."
Demyx nodded.
"Okay so its a shitty situation... Now what...?"
The redhead took a deep breath...
"Well I'm sick of staying in here I know they want to keep an eye on me, but fuck it... I'm bailing."
"What? You can't leave Axel... They need to make sure theres no permanent damage from what you did..."
Axel shrugged.
"Okay well then you can stay here and explain why I'm gone cause I'm not staying..."
Demyx put his fingers to his temples.
"Axel come on... Thats not fair... I'm just trying to look out for you here..."
"Yeah well... You coming or not?"
The blonde shook his head back and forth several times then looked into Axel's acid green eyes...
He was clearly going to enjoy this hospital breakout, there was a sparkle in his eyes and what Demyx thought was a slight smirk on his lips.
"Fine..."
Yup that was definitely a smirk on his lips.
"Right check the corridor... Uhm... Find a... Fire exit! Yeah! That'll set all of the alarms off and then we can get away with the crowd..."
He knew all was not well in Axel's head right now, but if this is what it took to make him smile...
So be it.
He walked out into the corridor and spotted a drinks machine and walked up to it checking out the corridor.
White white white...
It was almost making him feel sick...
Then he spotted it, the bright green fire exit sign, it seemed miles away but he got a drink from the dispenser and walked back into the room.
Axel was sitting in the corner face buried in his knees sobbing loudly, Demyx sat down beside him in the darkened room and wrapped his arm around Axel's shoulders.
"I thought you wanted to bust out of here... And set off all the fire alarms?"
"I just don't get it... What made him leave...? Was I stopping him from getting better? Was it my fault?"
"Well... I can't say for sure but maybe he just needs a new start altogether... Like maybe he'll come back when he's better..."
Axel smirked a little.
"It's funny..."
"What is?"
"Well I was at these crossroads a little while ago... And... Actually... Forget it."
"No I want to hear about this."
"Sorry I can't remember what I was going to say..."
As quick as his mood had picked up it was right back down again.
"Maybe I'll just call Reno and have him check me out of here..."
Demyx nodded wondering what he was going to say...
The redhead picked his phone up off the floor flipped it open and dialled Reno's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey Reno..."
"Bro you're awake! That's great! I'm gonna fucking kill you when I get my hands on you!?! What the fuck were you thinking!?"
"Me and Zexion had a fight..."
"And so you nearly fucking kill yourself? Thats very clever Axel... Remind me to pull that one when I next have an argument with my girlfriend."
Axel sighed.
"Reno you don't have a girlfriend..."
"Oh... Yeah... Wait stop changing the subject! You're in trouble!"
"Yeah great can you please come and get me out of here its giving me the creeps..."
Reno breathed heavily down the phone.
"I really don't know if I should... You sound like you might be better off spending a few days there Axel..."
Axel was trying to hold back tears.
"Zexion and me broke up..."
"That happens like three times a week bro so thats not gonna change my mind..."
"No... I mean... H-He's packed his bags and he's gone... He's changed his number... He's not coming back..."
There was a dead silence from the other end of the phone.
"He's actually gone? You guys are for real this time? Woah... Dude give me like ten minutes and I'll get you out of there."
"Thanks..."
Ten minutes later Reno sped into the car park and told the receptionist he wanted to check his brother out of the place and bring him home.
"Whos your brother sir?"
"Axel."
"He tried to leave the hospital the other night for reasons his friend wouldn't explain... We feel that he should stay in for at the very least a few more days..."
"Listen lady, I know my brother... I know what he's like and I know he'll be better off at home so I'm taking him out of here with or without your help."
The receptionist gulped nodded and sent someone up to get Axel straight away.
Reno paid the receptionist and led Axel and Demyx out to the carpark.
They were standing next to Reno's car and Demyx made to walk away.
"Do you want a ride home or something?"
Axel was staring at his shoes.
"You could stay you know...?"
This is what Demyx had dreamed of Axel saying from day one...
But of his own accord, not because he was feeling a loss...
Or needed the use of a doormat.
Demyx knew in his head that it was selfish to think this way and that he should take his offer up only because he wanted to make him feel better...
And not just want to feel him up...
He was silent with a head full of possibilities but before any awkward silence emerged he nodded his head.
Reno nodded too.
"Yeah seems like a good idea... He can keep an eye on you when I can't."
Axel still looked dazed and upset.
"Yeah... Sounds good..."
Demyx hated himself for thinking anything romantic could possibly come of this...
And randomly mentally abused himself when he thought about what Axel would look like in his underwear.
/He's just out of hospital and out of a relationship you sick sick inconsiderate prick!/
Axel randomly leaned towards him while Reno was speeding towards their house and whispered.
"Thanks for staying with me..."
Before laying his head on Demyx's shoulder.
/Think of anything... Just not that this means anything.../
A few moments later Reno pulled into a driveway and Axel sat up and took his seatbelt off, Demyx followed suite trying not to look too disappointed that the car ride ended a little too early for his liking.
Reno unlocked the door and let them both walk in before he did, Axel headed straight for the stairs.
"Arn't you gonna tell me what happened with you and Zexion?"
Axel shook his head.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now... I think I'm just gonna go to bed..."
Reno nodded.
"Okay well call me if you want anything ok?"
"Sure... Thanks..."
Demyx followed Axel up the stairs silently.
The redhead took a left in front of one door and opened up another one the door opened onto a dark red room...
Everything painted with black and red and flames he took his hoody off and kicked his shoes onto the floor.
"I'm gonna take a shower... You make yourself comfortable... Playstations all set up if you wanna play..."
He then opened a door Demyx thought was a closet and walked inside...
The shower turned on and he could hear water splashing.
/In there Axel is naked and heartbroken and fucked up and all you can concentrate on is the fact that he's naked and naked... I wonder does that door have a keyhole? Oh my fucking God! I can't perv on him! He's relying on me to be here for him! Control yourself!/
Demyx pinched himself on the thigh.
"Owww!"
/Now calm down. Fucking hell.../
Axel's hands were in front of him against the tiled wall warm water was running over his skin making him feel comfortable.
Currently nothing made sense...
Thinking of Zexion now caused him intense pain while any thought of him before brought a smile to his face and yet he wanted to think of him...
And he was glad that Zexion was sorting his life out, but distraught that he had decided it was to be without him.
Everything they had was now gone, all the pictures he had of them together he wanted to both treasure and burn...
/I gave you everything I had... Everything... I was innocent before I met you you prick and now you just leave!?!/
He picked up a razor on one of the stands in the shower and gripping it hard let it take all his pain and fury out on someone that didn't feel like him anymore...
Breathing heavily he looked at the damage inflicted and extended his arms under the shower letting the sting of water on his open wounds prolong the effect.
Momentarily everything was both blurrier and clearer he laughed a little bit before the pain stopped.
He turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.
/I promised him I'd never do it again... But whats a promise to him now...?/
He started to dry himself off...
There was a long sleeved black t shirt lying on the ground which he picked up off the floor and pulled over his wet hair, he dried off the rest of himself and dressed again.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
/No wonder he left you... You look like crap... And look what you've just done to yourself.../
He pulled his fist back to punch the mirror when a small knock at the door distracted him.
"Uhm... Axel? Are you okay?"
The redhead sighed and unlocked the door.
"Yeah... I'm fine."
/What they don't know won't hurt them... If I keep it hidden... They don't need to know./
Demyx smiled to himself.
/Axel looks better now... Maybe he'll be okay after all.../
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